Discussion Boards => Off-Topic => Topic started by: hensleyll on October 03, 2011, 07:51:51 pm
Title: My Twenty Year Old Daughter Not Happy With Me!
Post by: hensleyll on October 03, 2011, 07:51:51 pm
One Minute I Dont Do Enough To Help, Now I`m Crossing Line Telling Her How To Raise Her Kid! I Just Want Do Anything! Talk About Ungrateful!
Title: Re: My Twenty Year Old Daughter Not Happy With Me!
Post by: trucktina on October 03, 2011, 08:18:34 pm
What happened exactly?
Title: Re: My Twenty Year Old Daughter Not Happy With Me!
Post by: SherylsShado on October 04, 2011, 03:16:00 am
Look on the bright side...some day your daughter will get to see what that feels like when her daughter grows up and is unappreciative of her. ;D
Title: Re: My Twenty Year Old Daughter Not Happy With Me!
Post by: blondie71 on October 04, 2011, 03:38:42 am
Well arn't all children like that. My son is turning 20 on October 15 sometime he doesn't like my advice and I told him he can either learn from my mistakes or make his own and learn from them of course he is makeing his own mitake rather than listening to me.
Title: Re: My Twenty Year Old Daughter Not Happy With Me!
Post by: acurtsinger2 on October 04, 2011, 05:19:17 am
I try to kindly give advice without being bossy, but sometimes i seem bossy anyway. she'll appreciateit later down the road when she's older,,,,
Title: Re: My Twenty Year Old Daughter Not Happy With Me!
Post by: kqa on October 04, 2011, 06:10:23 am
Wow, I've been through that except I haven't had the issues with telling them how to raise their kids. The teenage years were rufffffffffff!
Title: Re: My Twenty Year Old Daughter Not Happy With Me!
Post by: mrstina08 on October 04, 2011, 06:59:11 am
One Minute I Dont Do Enough To Help, Now I`m Crossing Line Telling Her How To Raise Her Kid! I Just Want Do Anything! Talk About Ungrateful!
This is a tough one to answer not knowing whats happening or whats causing the tension. I will say this since Im a parent and a mother of 3 kids. When we first had our first child. People were telling me what to especially with my pregnancy even after the first born. They still wanted to tell me what to do but I figured it out. They have kids of their own. They have raised their kids. Let me raise my own. Times are not like they used to be. There are more resouces and info available to help raise wonderful kids. There are no books that cant tell you how to be a parent. As a parent/mother you learn how to grow, build and nurture. Once you get it no one can that away.
Sometimes when it comes to parents not wanting no one to tell them what to do.It can be intimidating even more so if the parent is very young. Especially from the grandmother. If this is a first born sometimes the mother is in the state of validation wanting every to know and see that she can take care of her child. Find out what really bothers her. It may not even be you. She can just be taking frustation out on you. Best regards!
Title: Re: My Twenty Year Old Daughter Not Happy With Me!
Post by: lightningclix on October 04, 2011, 08:44:30 am
I often and stop to think how I felt when I was my kids age, how my Mom treated me, what she said to me, how the outcome was...It usually helps me out a bit, if in anything at all to stop and take a deep breath before I say or do something I regret!!!
In the end, we have to remember that we're the parents....and sometimes that means that we HAVE to be the "bad guys" - like it or not. The good thing is they'll still love us at the end of the day :heart:
Title: Re: My Twenty Year Old Daughter Not Happy With Me!
Post by: kay7 on October 04, 2011, 08:45:33 am
You have to consider that it may have something to do with the manner in which you offer the advice.
Title: Re: My Twenty Year Old Daughter Not Happy With Me!
Post by: chel3179 on October 04, 2011, 10:09:27 am
Not knowing what actually happened I can't say to much but I know from experience with my own mother, who is EXTREMELY helpful in every way possible, she tends to try and parent my child (her only grandchild) and tell me what she thinks I should do all the time with him and it DOES get frustrating. He might be my first child but almost 5 years later, I do know what i'm doing as a parent. Maybe you come on to strong that it appears your being overbearing?
Title: Re: My Twenty Year Old Daughter Not Happy With Me!
Post by: queenofnines on October 04, 2011, 10:46:35 am
Eh, perhaps once she gets more away from her teenage years she'll naturally grow to respect and appreciate you more. Having her own kid already might help or hinder this process.
Title: Re: My Twenty Year Old Daughter Not Happy With Me!
Post by: dreamyxo on October 04, 2011, 04:44:57 pm
Is she coming to you for help or are you just offering it without her asking? I'd tell her look I am here if you need me. Just ask. I wouldn't *bleep* her off by giving unsolicited advice. Let her come to you.
Title: Re: My Twenty Year Old Daughter Not Happy With Me!
Post by: tzs on October 04, 2011, 08:41:44 pm
So let your daughter do what she wants to do, and when she gets in trouble or runs into a situation that she can't get out of, then you can use the old addage: " I told you so!!!" And if she ask you for help or advice, tell her "But...I thought you knew everything, right?" lol!!!1 :wave:
Title: Re: My Twenty Year Old Daughter Not Happy With Me!
Post by: PMZ908 on October 05, 2011, 12:26:30 am
tell her to kiss your :bootyshake: :thumbsup:
lol
Title: Re: My Twenty Year Old Daughter Not Happy With Me!
Post by: noirlupe on October 05, 2011, 08:32:29 am
Thats the way it is with daughters. One time they need Mom to help them with their problems and the next they cut you out and hide things because they dont want you involved in their lives.
Title: Re: My Twenty Year Old Daughter Not Happy With Me!
Post by: hensleyll on October 08, 2011, 08:24:13 pm
yes they do and it eally huts well things are better i suggest or let her make all the calls i explained to her that i did not want to raise her kid i ave a life of my own,i like being able to just get in car with my husband and go!
Title: Re: My Twenty Year Old Daughter Not Happy With Me!
Post by: lucky382001 on October 08, 2011, 11:20:41 pm
I get that sometimes with my son too. I think the best way to deal with it is just to talk to them about it.
Title: Re: My Twenty Year Old Daughter Not Happy With Me!
Post by: heartofphila on October 09, 2011, 06:30:48 am
Maybe something else is bothering her.
Title: Re: My Twenty Year Old Daughter Not Happy With Me!
Post by: sherryinutah on October 09, 2011, 07:26:34 am
Is it comforting to know that someday she might have her own 20 year old daughter? I definitely appreciate my parents more because I've had the opportunity to walk in their shoes.
Hang in there!
:heart:
Sincerely, Sherry
Title: Re: My Twenty Year Old Daughter Not Happy With Me!
Post by: cateyes1 on October 09, 2011, 07:58:57 am
Oh you dont EVEN want to get me started on this topic. believe you me it would be a book and a movie UGH, and my daughter is 33 and we butt heads alllllllllllllllllllllllllll the time....Mrs know it all is her name grrrrrrrrrrrrrr, all I can say is, GOOG LUCK!!
Title: Re: My Twenty Year Old Daughter Not Happy With Me!
Post by: mzbrowneyez22 on October 09, 2011, 09:23:36 am
ive had many people tell me how to raise my daughter, and i didnt like it.
Title: Re: My Twenty Year Old Daughter Not Happy With Me!
Post by: Thumper18 on October 17, 2011, 12:55:10 pm
Well as we all know when it comes to our children they hold a special place in our hearts , and can also drive us up the wall!! But if someone ever commented on your parenting skills or lack there of EVERYONE knows that they would kinda flip out on the person for making such a comment, no matter how much it had good intention behind it. She'll learn and understand later on in life. Just be there as a shoulder for her. Doing that alone does mean alot.
Title: Re: My Twenty Year Old Daughter Not Happy With Me!
Post by: hensleyll on October 17, 2011, 09:29:37 pm
Well Thats What I Do! Appreciate The Support ! Spent The Weekend With Grandkids It Was Awesome!
Title: Re: My Twenty Year Old Daughter Not Happy With Me!
Post by: hensleyll on October 30, 2011, 08:10:15 pm
Well my 20 year old daughter might as well have moved in with her grandmother she spends maybe one night with us.i love her but her boyfriend is not coming back until he has a job im working three and im 46 he is lazy not going to have it anymore 4 years is to long!
Title: Re: My Twenty Year Old Daughter Not Happy With Me!
Post by: jnjmolly on October 30, 2011, 11:25:08 pm
I don't think its your daughter...its people in general!!! Most of the time you try to help someone they don't see it that way and they get mad at you!! Good Luck!!!
Title: Re: My Twenty Year Old Daughter Not Happy With Me!
Post by: hensleyll on October 31, 2011, 09:29:43 pm
thanks yes it not looking good ,she borrows all month gets 1 pay and it is only 400 she borrows wat more from family i told them to write it down and make her sign she thinks she not supposed to pay back and the baby daddy dont do nothing but mooch off of whoever they are staying with
Title: Re: My Twenty Year Old Daughter Not Happy With Me!
Post by: lorettahknox on November 01, 2011, 02:52:51 am
Whatever the situation you both are going through a transformation. She's becoming an adult and you are having to adjust to her taking control of her own life. Rough one! I suggest a nice cup of tea with a sweet biscuit. You may as well relax getting upset won't help. Don't forget hugs are good medicine for that phase too, but try the tea. I highly recommend Chamomile it's good for relaxing. :) :) :)
Title: Re: My Twenty Year Old Daughter Not Happy With Me!
Post by: LenoraMinogue on November 01, 2011, 05:09:41 am
I don't know much about the conversation you had, but a lot of times the way you approach someone can have a lot to do with how receptive they are at accepting advice. Also, maybe she was just under some stress that day that you weren't aware of. I think if you open up to her, and tell her that you love her, and just want to help, and that you're sorry you crossed the line, and are there for her, then she may open up more. I know it's frustrating, but just try to be patient and keep the lines of communication open.
Title: Re: My Twenty Year Old Daughter Not Happy With Me!
Post by: mrisha on November 01, 2011, 12:33:35 pm
One Minute I Dont Do Enough To Help, Now I`m Crossing Line Telling Her How To Raise Her Kid! I Just Want Do Anything! Talk About Ungrateful!
Why are trying to tell her how to raise her childre? Maybe she didn't like the way she was raised and wants to change things. Stay out of trying to tell another adult how to run her household. Just be a good mother and grandmother-you've done your part with raising your daughter. She's not being ungrateful, she wants you to stay out of her business.
Title: Re: My Twenty Year Old Daughter Not Happy With Me!
Post by: hensleyll on November 01, 2011, 09:11:50 pm
mrisha she calls me involves me not the other way around ,how many children and grandchildren do you have ? Have you never been in this kind of predicament because you sure seem to be judgemental,especially considering i said nothing to my daughter about raising her child i have told them in no uncertain terms i do not want to raise any more children!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Title: Re: My Twenty Year Old Daughter Not Happy With Me!
Post by: hensleyll on November 01, 2011, 09:16:26 pm
I Thank everyone else for the advice and i do try to stay calm and receptive if i feel i cant i just walk away
Title: Re: My Twenty Year Old Daughter Not Happy With Me!
Post by: gaylasue on November 02, 2011, 08:36:27 am
That is the way with most young adults. They want their independence but they want you there to pick them up when the fall down. It's hard to differentiate when they are wanting help or just wanting sympathy. I have learned the hard way to be patient and when my opinion is wanted, it will be requested. Fortunately, I don't have grandkids that I have to worry about.
Title: Re: My Twenty Year Old Daughter Not Happy With Me!
Post by: hensleyll on November 02, 2011, 06:10:13 pm
Well I`m Trying the tough love ,but i cave alot! I have spoiled them terrible gues most of their problems of being on their own is my fault
Title: Re: My Twenty Year Old Daughter Not Happy With Me!
Post by: vmcutshall on November 02, 2011, 06:18:48 pm
I have had that experience also but I have to go further because my daughter and her twins live with me. She has to listen to what I tell her and she has admitted that sometimes mom knows best, partly because I have a degree in early childhood.
Title: Re: My Twenty Year Old Daughter Not Happy With Me!
Post by: hensleyll on November 09, 2011, 10:44:16 am
Well Mine Decided That She Would Be Happier At Her Grandmothers She Took Her Daughter And Moved With My Mom