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Discussion Boards => Off-Topic => Debate & Discuss => Topic started by: Nancy5 on September 20, 2013, 01:22:59 pm

Title: Is it ok to lie?
Post by: Nancy5 on September 20, 2013, 01:22:59 pm: Let me know what you guys think. My girlfriend just spent about $10,000.00 for a complete kitchen make over. I went with another friend to see the completed project. My friend was so happy and proud of the kitchen. Granted, it's not the color of countertop I would have picked, it has a pink cast to it. The other friend told her 'I don't like the color, what the hell where you thinking?' My friend was crushed, as I would be. I told her I liked it, even though I didn't. If she would have asked me before she bought it, I would have told her the truth, but after it's bought and installed, why hurt her. What do you think?
Title: Re: Is it ok to lie?
Post by: Mikena on September 20, 2013, 02:33:35 pm: Quote from: Nancy5 on September 20, 2013, 01:22:59 pm
Let me know what you guys think. My girlfriend just spent about $10,000.00 for a complete kitchen make over. I went with another friend to see the completed project. My friend was so happy and proud of the kitchen. Granted, it's not the color of countertop I would have picked, it has a pink cast to it. The other friend told her 'I don't like the color, what the hell where you thinking?' My friend was crushed, as I would be. I told her I liked it, even though I didn't. If she would have asked me before she bought it, I would have told her the truth, but after it's bought and installed, why hurt her. What do you think?
I think that you are a true friend. If she is happy with the results why should you hurt her feelings; after all you don't have to live with it. Now it is alittle too late, she has the kitchen finished. I have learned that sometimes it is better to bite your tongue rather than say what you may actually feel especially if it involves the feelings of another person. Part of a good friendship is not always seeing things the same way but still loving the other person for being whom they are. :heart:
Title: Re: Is it ok to lie?
Post by: Nancy5 on September 20, 2013, 07:18:45 pm: Thank you Mikena, I didn't want to hurt her feelings as I knew she was happy and loved her choice. My saying I didn't like it would serve no purpose as it was in and she loved it.

:wave: :wave:
Title: Re: Is it ok to lie?
Post by: paints on September 21, 2013, 03:40:47 pm: Quote from: Nancy5 on September 20, 2013, 01:22:59 pm
it's not the color of countertop I would have picked

True, but then, it's not your kitchen.
If your friend is happy with it, allow her happiness by not voicing criticism.
Find something about it that you DO like, and compliment that.
Title: Re: Is it ok to lie?
Post by: Nancy5 on September 21, 2013, 04:10:24 pm: paints, I did tell her I liked it, I would never hurt her feelings. It was not what I would have choose, but I was not going to tell her. It was her OTHER friend who criticized the counter top, not me.
Title: Re: Is it ok to lie?
Post by: skrogman on September 23, 2013, 04:27:26 am: Yep, I probably would have said something along the lines of "Well, I am glad you can be cozy in your new kitchen, but it's not something I would have chosen." But if it suits her functionally and her personality then I am happy for her. I only say that because my house is decorated in tigers. I love them. They are a very regal animal. And, yes, I love them so much and have them everywhere even to the point that if I could find tiger striped countertops, yep, I would do it!
Title: Re: Is it ok to lie?
Post by: rghvac69 on September 23, 2013, 04:46:41 am: I think it's OK to lie to avoid an argument or spare hurt feelings.
Title: Re: Is it ok to lie?
Post by: samrhett2 on September 23, 2013, 04:54:37 am: I think you did the right thing. There was nothing to be gained by telling the truth. The truth is, you are happy with it, if she is happy with it. I think that hurting people for the sake of being honest when it really doesn't matter is just bad manners. Now if her husband was cheating and she asked you about that and you lied, I would say you are not doing the right thing because that is information that it is in her best interest to know, but the truth that the other person gave her had no value other than to hurt.
Title: Re: Is it ok to lie?
Post by: batmobile on September 23, 2013, 09:24:07 am: no... but you could keep your mouth shut if you need too :thumbsup:
Title: Re: Is it ok to lie?
Post by: msmoneybags48 on September 26, 2013, 06:10:43 am: There is a saying, "If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all." In this case, I give you kudos for not hurting your friend's feelings. You allowed her to be happy about her choice. While you wouldn't have chosen the color pink for your counter top, she spent $10K for the remodeling of her kitchen. You were right to let her be happy. Her other friend figured she could be honest about her dislike of the kitchen, but she hurt her feelings. If my friend spent $10K on her kitchen, I would lie too. After all, she has to live with her choice, so it doesn't matter whether it is liked or not. :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :wave:
Title: Re: Is it ok to lie?
Post by: tangeladeyoun on September 28, 2013, 05:03:00 pm: You did the right thing. since sh edoes love it and has to live with it. She probably knows deep down you don't really care for it. But she will get over it. Then her friend shouldn't been trying to spark trouble. She shouldn't be telling her that you don't like it. Its none of her business and if it was that important that you liked it. She would ve taken you with her or had gotten your opinion in the beginning of the project before it was final.

You did the best you could and it was the right thing. Sometimes people ask questions they don't really want the answer to.
Title: Re: Is it ok to lie?
Post by: am28slone on September 30, 2013, 02:03:56 pm: I think you should have focused on what you did like and brag about it. There were other things about her kitchen that you did like and I would have highlighted on that. I also believe that true friends understand you no matter what.
Title: Re: Is it ok to lie?
Post by: Kirenisa on September 30, 2013, 11:26:38 pm: I would've said how I felt I mean if she likes it great but doesn't mean I'll agree, but if you want to tell a white lie like that I don't think there's anything wrong with it.
Title: Re: Is it ok to lie?
Post by: florezitta10 on September 30, 2013, 11:39:04 pm: I don't know maybe just keep it to your self and you won't have to lie lol
Title: Re: Is it ok to lie?
Post by: sarabtrayior on October 01, 2013, 09:18:40 am: You did the right thing... why hurt her feeling, you could say I would have done it this way (or another) but your way it right for YOU!!!
Title: Re: Is it ok to lie?
Post by: batmobile on November 05, 2013, 09:13:32 pm: no...
Title: Re: Is it ok to lie?
Post by: zreeds on November 05, 2013, 09:53:15 pm: well you guys are going to think i'm crazy but I lie. like the person asking the question, I lie to avoid hurting someone's feelings, to avoid confrontations, or just to shut the other person up. when marketing call my home, I tell them it's not me or I don't live at that number. I know it's wrong and i'm working on it.
Title: Re: Is it ok to lie?
Post by: queenofnines on November 06, 2013, 12:13:25 pm: If your friend is happy with her counters that's all that matters; you were right to not be a jerk about them! You did exactly the right thing.
Title: Re: Is it ok to lie?
Post by: angsilva2000 on November 06, 2013, 01:57:26 pm: Its ok to lie if yoy need to
Title: Re: Is it ok to lie?
Post by: Dynamite2013 on November 16, 2013, 09:46:39 pm: I wouldn't tell that I liked or disliked it but I would tell her what I would have done if it were my kitchen. then I would tell her I liked it because I wouldn't want to hurt her feelings. there was a time I painted my kitchen orange and no one like it but it didn't bother me I loved it. so it really depends on the person. by the way my kitchen now has fruit wallpaper and everyone asks me why and I tell them that I am a fruitcake and I want my kitchen to match me. I also have fruit curtains and I bought fruit paper to cover my things in the kitchen not to mention a fruit tablecloth, tablemats, dishcloths, and dish towels to match.
Title: Re: Is it ok to lie?
Post by: minervaspirit on November 17, 2013, 10:25:18 am: I think you did the exact right thing - given that it was too late for her to make changes. Nothing to be gained except having your friend feel that she had made some costly bad choices.

However if she would have asked BEFORE the fact - I would have given her completely straightforward opinions -
Title: Re: Is it ok to lie?
Post by: sak4kat on November 17, 2013, 06:59:01 pm: If a friend of mine went through all that and asked me over to take a look I would have gone on and on how the new look completely fit's there personality. If asked if I liked it I would say it's not for me but it totally suits you. I'd probably hint about how I can't wait to come eat dinner sometime in the new kitchen. There is no reason to be mean about it. Just honest.
Title: Re: Is it ok to lie?
Post by: linderlizzie on November 17, 2013, 07:31:20 pm: I think possibly you could have avoided a direct answer. Lying doesn't ever solve things, but there are creative ways of sparing one's feelings.

Suggested replies to question posed: Do you like it? Great! Then I like it too because you do. Are you going to have a party to celebrate now? :party: Or: What interesting colors. What inspired them?

Granted, this was not a big lie when compared to the greater scheme of things. But honesty is the best policy. Small lies can lead to big lies so it's good not to start down that road. :peace:

:star: :star: :star: :star: :star: :star: :star: :star: :star: :star: :star: :star: :star: :star: :star: :star: :star: :star: :star:
Title: Re: Is it ok to lie?
Post by: skinnygwenny on November 18, 2013, 06:42:54 pm: I would never say it is OK to lie, but sometime depending on what situation you are in will dictate what you say.
Title: Re: Is it ok to lie?
Post by: vp44 on November 20, 2013, 05:52:58 pm: First off if I had 10,000 dollars I do not think I would allow someone to spend my money. Second if you have that kind of money to WASTE wth are you complaining about if she is allowed to have access to that money.
Title: Re: Is it ok to lie?
Post by: shunntwo on November 26, 2013, 07:05:12 pm: YES. Lying is a personal choice.
Title: Re: Is it ok to lie?
Post by: bhare1 on November 27, 2013, 02:09:44 am: I feel no it's not okay to lie, but everyone does it at one time or another. I guess it depends on the reason behind the lie. Was it to spare someones feelings or was it just to tell a lie for no reason. That is dumb. It's all a matter of what you can live with everyday when you look at yourself in the mirror :-\
Title: Re: Is it ok to lie?
Post by: moon29 on November 27, 2013, 08:33:02 am: i personally think that she should stand up for what she wanted it is after all her house and her money that she spent if she wanted one with a slight pink cast then yeah for her. your other friend shouldn't have been such a meany about it but i don't see any issue other then there tact. not everyone is going to like everything that someone else does. i wouldn't care if my friends didnt like it and so should your friend be she shouldn't feel crushed she should be happy that she has something that she likes.
Title: Re: Is it ok to lie?
Post by: jmc1070 on November 27, 2013, 09:38:22 pm: In this case you did the right thing. It is not good to lie, but each situation has to evaluated individually. If the truth serves no purpose but to cause hurt or bad feelings, then leaving it unsaid is probably the better choice.
Title: Re: Is it ok to lie?
Post by: stretch1967 on November 28, 2013, 05:47:38 pm: There is no excuse for lying
Title: Re: Is it ok to lie?
Post by: king4cash on November 29, 2013, 09:11:08 am: Listen, whether it is a little, Big or white lie. A LIE is a LIE.
Title: Re: Is it ok to lie?
Post by: waterbearer94 on December 01, 2013, 07:29:02 am: well if she isn't happy with the result that sucks but if she likes it I don't think it matters what the others think
Title: Re: Is it ok to lie?
Post by: swkstudent on December 01, 2013, 04:13:33 pm: I think you did the right thing in that situation!
Title: Re: Is it ok to lie?
Post by: swkstudent on December 01, 2013, 04:14:49 pm: I don't necessarily think its right to lie but some situations like the one you described are hard tell the truth while sparing someone's feelings.
Title: Re: Is it ok to lie?
Post by: cashrose on December 02, 2013, 10:07:54 am: Quote from: Nancy5 on September 20, 2013, 01:22:59 pm
Let me know what you guys think. My girlfriend just spent about $10,000.00 for a complete kitchen make over. I went with another friend to see the completed project. My friend was so happy and proud of the kitchen. Granted, it's not the color of countertop I would have picked, it has a pink cast to it. The other friend told her 'I don't like the color, what the hell where you thinking?' My friend was crushed, as I would be. I told her I liked it, even though I didn't. If she would have asked me before she bought it, I would have told her the truth, but after it's bought and installed, why hurt her. What do you think?
Well, I think she didn't believed herself. But rather believed what you said. Really pink kitchen? I'm a lady and yeah pink is good but for the kitchen. I would only make or give my little girls a doll house with pink kitchen but not in my kitchen! Hope she'll match things up in around the kitchens... :party: :party: :party: :bad: :bad:
Title: Re: Is it ok to lie?
Post by: ladycasshmere on December 14, 2013, 11:26:21 am: I agree with the person who said I would have told her that color suits you.One thing I have learned from my friendships is that we are not going to always have the same type of taste and opinons but mmy friends and I find a way to be honest without hurting each others feelings.
Title: Re: Is it ok to lie?
Post by: kimmy29 on December 14, 2013, 11:37:26 am: Quote from: Nancy5 on September 20, 2013, 01:22:59 pm
Let me know what you guys think. My girlfriend just spent about $10,000.00 for a complete kitchen make over. I went with another friend to see the completed project. My friend was so happy and proud of the kitchen. Granted, it's not the color of countertop I would have picked, it has a pink cast to it. The other friend told her 'I don't like the color, what the hell where you thinking?' My friend was crushed, as I would be. I told her I liked it, even though I didn't. If she would have asked me before she bought it, I would have told her the truth, but after it's bought and installed, why hurt her. What do you think?
Title: Re: Is it ok to lie?
Post by: kimmy29 on December 14, 2013, 11:48:20 am: its not good to lie to the one you love