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Discussion Boards => Off-Topic => Topic started by: sgluckadoo on December 14, 2014, 04:34:17 pm
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Have you ever had to cut yourself off from a horrible family member? Care to share? I am dealing with this now and it is hard.
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Yes I have finally had to cut myself off from a grandson who has ripped me off for thousands of dollars. If he would apply himself to writing for TV he would do well as I was stupid enough to believe all of his stories. He is a heroin addict and I was a fool.
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Yes I have finally had to cut myself off from a grandson who has ripped me off for thousands of dollars. If he would apply himself to writing for TV he would do well as I was stupid enough to believe all of his stories. He is a heroin addict and I was a fool.
I am sorry about your grandson. My family member is an alcoholic and lies as easily as she breathes. She has destroyed relationships I had with other family members, lied about money issues, slandered my name because I won't support her lying, and refuses to admit she needs help. I just can't continue with her, if she won't get help, and she won't.
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I can relate, the whole family cut my brother in law out of our lives. It's a very long story and I am not getting into it, but if you can steal from your sick mother, threaten other family members, that's grounds for being cut off from the whole family. He is a big time drug addict and now has a kid of his own and he is worse then ever.
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I am so sorry to hear that. I have been very blessed with a wonderful family. I hope whatever your matter is, I hope you can work it out. Good luck.
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I had to cut my sister out of my life for a while. She was addicted to prescription medications. Things got so bad she was impossible to talk to or reason with. She alienated the whole family and all her former friends so that when her oldest daughter died of cancer two years ago, she ended up with no one to visit her. My other sister and I are trying to mend our relationship with her. I don't want to die not speaking to my sister.
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So sorry about your situation. I have been lucky enough not to have to cut any members out. I feel bad for any one that has had to do that, I know a few people that have had too for certain reasons and it has caused such pain.
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So sorry about your situation. I have been lucky enough not to have to cut any members out. I feel bad for any one that has had to do that, I know a few people that have had too for certain reasons and it has caused such pain.
Thanks. It really is very painful and it feels wrong even when it is the best/right thing to do. It is exhausting.
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Completely cut out no, there are ones though that I don't go out of my way to see though.
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Sometimes separating from them shows them that they gotta change for the better I just pray an hope God helps them an good luck with anyone having that problem
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I wouldn't say my sister-in-law is horrible but it is very hard to get along with her. She thinks her kids are perfect and can do no wrong and that she is always right, which she is not.
My grandmother and also My husbands natural mother on the other hand. Because of the things my grandmother did and said about my mom, my dad and us cut her out of our lives back before I even graduated High school and still was not talking to her 23 years ago when she died. My grandfather yes in a round about way.
As for my mother-in-law she is a plain out -ithch and my husband has had nothing to do with her since we got married 23 years ago. She has never even seen her granddaughters except for in the pictures his youngest brother were given. She was living with him at the time and she didn't like how he displayed them and tried to tear them up. He told her it was his house and he loved his nieces so would there for proudly display the pictures as he wished. If she didn't like it she could go live somewhere else.
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Yes, years ago the family had to cut ties with my uncle ( my mother's sister's husband). He was a binge drunk. He would go on these binges for a few months, quit his job, leave home, and sleep in the streets or shelters or anyplace he could find. The bottle was more important than anything. He was drunk so many times, and missed my father's funeral, my grandfather and grandmother's funeral (his inlaws), and even his own son's wedding, too drunk to attend, too drunk to know and too drunk to even care. After a few months he would clean up his act, come home, promise to be good and my aunt would take him back! This pattern continued until he finally died. The sad thing was contact with my aunt was minumal because the family was sick of her taking him back time after time because he always repeated his drunk pattern.
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Luckly we don't have any horrible family members that screw up holiday parties. i do have a brother that i haven't spoken to for 3 years but that is another story. :(
needless to say he will not be invited to any family parties.
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Yes, there are a few people in my family I'm trying to cut out of my life.
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I am happy to said, I have not had to deal with a horrible family member. The bad ones we just don't keep in touch with, but we need to learn to get along if we can and have peace on earth.
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Sometimes separating from them shows them that they gotta change for the better I just pray an hope God helps them an good luck with anyone having that problem
"Sometimes separating from them shows them that they gotta change for the better" - that is really what I was hoping they would think too, but not the case.
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My dad can be hard to deal with as well. I am thirty seven. Our relationship has always been hard. I pray for him and ask the Lord to help me love him.
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We have a brother that we have had to cut off relations with. He and his wife we had to evict from a home my parents owned, he refused to pay rent, was letting the house just fall down around him. Then he moved into our parents home which took us another year to get him out of. One of the grandchildren was living there at the time and told us how he was verbally abusive and pushing and shoving our parents around and threatening them if they said anything. Then when he started to hit the grandchild my sister just happened to drop by and called the police on him. A rat infestation happened while they were there, they are both (he and his wife) filthy pigs. Our niece (their daughter) lives with my sister because they were such horrible parents. They rest of us got together and got them a car and a small house in another state (where she is from). The family there thought we were just picking on them, now they have a different attitude. My parents still talk to them on the phone but now we don't have to worry about the mental and physical abuse to them.
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There have been a few I felt like I should have over the years but I couldn't give them the benefit of my experience if I never talked to them and eventually they did straighten out. Its not always a pleasant thing to deal with but generally the worst acting ones are the ones that need your love the most. Maybe it also helps to cut them out for awhile I don't know.. Good luck to you anyway.
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yes, a little bit, you just have to learn how to draw limits...unfortunate when it happens because families are supposed to be close to one another :(
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You are not alone. Many families these days are dealing with some form of disfunction. Sometimes the best thing you can do is walk away, I too have had to do so. It is so very hard to do, but once I realized I wasn't really helping them, I was enabling them it was time to walk away. When they finally want to help themselves then I will offer my support again but in a different manner. Good Luck.
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You are not alone. Many families these days are dealing with some form of disfunction. Sometimes the best thing you can do is walk away, I too have had to do so. It is so very hard to do, but once I realized I wasn't really helping them, I was enabling them it was time to walk away. When they finally want to help themselves then I will offer my support again but in a different manner. Good Luck.
"When they finally want to help themselves then I will offer my support again but in a different manner" - I think that is a great way to look at it and I hope they develop the insight needed to realize they need help! Mine have not.
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I've a couple of family members who I deemed are parasites. I haven't completely cut them out of my life, but I don't make attempts to keep in contact with them. I also have a problem saying no to people if they did ask something of me.
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Unfortunately I have had to do this twice. Once with my blood father-I still give him a chance every nine to ten years to see if he has changed his ways but, sadly, it appears that he will never change. Recently I had a distant, non-blood, Uncle that, in my younger years was a good man, has turned into an unscrupulous, immoral and unethical person. My Aunt had been dying from cancer for two years and he decided to bilk my parents out of some cash under the pretense of a tremendous return. My parents ended up taking care of my Aunt at their own home. He would come back to visit but was extremely rude to her. Yelled at my parents for helping my aunt go to the bathroom when she was too weak. At the funeral he went on, ad nauseum, about how wonderful the church was with their support (they visited once every three months or so and he said a very brief Thank you to my parents. His daughter, who caused my Aunt to live through Hell on earth, got up and spoke about the wonderful relationship he had with my Aunt. Less than a year after my Aunt's death he remarried and had a grand honey moon in Hawaii-still hasn't paid my parents back. He forced my cousin to go to a religious cult college and made him go to a therapist from his religious cult when it didn't work out. The therapist tried to have sex with my cousin and my Uncle wouldn't believe my cousin because of the cult ties. He was asked to not appear at out Christmas celebration but showed up any way. I excused myself so as not to make a scene. Sometimes you just have to cut the ties.
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Oh yes! I still don't speak to my mother who was abusive and controlling... Or my sister... It was toxic and I'm glad I still don't speak to them... It is their loss, I was the black sheep and scapegoat... And some people don't understand... You can't have a relationship with someone who treats you like crap and won't change, or respect your boundaries.
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Just ignore them and Don't give a dam about them at all ,NO EYE CONTACT , NO communication , NOTHING!!! I have a ton of family members that I do not want to deal with at all.
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Oh yes! I still don't speak to my mother who was abusive and controlling... Or my sister... It was toxic and I'm glad I still don't speak to them... It is their loss, I was the black sheep and scapegoat... And some people don't understand... You can't have a relationship with someone who treats you like crap and won't change, or respect your boundaries.
I understand the boundaries part! Even in my attempt to distance myself, those boundaries are stomped all over!
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I haven't had to deal with a horrible family member...i think I was the horrible one in my younger days. :) But now, everything different and for the better.
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I am so sorry to hear all these stories of family members who have drug and alchohol issues and as a result, do things that force their family members to stay away from them. I used to work for a family who had these problems and felt very sorry for them too. I am blessed to have a family where nobody has these issues and where we all get along just fine.
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Absolutely. I had to cut ties with my father. I am 44 years old and he has been horrible. He has continuously hurt me a majority of my life. And I no longer could take the pain. He always made promises that he never kept, degraded me. I also had to do this with my grandfather and his wife. I also I had to do this with my step-father. After my mother passed away, he would not let me barely have any of my mother's belongings.
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Im 23yrs old and i had to cut off my grandma and the way i see it we ain't never going to be family or close again. Im not going to go into it but i always wanted that gramdmotherly Love but i guess that was to much to ask for because i didn't get that. It hurts that my grandma would do that to someone thats family. Its not fair that i have to be the one sorry when i did nothing wrong. :(
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YES!! I always say I have the type of family you have to stay away from in order to be happy. They are fake and will lie on you and drag your name in some stuff that has nothing to do with you. Some I stay completely away from and some I just speak to and keep it moving.
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I'm not encouraging unforgiveness or hatred, You don't have to hold hatred but it's perfectly fine to love someone from a distance, and very necessary if them being in your life means chaos
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Fortunately I haven't had to do this. Family is so important, I can't imagine how you must feel.
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Yes I have finally had to cut myself off from a grandson who has ripped me off for thousands of dollars. If he would apply himself to writing for TV he would do well as I was stupid enough to believe all of his stories. He is a heroin addict and I was a fool.
I am sorry about your grandson. My family member is an alcoholic and lies as easily as she breathes. She has destroyed relationships I had with other family members, lied about money issues, slandered my name because I won't support her lying, and refuses to admit she needs help. I just can't continue with her, if she won't get help, and she won't.
When I was younger I had a cousin who lied all the time. Her parents believed everything she said. She told some stuff on me when I was in my early 20's. Her parents would not speak to my family for years and there was a problem with me being around their kids. Although I never knew what she told. Then they found out she is a habitual liar and everything was okay. Never did know what she told on me. I am guessing I never will. Would like to though.
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thankfully I have not had to "cut the ties" but I can definitely relate since I too have experienced such behavior. Just remember you have done the right thing - the only way for a drug addict or alcoholic to get better is to first ADMIT they have a problem and second be willing to do whatever it may take to change it. Praying I find helps. Good luck.
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I have a sister who is not the best of people but thinks she is the only on who knows anything and I hate it when she comes back into town for a couple of weeks at a time. She lives in Alaska. I spend at least once a day out at dads helping him, buy his groceries and make sure all meds are up to date, laundry and make sure he always gets to where he has to go. Cook meals for him. then she comes in and it all goes to he** in a hurry. She will lie about everything to make her self look good and that I am a bad person. He had a bad leak in his house and had been with my brother in texas. Well I don't know how it leaked but the wood flooring was all ruined and I got on the phone with the insurance co. and go it all done and he already had a check for repairs in his account and she told everyone that she had to come down and straighten it out. And on it goes. Lots of horror stories. I love her but cannot stand her. She even made a play for my husband but now he sees the light.
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I am at the point with a couple of different family members where that could easily be the end result. Don't let people from the outside effect your decision. You know what is going on with you, and only you know what is best.
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There's someone I had to cut off because they had a toxic effect on me. If I knew in advance I had to go anywhere or be around them, I would dread the upcoming event so much that I would get depressed, anxious, crabby with others, over eat, get nauseous & dreadfully sick, suicidal.... until the event was over. When life would be so much better if someone wasn't in it----it's time to move on & NEVER look back.
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I don't necessarily have a horrible family member; but I'm very careful about who I interact with. I love being alone and I won't interact with someone I don't trust.
Also, just because we're related to someone doesn't mean we have to tolerate negative behavior. :heart:
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My middle sister and I aren't talking and I miss her, but I won't excuse her unacceptable behavior. I'll be glad when she comes to her senses and apologizes so we can move on, but then again what she did was so horrible my baby sister may still not forgive her. This is horrible but I can't knowingly allow toxicity in my life or around my kids.
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the day my wife told her family that she was in a wheelchair was the last time we saw heard or even talked to them now that shes looking at surgery to hopefully get her to walking again we are trying to figure out what path to take with her family?? any suggestions
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the day my wife told her family that she was in a wheelchair was the last time we saw heard or even talked to them now that shes looking at surgery to hopefully get her to walking again we are trying to figure out what path to take with her family?? any suggestions
That is just horrible. How can anyone do that to their own family. All I can say is, try to sit down with them to talk things out. I think the wheelchair shouldn't matter, especially because it's family. They should've been there for the both of you. Good luck if you guys decide to do the surgery.
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yes I had to cut off ties with my brother because he caused so much trouble with me and my mother
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I have had to cut off my older brother for so many reasons. I have not talked to him in almost 5 years. I think he may be skitzophrenic. Took my lug nuts off my tires, called my job a few years back and my other sibling jobs and made up lies trying to get us fired, there is just so much he has done to us. I usually get sucked back in though b/c I feel bad for him but I am trying to stand my ground this time. I do not need all of that in my life.
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I just went to my grandmother's funeral a few weeks ago. We didn't really get along but I went more for my mother. That's when I found about the infighting between her and a few of her sisters. Ugh. It got kind of awkward.
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Yes and so sad my brother and sister (my only siblings) put me through very hard times when my mom was sick and passed away. They have a lot of problems and really they cut me off because all they cared about was their inheritance - once they got that they had no use for me and that is fine. Hurts but I know it is for the best.
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I don't really talk to anyone but my dad and sister and that's how I like it!
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There are a couple I would prefer not to have anything to do with and keep away from my kids. Unfortunately, it would mean doing the same with other people who don't deserve that treatment, so until things change one way or the other, we just have as little to do with them as possible.
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Yes. My dad side family is a jerk. All they think about them self. So I just don't keep in touch with any of them. Just ignore them on holiday.
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Yes, I have done this. More than once. Some people are easier to distance yourself from than others. But just because you have to distance yourself from them, for whatever your reasons are, doesn't mean you have to forget about them or stop caring about them or stop loving them. It just means you need to protect yourself or your family from destructive behaviours, etc. and there is nothing wrong with this. You have to take care of yourself, because if you don't you'll only suffer much greater and you won't be able to be there for anyone else let alone be there for yourself. You have to set boundaries, and once you do you must stick to them. It doesn't do anyone any good if you don't abide by your own rules you know? Take care of and protect yourself, so that you may be better able take care of and protect others. I'm sorry you are finding yourself in this situation, it's not an enjoyable place to be in but don't let anyone make you feel ashamed or guilty for doing what you need to do. I hope things get better for you and that some day your difficult relationship will be able to heal.
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Yup every families got them. I don't talk to half of my family anymore sad to say but sometimes you have to cut yourself lose from those who don't deserve to be in your life.
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I have a few toxic people in extended family that I stay away from. Previously I used to talk with them just for courtesy sake, but with age comes maturity, and now I have the guts to stand up for myself, and I am happy with my decision. I have always put others needs before mine throughout my life, and for once I am trying to please myself before trying to please others.
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Yes to answer your question they were "rude". That's all I'm saying about that
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Have you ever had to cut yourself off from a horrible family member? Care to share? I am dealing with this now and it is hard.
Yes I have. It was a hard choice but the right one.
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id like to cut those family members out and send them on a trip to visit gators jk. I'd just lock them out of the house and see how they react
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If they do not like you, avoid them!
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I do know the feeling. You are stuck with being a relative of members of the family that you can't stand. I just keep away from them.