FC Community
Discussion Boards => Off-Topic => Topic started by: roshelle7 on May 10, 2011, 09:24:55 am
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i've watched this situation play out way too many times. it never seems to work out but sti,ll parents do it. my son was dating this girl who had possession issues (she was very possessive) so my son ended things with her so this young lady has her mother come up to my son's school and curse him out in front of his friends not to mention this woman is disabled. basically she rolled up on my son in her wheelchair. i called her to discvuss why she felt she needed to get involved and she got very belligerent with mom
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That's ridiculous she'd be the same type of parent to go to a job interview with her daughter. That was embarrassing to everyone involved especially the girl. Did she think about how her daughter would be teased before she went up there showing her a$$?
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i wish my mom would act more like my friend than a parent. shes strick, but i love her. shes the best thing that happens to me.
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It sounds like this lady needs a call from the school, or the police for harassment of your son, this is not her issue, and wasn't hers to deal with. I think that children need discipline and an influence that is mature, not a teenage adolescent influence, they don't need a best friend, they need a parent.
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This really kills me, because, where you want your kid's to enjoy being around you and have fun, if they only see you as a peer, they will not respect you or listen to you.
You must have the authority to *parent* them. Kid's *think* they know everything, and even if they can operate the XBox better than we can, they still need our instruction, love, discipline, and protection.
Be their loving parent, not their friend. Only then will children thrive.
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that's the modern way to raise kids it too hard to discipline kids these days because kids get their way too often.
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Regardless of any physical disability issues the woman you described sounds very immature to me. And one that likes to involve herself in others drama. Maybe her disability limits her to access to social interaction (which it shouldn't, if she can go to school to harass your son, she could get to other "social outlets" just as easy) and getting over-involved in her daughters life is how she connects with the world...some parents just like to live vicariously (is that the right word?) through their children.
Personally, my son and I are best friends. I am a parent first, best friend second. I provided strict rules and guidance for him as a child, but as he matured we developed a very close bond and friendship. He calls to share any and all types of news and happenings in his daily life, but I don't get involved in drama...but then he is not into drama himself, so there isn't much of that. We tease him about being the "poster child for Murphy's Law", so there is just some unavoidable drama that just comes with daily life. He feels comfortable enough to tell me anything. In fact, I have lost count of the times my response has been "TMI" but we just laugh about it and go on. Our sense of humor levels are very high and we love to laugh with each other....and we are never together that we are not laughing about something.
I was very thankful for the strong bond we have when he joined the military. I valued (and still value) all the time, memories, and life experiences we shared and he knew he could count on me to take care of things for him that needed to be handled while he was deployed.
But I don't fight his battles for him. I don't involve myself in issues he needs to take care of himself. He is very independent and strong and he would not have gotten that way had I stepped in to every little issue he ever had. I did not want my son to become a "mama's boy" :binkybaby:
I feel that parents need to develop an appropriate set of boundaries for when their child's life is his / her own...and not become so enmeshed in their child's lives that they don't know where one stops and the other starts. Parents need to be able to draw the line.
A parent being a best friend to their child (ren) is not a bad thing...it's what you do as an individual that determines if your behavior is appropriate / inappropriate
Just MHO ;) ;)
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Children need parents who care enough to set standards and discipline them.
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I always tell mine kid's I'm your mom frist . your friend second, they know they can talk to me about anything.
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It's ok to be your children friend, but alway, always remember who is the parent. By that I mean don't let your children be so afraid to tell or talk to you about anything and everything, that's when you are their friends because you are listening to them, but there are times when you set rules and rules are broken you must behalf like the parent. If you listen to your children, I mean really listen, they will listen to you. :wave:
Also there is nothing wrong with your Son being a Mama's boy. Sons who love their mothers and have a strong bond makes a good husband someday. I raised my son and his sister think he is a Mama's boy because I love him to death and I raised him to be a strong man and he loves me and women he married is a good mother to his children. I think people have the wrong definition of Mama boy. ???
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I do not think it is ever a good idea to be your childs best friend. There is plenty of time for that when they are an adult.
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I was my childrens mother FIRST and friend second... They talked openly with me even when they knew they would be in trouble... they are now awesome members of town willing to help anyone anytime respectful and i am very proud of them
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It's ok to be your children friend, but alway, always remember who is the parent. By that I mean don't let your children be so afraid to tell or talk to you about anything and everything, that's when you are their friends because you are listening to them, but there are times when you set rules and rules are broken you must behalf like the parent. If you listen to your children, I mean really listen, they will listen to you. :wave:
Also there is nothing wrong with your Son being a Mama's boy. Sons who love their mothers and have a strong bond makes a good husband someday. I raised my son and his sister think he is a Mama's boy because I love him to death and I raised him to be a strong man and he loves me and women he married is a good mother to his children. I think people have the wrong definition of Mama boy. ???
Sounds like your son is a very respectful and responsible young man. I used the term "Mama's boy" as to mean I did not want him to become dependent on me so much that he was weak, and unable to function on his own, make appropriate decisions, be respectful and responsible, etc. :D :star:
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This sounds like the opposite of being a child's friend.
A parent: sets rules, creates standards, says no, sticks up for their child even if the child doesn't want it, reward and punish.
A friend: gives advice, is trustworthy, lets their friend make their own decision, keep secrets, have fun, encourages and motivates
Nothing about this situation sounds like the woman is treating her daughter like a friend. She is acting like a bad parent, nothing more. Enabling her daughter to prevent her from making her own choices and dealing with her own problems. My take is that there is a lot of emotional insecurity, control issues and possible neglect in the household on both the mother and daughters part. Would be interesting to know the rest of the situation.
A parent who treats a child like a friend doesn't have to be a bad thing. When the child is more mature and is a teenager you should allow some freedom. This means listening to the child's problems without swooping in to save them. Giving advice and letting them make their own choices are important because you want to prepare them for real life. But when things go really wrong you can still step up and be the parent.
Several of my friends had parents like this and turned out really well. They are mature, go getters, and enjoy being on their own because they had some freedom to experiment while they were still young and didn't have as much responsibility.
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You have to be the role model for your child and children thrive on structure! I have been a teacher for 15 years and see how parents go wrong in this area of raising their children.
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i'm a parents and my kids get away with so much i can tell them to do something and they turn around and look at me like what ever i think my kids think i'm their friend and not their parent my kids walk all on me and i do not do anything about i just let them do it the kids father tell me that i should put my feet down if i do not the kids going to do what they like to me i think sometime the kids father let them to do that but he know when it not right
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Also there is nothing wrong with your Son being a Mama's boy. Sons who love their mothers and have a strong bond makes a good husband someday. I raised my son and his sister think he is a Mama's boy because I love him to death and I raised him to be a strong man and he loves me and women he married is a good mother to his children. I think people have the wrong definition of Mama boy. ???
A mama's boy, or mother's boy, is a man who depends on his mother too much.
A man who loves his mother but lives his own life, and is independent, is not a mama's boy.
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in my case i say it doesnt work at all