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Discussion Boards => Off-Topic => Debate & Discuss => Topic started by: Nancy5 on June 17, 2013, 12:04:10 pm
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What would you do, my one friend has a 20 year old son who has stole things from her (some jewelry and about $50.00). He left home at 18 and they had a major falling out, after a year, they made up & he moved back home. Now after the stealing her husband threw him out again, but also pressed charges & he will be arrested, as he pawned some of the jewelry. Throwing him out is one thing, but what if he turns his life around in 1, 2 or 3 years, he will always have this record. I have known him since he was a baby, he is a good kid, just took a wrong turn. Do you think they should press charges or not?
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What would you do, my one friend has a 20 year old son who has stole things from her (some jewelry and about $50.00). He left home at 18 and they had a major falling out, after a year, they made up & he moved back home. Now after the stealing her husband threw him out again, but also pressed charges & he will be arrested, as he pawned some of the jewelry. Throwing him out is one thing, but what if he turns his life around in 1, 2 or 3 years, he will always have this record. I have known him since he was a baby, he is a good kid, just took a wrong turn. Do you think they should press charges or not?
I guess this would depend upon how the parents feel. There's a reason why he's stealing. Does he have a drug addiction and is the money/jewelry he steals supplying his habit? If so, then maybe the best thing they can do is have him arrested.
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Sometimes they can learn a lesson from being arrested. It is unfortunate it had to come to this, but have they talked to him about why he stole the money and the jewelry? I hope the situation can be corrected before he has a record he cannot get out of. :o ??? :o :wave:
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They don't think he uses drugs, only works part time and they think he just needs the money for gas, smoking, beer, etc. I know it's wrong, and he must pay, but like you said, he's young and this record will follow him. What if he turns his life around, like he might, this will follow him. :'(
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I think it is their choice. Like others said sometimes you have to hit bottom to turn your life around and maybe being arrested would help their son turn his life around. In my opinion it is a little extreme especially without knowing why he feels compelled to steal over asking for money from his parents. Maybe there is something more going on with him.
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They don't think he uses drugs, only works part time and they think he just needs the money for gas, smoking, beer, etc. I know it's wrong, and he must pay, but like you said, he's young and this record will follow him. What if he turns his life around, like he might, this will follow him. :'(
Even if he is convicted, it sounds like the offense would be eligible for an expungement. It's a rather minor offense.
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It is called tough Love and hopefull a little time in the clinker will turn him around.
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I doubt that he will ever learn until he spends some time in jail.
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Honestly, I think getting arrested would be a good thing.
It could be a life lesson for the son.
Worse cares scenario (hopefully, it doesn't happen) it doesn't happen again in the future.
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I feel like it is right to press charges. It is probably the only way to get through to the kid. Because there has already been a falling out, there is probably some deep issues going on that the family needs to work out. Sometimes a giant push is needed to make someone see how wrong they are living their life.
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Yes they should. Tough love. He's past old enough to know better. Stealing is bad in itself but stealing from your parents? That is so much worse.
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When it comes to dealing with your children you have to do what you feel is right. Every situation is different, so as a parent you should do what you believe is the best thing to do for your child.
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What would you do, my one friend has a 20 year old son who has stole things from her (some jewelry and about $50.00). He left home at 18 and they had a major falling out, after a year, they made up & he moved back home. Now after the stealing her husband threw him out again, but also pressed charges & he will be arrested, as he pawned some of the jewelry. Throwing him out is one thing, but what if he turns his life around in 1, 2 or 3 years, he will always have this record. I have known him since he was a baby, he is a good kid, just took a wrong turn. Do you think they should press charges or not?
Most people (unless they are kleptomaniacs ) who are pawning items after they steal have a tendency and a desperate need to satisfy an addiction - hence the quick cash to take care of their "fix".
In my opinion, if your friend's son is someone who has a compulsion to steal just for the sake of stealing (a kleptomaniac), then that's a psychological issue that needs to be addressed by a professional.
If your friend's son is someone who has an addiction of some sort - like drugs or alcohol - then that is also an issue that needs to be addressed by a professional.
I would see if the son is willing to talk about his reason for stealing on the basis of not pressing charges. If He is willing to get some professional help or counseling, then I would try that route first. Only after I tried this and he was not willing and absolutely did not care about his actions or consequences would I then seriously think about pressing charges.
I want to also say that I am not a doctor, councilor or lawyer. What I've shared is just my own personal opinion. I share from experience. Although I never was arrested for stealing, I have been in a 12-step recovery program since 2001. I have seen many people come through the doors on a court order and turn their lives around. It can happen!
Good luck and I hope this helps.
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I feel very strongly about this. My son was on this track and a number of things occurred that put him over the top. Now he is deceased and I would give anything to have him back.
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An update, he was arrested and booked this morning. He somehow made bail and is out, has a court date in July.
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Hope everything works out for the best.
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D: How did he even get the money wtf. But if its to this point, tough love indeed
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if he'd steal from his own mother then there's no telling what else he'll do.... tough love.... no mercy!!!!
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Hard question. What works for one kid may not work for another. Some just build resentment over the whole tough love thing, others thrive on the love them anyway theory.
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Wow hope he learns his lesson before someone does something to him
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I feel very strongly about this. My son was on this track and a number of things occurred that put him over the top. Now he is deceased and I would give anything to have him back.
So sorry for your loss. <3
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What would you do, my one friend has a 20 year old son who has stole things from her (some jewelry and about $50.00). He left home at 18 and they had a major falling out, after a year, they made up & he moved back home. Now after the stealing her husband threw him out again, but also pressed charges & he will be arrested, as he pawned some of the jewelry. Throwing him out is one thing, but what if he turns his life around in 1, 2 or 3 years, he will always have this record. I have known him since he was a baby, he is a good kid, just took a wrong turn. Do you think they should press charges or not?
yeah sounds like a druggie good kid my butt... he got kicked out for a reason
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I think they need to talk to him. Maybe he on his tough time and need more love from a family. But thing not working out, then get help is a thing.
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if son steals timeless again.. put him to jail
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I think it is the right thing to do, esp. since he is now legally an adult. There must be a reason why he is stealing and pawning what he stole, so even if the family would rather him get some professional help, there may not be much that they can do except by trying to force him through the courts. The judge may reduce some of the penalties if he agrees to get professional help for whatever is causing him to steal. It's better to nip it in the bud than to let him continue to steal from those outside of his family that may not be as caring (meaning that the family may be more willing to work with him / the courts to get him counseling whereas were he to steal from a stranger, they may just say to lock him up).
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I agree with most posts, but the scary thing is he was living with his girlfriend, but last Wednesday moved out on her and no one has heard from him or knows where he is. It's been almost a week :'(
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Not trying to be smart, but has anyone in this family considered prayer and/or counseling? :angel12:
I know you're concerned about your friend and their son. Here's hoping he turns up soon and will turn his life around NOW. :sad1:
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They have spent tons of money on counseling. He was a 'perfect' son then all of a sudden....the last few years have been the years from hell. :'(
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Its rough on the parents. Tough love might help, but sounds like he needed more when he was young.I just cannot see giving into to the youngester when they are young because they just keep wanting more. My 2 boys had a lot of tough love when they were growing up and it didn't hurt them. But they learned right from wrong knew they had to earn whatever the wanted.