FC Community
Discussion Boards => Off-Topic => Topic started by: BK_Adores_Chase on April 02, 2012, 10:23:14 am
-
Between me, my fiance, and 2 young kids, I feel like I can't get the house work done...there is rarely a day when my house is completely picked up. NOT TO MENTION that because I don't have time to pick up, I DEFINITLY don't have time to detail clean...our house is so embarrassing and discusting...toilets, sink, stovetop, sweeping the floors...it all needs to be done but I HAVE NO TIME...And I had surgery on Tuesday, so I can't stand up for very long without my back hurting...here it is Monday and NO ONE has done the dishes...my fiance won't...so when his brother came over the other day I told my fiance not to go into the kitchen with them because it's just embarrassing.
-
Do you work outside the home too? Does your fiancee not want to do anything to help around the house? Can you set aside just 10 min. and focus on just one part of the house once a day...start with the bathroom. Just quickly wipe down the toilet and sink area. You'll already feel better.....one little chunk at a time. You can do it!
-
Have your :bootyshake: pay for a maid to come in and clean it!!! :crybaby2:
-
I really think about a maid sometimes...but I don't think I can afford it haha.. I like reiddb idea...ten minutes a day...I used to do a room a week and really give it a deep clean but I just haven't had time...I was also thinking about dedicated, say, Mondays to "de-gross" the place.
-
With a small kid, it is hard to keep up with the housework because you got to constantly be keeping an eye on them.
-
Actually, involving your little ones is a good way to keep them entertained. I give mine a wet paper towel and ask them to wipe things like the baseboards, door knobs, light switches, anything like that. They really feel like they help, and they aren't using any cleaners that will hurt them. But just doing a little at a time really makes a difference. Try setting a timer for 10 minutes and see how much you can get done in that amount of time. If your fiancee won't help now, don't expect that to change when you get married. As long as that arrangement works for both of you, then ok. Otherwise, you need to have a serious talk with him. Don't yell and don't attack him, just ask him nicely if he would help you do (be specific). And lastly, don't stress about it. It's probably only bad to you.
-
Having specific days to do different chores helps...also, make life easier for yourself where you can. You don't need to separate the laundry into five different colors, or dust where you can't even see the dust.
-
Your fiance really needs to start pitching in more, especially if he wants to marry you. It's really hard looking after two small children and to do everything else. I think you should really talk to him about that more. A marriage is a partnership which means sharing responsibilities. In the meantime, don't drive yourself crazy with the cleaning. If you have small kids especially, things are going to get dirty. Try to focus on the most important things to clean, areas like toliets and sinks that could be an actual hazard. Clutter and toys aren't as big of a deal.
-
Your fiance is a lazy bum he is not your child if he makes a mess he needs to clean it up. Tell him if he doesn't want to help you clean he needs to hire a maid at least once a month. He needs a good kick in the you know what. Your son is old enough to help a little. How about getting him to pick up his toys and other little stuff off the floor. Give him a piggy bank if he doesn't already have one and give him little chores like picking up his toys and other things and give him some change when he's done he can put them in his bank. At the end of the month take him to the dollar store so he can pick out a toy or candy or something with the money he earned.
Are there any colleges in your area? Put up an ad for a mother's helper. You can get a college student to come help you once a week and pay them for a few hours to help clean.
-
Your fiance is a lazy bum he is not your child if he makes a mess he needs to clean it up. Tell him if he doesn't want to help you clean he needs to hire a maid at least once a month. He needs a good kick in the you know what. Your son is old enough to help a little. How about getting him to pick up his toys and other little stuff off the floor. Give him a piggy bank if he doesn't already have one and give him little chores like picking up his toys and other things and give him some change when he's done he can put them in his bank. At the end of the month take him to the dollar store so he can pick out a toy or candy or something with the money he earned.
Are there any colleges in your area? Put up an ad for a mother's helper. You can get a college student to come help you once a week and pay them for a few hours to help clean.
I agree with everything you wrote and especially the ideas of pennies for the toddler and having a college student come in to help. QoN's on the right course too as far as the laundry, dusting, and making a 'plan'. I know I used to get so overwhelmed when I was younger and had a gazillion things going on that took my time. When I put my foot down and 'demanded' help with the things I knew my boys could do, it worked. That might be due to the fact that I 'scared them' into submisssion when I added I was going to stop feeding all of them (and their friends) if things didn't change.... 8) ;D
-
The clutter gets me :BangHead: I'm never sure what is important and what really should be trashed. Seems like everything that has a flat surface grows clutter. I think I'll take a clue from my 1st daughter-in-law and just throw everything away. I could do that in less than 10 minutes!
-
I've read your posts on here before and you sound like a 13 year younger version of myself. My ex-husband was very much like taking care of another child. After 2 years of dating and a 12 year marriage...3 children later. I'd had it and filed. It didn't help that he had addiction problems too. I got to a point in my life when I decided I needed to grab the bull by the horns and live for myself and my kids. I put the dishes, the toilette scouring and the husband aside. Now my children are 13, 12 and 5 and we're all happier now than when we were living as a family with there Dad. I've moved onto a new relationship. And you know what...this guy does help with the dishes. In fact before I even have to ask he recognizes how the housework bogs me down and he pitches in on his own. My older kids are a big help now too...so when your kids get older it will be easier but there is absolutely NO reason why you need to clean up after a grown adult. Separating my children was a hard choice to make but I figured it's his job to work on a relationship with his kids...not entirely my responsibility to keep a family together. Seeing as how the man hasn't seen his kids in going on 3 months now...I'm glad I made the choice that I did. Oh & BTW between having the 3 babies and I also had surgery on one of my feet - it would have been easier to do without him around.
-
I think I'll take a clue from my 1st daughter-in-law and just throw everything away. I could do that in less than 10 minutes!
That's an idea. Tell him anything on the floor will be thrown away. He leaves his clothes on the floor throw them away. Dirty dishes throw them away. Or use paper plates instead.
-
I have also read some of your earlier posts. Is this the same fiance who wanted you to get a job outside the house, too? I hate to say again, but the housework is not your real problem.
-
I too think your real problem is your fiancee. If he continues as he has been doing you need to rethink marrying him.
-
There could be worse problems, I suppose. Having a roof over the area that you can't keep up with housework is one blessing that a percentage ofpeople aren't able to enjoy. Having the time to attempt doing housework is a luxury that few can afford. Having a family is a gift that some people have lost, never had or may never know. I would place a lower value on the housework and embrace all that you have been given and earned. A lazy fiance is part of the equation that can be subtracted but I have a feeling that over fifty percent of your time with him is special enough to put up with his idiosyncracies.
-
ya its hard, you have to use good time management!
-
Actually, involving your little ones is a good way to keep them entertained. I give mine a wet paper towel and ask them to wipe things like the baseboards, door knobs, light switches, anything like that. They really feel like they help, and they aren't using any cleaners that will hurt them. But just doing a little at a time really makes a difference. Try setting a timer for 10 minutes and see how much you can get done in that amount of time. If your fiancee won't help now, don't expect that to change when you get married. As long as that arrangement works for both of you, then ok. Otherwise, you need to have a serious talk with him. Don't yell and don't attack him, just ask him nicely if he would help you do (be specific). And lastly, don't stress about it. It's probably only bad to you.
"it's probably only bad to you" ...you could be right because every time someone I visit says that about their own house I always think they're crazy and tell them it's not that bad...which, it isn't.
It doesn't really bother me that my fiance doesn't help because he has a really stressful job and I also like things done my way, but after having surgery I also realized that, help, wether done my way or not, is greatly appreciated...I usually give him a quick task on days that I work and if he doesn't get to it I don't stress about it.
Your fiance is a lazy bum he is not your child if he makes a mess he needs to clean it up. Tell him if he doesn't want to help you clean he needs to hire a maid at least once a month. He needs a good kick in the you know what. Your son is old enough to help a little. How about getting him to pick up his toys and other little stuff off the floor. Give him a piggy bank if he doesn't already have one and give him little chores like picking up his toys and other things and give him some change when he's done he can put them in his bank. At the end of the month take him to the dollar store so he can pick out a toy or candy or something with the money he earned.
Are there any colleges in your area? Put up an ad for a mother's helper. You can get a college student to come help you once a week and pay them for a few hours to help clean.
OMG it's so funny (in a way) because right after I read your fiance is a bum, he said "babe, will you get me a pillow, a blanket, and a drink.." and I'm like "......you were just up...why didn't you grab it (I wasn't being bitchy, just matter of fact)...yeah, things like that, like one time he was standing in the kitchen and he asked me to get him a drink....it's like, REALLY? ARE YOU SERIOUS? ... as for my little guy, he has a chore list he completes in the morning which consists of swiffering the floors for 3 minutes, putting his clothes in the hamper, "making his bed"...at night he is responsible for picking up the toys. He gets stars every day and when he reaches a total of 100 stars he gets to pick a prize out of the "treasure chest"
The clutter gets me :BangHead: I'm never sure what is important and what really should be trashed. Seems like everything that has a flat surface grows clutter. I think I'll take a clue from my 1st daughter-in-law and just throw everything away. I could do that in less than 10 minutes!
LMAO..that could definitly do the trick
DREAMYXO - actually, after surgery I did get paper plates and THANK THE LORD FOR THAT!!!
-
I would ask my family to help and your spouse can as well. It is so much you can do and you need help. Good luck to you.
-
I'm a big believer in the 4 minute "commercial break" cleaning. I tend to watch a lot of TV at night, and I do my most needed clean-up tasks during the commercials. Works really well for dishes: com break 1 - fill dishwasher and sink for hand wash, soak first batch, com break 2 - wash/rinse dishes in sink, load next round - repeat until done.
Same with other areas - one night it's the bathroom, next night it's tackling the pile of clothes in the bedroom.
It's amazing how much you can do during an evening of commercials - plus it doesn't feel like you really worked that hard to get it done.
When things get really out of hand, I do tend to write down a quick list of the major areas of attack to better focus which I need to get first.
Plus I tend to make almost a game of it - how much can I get done in 3-4 minutes and be back in time to watch the next segment of my show!
I'm easily entertained. ;D
-
I have a problem of keeping up with housework too, but for different reasons. I retired in 2010 so I could relax after a very stressful job. But, as luck would have it, there was no relaxing for me; our youngest daughter announced she was pregnant right before I retired but I had already turned in my paperwork to retire so I did go on and retire. But, when her baby was born she asked if I would keep the baby till she was old enough for daycare. I agreed and that baby is now 13 mos. old and I'm still keeping her cause my daughter can't bear the thought of leaving her with anyone else. Then, our middle daughter got divorced and moved back to our town with her 2 kids and couldn't afford daycare. So guess who keeps them? I'm glad to be able to help my girls but some days its almost more than this old lady can bear. Anyway, my housework sure suffers all week and weekends I am just too give out to do much; I only do what is necessary to keep my house from being referred to as a pig stye! I know there are lots of other grandparents doing the same as I am, but every once in a while I just have to have a pity party.
-
I can't keep up with my housework either. I am going to take the 10 miniute advice. My sister suggested 15 minutes. I do not have any kids to bribe. I do not think I could take a man around that would not help me even after I just had surgery. That seems pretty abusive to me.
-
Definitely get the kids involved as much as they can and don't allow them to leave a mess and toys all over the place. It's too bad that your fiance doesn't care. Pick up and clean up as you go. Make it a habit to get this under control on a daily basis.
-
I'm saving my housework for retirement. I'll need something to do then.
-
I'm saving my housework for retirement. I'll need something to do then.
Haha! I think I'll have to use that one the next time my home is looking as if it is 'in need of attention'. I've been living by the 'motto', "There's plenty of time to sleep when I am dead.", for the last ~30 years, so your's seems to be compatible with that one.... ;D
-
Start training your kids now. I didn't do a very good job of that and now that they are tweens and young teenagers and it is a constant battle. I don't know if you can train a grown man. You have to be very specific with men on what you want help with. I think men and women just look at things differently and what might just seem super obvious to us would never occur to them. And vice versa!
There's a great website called Flylady where she helps you set up schedules gives great tips and shortcuts.
Take care of yourself and recover quickly.
-
I had three small kids and they had chores to do when I did my housework. They would get paid each day when they would help. For instance laundry day the would unload the dryer for me into a basket and they were really big on helping because at the end of each week they had .50 cents to spend or save for something they really wanted. It not only taught them about money and saving it kept them occupied while I cleaned. I had certain days to do certain tasks. My children were 2, 3, and 4. When I mopped they had books to read or look at and they stayed in the living room. When I did dishes they each had something to unload out of the dishwasher, onto the counter top so I could load the dirty dishes. I put the dishes away, and praised them for what good workers they were and gave them some pennies. You have find your own solution but I would definitely talk with your fiance about his helping out in the house.
-
yeah i hear ya. there are some days that i dont want to do anything. today my back hurts like i'm gonna start my period so i feel icky.
-
I have a hard time myself.It's just me and my husband at home.But I keep my 2 granddaughters ages 7 and 10.The 10 yr old goes through dishes and the 7 yr old,well it's like the papers say here she comes lets hit the floor.They do help out,but it seems like I never get done.
-
Just a word to the wise BK, If you dont like something about your fiancee now, it will only get worse after marriage. Dont expect him to change.
-
Re: original post.
Hey, at least you have an excuse for not keeping up. My only excuse is I'm lazy!
-
I'm a big believer in the 4 minute "commercial break" cleaning. I tend to watch a lot of TV at night, and I do my most needed clean-up tasks during the commercials. Works really well for dishes: com break 1 - fill dishwasher and sink for hand wash, soak first batch, com break 2 - wash/rinse dishes in sink, load next round - repeat until done.
I don't watch a lot of TV, but when I do I am definitly a fan of this method as well.
Hey, just because I said he doesn't help doesn't mean I mind, I was just stating a fact.
I'M PROUD TO ANNOUNCE THAT AS I AM RESPONDING TO THIS POST, MY HOUSE IS COMPLETELY PICKED UP, A FEW DISHES IN THE SINK, AND I EVEN TOOK DOWN MY CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS TODAY AS WELL AS A COUPLE OF OTHER TASKS THAT HAVE BEEN ON MY LIST FOR QUITE SOME TIME! It feels good to relax...the last couple of days I made myself keep on cleaning even if I wanted to do something else.
Definitely get the kids involved as much as they can and don't allow them to leave a mess and toys all over the place. It's too bad that your fiance doesn't care. Pick up and clean up as you go. Make it a habit to get this under control on a daily basis.
Yeah, I want to make it a habit to keep it up, it seems like it wouldn't be as much of a burden. I feel like when we get surprise visitors, I want my house to be nice and not be distracted by the mess. I think I would be happier in a clean house, not that I'm not already happy that is. I work long hours Sat and Sun and it always throws me off, seems like every Monday I'm back to square one!
I have a problem of keeping up with housework too, but for different reasons. I retired in 2010 so I could relax after a very stressful job. But, as luck would have it, there was no relaxing for me; our youngest daughter announced she was pregnant right before I retired but I had already turned in my paperwork to retire so I did go on and retire. But, when her baby was born she asked if I would keep the baby till she was old enough for daycare. I agreed and that baby is now 13 mos. old and I'm still keeping her cause my daughter can't bear the thought of leaving her with anyone else. Then, our middle daughter got divorced and moved back to our town with her 2 kids and couldn't afford daycare. So guess who keeps them? I'm glad to be able to help my girls but some days its almost more than this old lady can bear. Anyway, my housework sure suffers all week and weekends I am just too give out to do much; I only do what is necessary to keep my house from being referred to as a pig stye! I know there are lots of other grandparents doing the same as I am, but every once in a while I just have to have a pity party.
If they are anything like me, trust me, they appreciate it greatly...and they probably feel back asking you all the time (I know I did) but it saved me so much money a month, you have no idea what a blessing you are being...don't worry, they will be in school before you know it and you will form such a wonderful bond with your grandchildren...you are probably much wiser than their mothers and I've read articles about the importance of grandparents bonding with their grandchildren.
-
Use your fc to get someone to come and clean once a month! I have someone every 2 weeks because even though I try to keep up and do a little at a time, I like the feel of an entirely clean house, not just a piece. In my world, that requires someone else coming to do the floors, bathrooms, dusting and changing of the sheets for a couple of hours, while I spend that time tidying, organizing and fine tuning! It is suuuuch a breath of fresh air!!
-
I think your husband should start to pitch in a little more it is gonna be hard if you wanna do it alone. But u should start paying a maid once a week at least to do a really clean housswork
-
I have no problem getting housework done
-
I have a hard time keep up the hour work due to my disabilitis so my husband does what I can't do/
-
I have the same problem here. I gave birth to my son about 4.5 months ago and it made my back worst. If i dont do it the chores dont get done or they dont get done right. Fiancee when he washes the dishes doesnt do them right and I will have to redo them.
-
Well as far as the fiancee not helping, I don't know if it is a midwest thing or not, but I wouldn't expect anything different, I don't know of any men that help their partners clean house, I have been reading your post lot of comments about him needing to help more, I would love to meet 5 men that actually help without a bad attitude :bs: As far as having 2 little ones around, I think it is harder to keep things picked up more, they just seem to be into everything, have you designated a play area just for their toys, games etc...make them stay in 1 room/area with all the toys? I think the key to keeping a house truly cleaned up looking aside from keeping up with dishes, bed making the basics, is to de-clutter!! Good luck on the fiancee!!
-
Well ever since I got the house PRETTY clean, I make sure, although time for myself I know is important, I clean first, play later, and I usually don't go to bed until midnight and I use the time the kids are in bed to finish up. It has been going well, as I said earlier the weekends usually throw me off but not so much...I hope I can keep this new clean house up. I think it will be worth it.
-
I don't have a problem keeping my house clean but I don't have kids to make a mess either. I have a big yard though and it is a never ending process trying to keep up with my yard work.
-
I don't have a problem keeping my house clean but I don't have kids to make a mess either. I have a big yard though and it is a never ending process trying to keep up with my yard work.
Oh yes, when it comes to the yard I can only imagine. It's a lot of work to make your yard look nice and keep it that way. I don't even have very much yard, far less than an acre, and I think it's a lot of work. It needs grass seed, but I'm renting and don't want to put a bunch of money into it. I work at Home Depot though, and have my eye on sales on red mulch to put down, the mulch here now is scarce and faded. I figure by the time I get all new mulch I will have spent about ten bucks. Not bad.
-
If you have 2 small children, please focus on their health and especially clean up areas where they play and eat, etc. Your children are most precious and need your attention and love and a clean, healthy environment to live in.