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Discussion Boards => Off-Topic => Topic started by: cateyes1 on August 22, 2016, 05:12:42 am
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How do you cope if they ignore you :(
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I'm an adult kid and my oldest child has recently turned 18. She moved out and has begun her life. I'm blessed with a lesson from my own mother. She is there for me. She lets me know it. And she keeps her distance without having to let me know it. We don't have a close relationship (My choice) I see the same developing between my oldest daughter and myself. And I tell her I'm there for you. And I pray she knows it. There is no need to cope... I knew the day was coming she would grow up. Live. And our relationship would change based on that.
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I'm an adult kid and my oldest child has recently turned 18. She moved out and has begun her life. I'm blessed with a lesson from my own mother. She is there for me. She lets me know it. And she keeps her distance without having to let me know it. We don't have a close relationship (My choice) I see the same developing between my oldest daughter and myself. And I tell her I'm there for you. And I pray she knows it. There is no need to cope... I knew the day was coming she would grow up. Live. And our relationship would change based on that.
Maybe I just never grew up lol, I stayed close to my parents and I know many who have. Maybe it's the generation ? thanks
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I am not trying to come off as rude but instead of asking about this topic on here why don't you just ask your children? I hate how people blame generations as I always say it is as much as you give out. If my children were to ignore me & trust me they do from time to time as they are teenagers. I go to them, I talk to them even if they decide not to talk back. I let them know how it is effecting me & if I can do anything to make our relationship stronger. You cannot blame this generation as WE the parents are who raised this generation!
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I am not trying to come off as rude but instead of asking about this topic on here why don't you just ask your children? I hate how people blame generations as I always say it is as much as you give out. If my children were to ignore me & trust me they do from time to time as they are teenagers. I go to them, I talk to them even if they decide not to talk back. I let them know how it is effecting me & if I can do anything to make our relationship stronger. You cannot blame this generation as WE the parents are who raised this generation!
Amy I have reached out many times to my 38 year old only to be ignored. I was brought up to respect older people and I brought my kids up to do the same. I thank God that I have been told many times how polite my kids are on the outside and they are very smart and productive with kids of their own. I have seen and heard many in my kids generation be so disrespectful to others that I don't know what went wrong in their family lives. All I know is mine for one reason or another could care less about me and I wrack my brain on where I went wrong. BELIEVE I have tried!!
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I hope you find peace with your child. If it was me (speaking of what I would do) write a letter to your child since the child obviously doesn't live with you. Pour your heart out as to how you are confused as to why the distance between you two & ask if there is something you did or can do to repair the relationship that you once had. There could be a million possibilities as to why your child is ignoring you & nothing to do with the way the generation is. Maybe something is going on that they are trying to deal with, ect. Use your mothers love, we have it!
I remember when my oldest child became a teenager (years back) someone gave me the best advice that I will always remember, do not take everything they do so personal. Half the time our kids have no clue that they are hurting us or no clue that we feel a certain way. I always keep that in mind when I talk to my kids when they are mad or ignoring me or just being little butts! I will be hoping for the best for you! It will get better. Kids just like adults at any age need time if something is going on.
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I hope you find peace with your child. If it was me (speaking of what I would do) write a letter to your child since the child obviously doesn't live with you. Pour your heart out as to how you are confused as to why the distance between you two & ask if there is something you did or can do to repair the relationship that you once had. There could be a million possibilities as to why your child is ignoring you & nothing to do with the way the generation is. Maybe something is going on that they are trying to deal with, ect. Use your mothers love, we have it!
I remember when my oldest child became a teenager (years back) someone gave me the best advice that I will always remember, do not take everything they do so personal. Half the time our kids have no clue that they are hurting us or no clue that we feel a certain way. I always keep that in mind when I talk to my kids when they are mad or ignoring me or just being little butts! I will be hoping for the best for you! It will get better. Kids just like adults at any age need time if something is going on.
Amy I have called and written and apologized many many times, it's going on 3 years now. I emailed her many times as well just to say that I love her and I heard that she laughed at that. I have a good idea why she's not talking to me. Thanks again I will remember your advice but as far as ANYTHING I write and even leave messages on her phone all falls on deaf ears. I'm just going to give her her space and hope for the best, I just hope it will be before I die anyways.
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Well...you know how they are: They grow up and fly away (Leave the nest).
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Well...you know how they are: They grow up and fly away (Leave the nest).
I know that but I stayed close to my parents. I know many who have as well. BUT recently I found this forum site about this subject and I am so surprised at how many parents are neglected by their adult kids. I don't feel so alone anymore, I thought it was just me.
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I was just trying to help as you posted it here. I never meant to insinuate you didn't write her. Regardless of how you took my messages I hope for the best between any parent & child.
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I was just trying to help as you posted it here. I never meant to insinuate you didn't write her. Regardless of how you took my messages I hope for the best between any parent & child.
Thanks Amy and you did help and I appreciate that....hugs !!
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Sometimes its takes our kids a long time to grow up.
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Sometimes its takes our kids a long time to grow up.
lol aint that the truth...I hope in MY life time anyways ugh
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I know it hurts, but sometimes time works wonders. My one friend has a daughter who did not talk to her for years. My friend went through a major health crisis and her daughter ignored her through it all. My friend was crushed at the daughters feeling so just finally gave up (after years of calling, texting, writing). A few more years went by, but now they are close again. I hope the same works for you and in time and she will realize the mistakes she made and come to you. My heart hurts for you and I will pray for you.
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I know it hurts, but sometimes time works wonders. My one friend has a daughter who did not talk to her for years. My friend went through a major health crisis and her daughter ignored her through it all. My friend was crushed at the daughters feeling so just finally gave up (after years of calling, texting, writing). A few more years went by, but now they are close again. I hope the same works for you and in time and she will realize the mistakes she made and come to you. My heart hurts for you and I will pray for you.
Thank you Nancy, there IS hope after reading about your friend. I pray they stay close and that one day that will be me and my daughter :) ....hugs !
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Kids have to mature at their own rate. I matured very late in life yet I still fill like a kid inside. :)
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Kids have to mature at their own rate. I matured very late in life yet I still fill like a kid inside. :)
I'm a Toys R us kid myself :)....my daughter is 38 though when is it going to happen lol
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Fortunately, I haven't had to experience that. My daughter and I are best friends.
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Fortunately, I haven't had to experience that. My daughter and I are best friends.
I am truly happy for you I hope it stays that way !!.....we use to be close BUT.........
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Oh I stay on a roller coaster with my two adult children especially the youngest one. I tried to get him to take his time before moving out but he and his girlfriend were in a rush, now just a few months later they are out of work and moving in here. I just take each day as it comes. Things are somewhat better or improved with oldest son. I guess I just go through it all the best I can.
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Oh I stay on a roller coaster with my two adult children especially the youngest one. I tried to get him to take his time before moving out but he and his girlfriend were in a rush, now just a few months later they are out of work and moving in here. I just take each day as it comes. Things are somewhat better or improved with oldest son. I guess I just go through it all the best I can.
Hi Deb I hear ya and that's all we can do I suppose. I'm just going to take it 1 day at a time too...ugh KIDS lol
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I am not trying to come off as rude but instead of asking about this topic on here why don't you just ask your children? I hate how people blame generations as I always say it is as much as you give out. If my children were to ignore me & trust me they do from time to time as they are teenagers. I go to them, I talk to them even if they decide not to talk back. I let them know how it is effecting me & if I can do anything to make our relationship stronger. You cannot blame this generation as WE the parents are who raised this generation!
Amy I have reached out many times to my 38 year old only to be ignored. I was brought up to respect older people and I brought my kids up to do the same. I thank God that I have been told many times how polite my kids are on the outside and they are very smart and productive with kids of their own. I have seen and heard many in my kids generation be so disrespectful to others that I don't know what went wrong in their family lives. All I know is mine for one reason or another could care less about me and I wrack my brain on where I went wrong. BELIEVE I have tried!!
i completly understand what you are going thru, i even went to a therapist trying to figure out what i did wrong but my adult daughter laughed in my face when i asked her to go with me. she told me it wasnt her problem that i did not know what was wrong with ME!! what!! my psychtherapist said there is a generation of adult children that is acting this way.
my adult son who is the oldest. i have no problems with him. hang in there and keep trying,do not give up. the only thing i an do for my ddaughter is keep her children, my grandchildren, whom i love. so at least theres that.
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I am not trying to come off as rude but instead of asking about this topic on here why don't you just ask your children? I hate how people blame generations as I always say it is as much as you give out. If my children were to ignore me & trust me they do from time to time as they are teenagers. I go to them, I talk to them even if they decide not to talk back. I let them know how it is effecting me & if I can do anything to make our relationship stronger. You cannot blame this generation as WE the parents are who raised this generation!
Amy I have reached out many times to my 38 year old only to be ignored. I was brought up to respect older people and I brought my kids up to do the same. I thank God that I have been told many times how polite my kids are on the outside and they are very smart and productive with kids of their own. I have seen and heard many in my kids generation be so disrespectful to others that I don't know what went wrong in their family lives. All I know is mine for one reason or another could care less about me and I wrack my brain on where I went wrong. BELIEVE I have tried!!
i completly understand what you are going thru, i even went to a therapist trying to figure out what i did wrong but my adult daughter laughed in my face when i asked her to go with me. she told me it wasnt her problem that i did not know what was wrong with ME!! what!! my psychtherapist said there is a generation of adult children that is acting this way.
my adult son who is the oldest. i have no problems with him. hang in there and keep trying,do not give up. the only thing i an do for my ddaughter is keep her children, my grandchildren, whom i love. so at least theres that.
Moonangel FINALLY someone who gets me lol. After hearing from my son that my daughter only laughed at me when I sent her "I love you" well that was the iceing on the cake and I walked away altogether. She knows my number and where we live the ball is in her court now. The only thing now that bothers me is she and her husband speak bad of me in front of the kids and now they want nothing to do with me :(.....thank you so much for getting me and i'm so sorry that you are going through this as well. I do believe it is the generation, I have seen many many rude adult kids lately and its sad that they are our future.....hugs!
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stop trying to fix it just ignore her for awhile it's very hard to do but sometimes they need their space and kids today are different bc they all have jobs (i did too) and children to run with every direction
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those are the hardest to deal with, because of independence they can do what they want, most of the time these kind of people use the adult side to work their problems out, but sometimes youll run into one of those you know whats?
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stop trying to fix it just ignore her for awhile it's very hard to do but sometimes they need their space and kids today are different bc they all have jobs (i did too) and children to run with every direction
My family told me to do that exact thing (ignore her) I'm tired of giving her the power to keep shooting me down every time I try to reach out....thanks
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Just pray for them....say sorry if i've done something wrong....send notes of love?
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It all depends on how they were raised, not the generation. Our six kids and their kids are all close and we get together often to keep it that way, no matter how far away they are.
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It all depends on how they were raised, not the generation. Our six kids and their kids are all close and we get together often to keep it that way, no matter how far away they are.
Oldbuddy i'd have to disagree with you on that. My family, even now, are really close and my kids were raised with a lot of love. The love of when we see one another its a hug and I love you. It is like my daughter missed that memo. I just don't get it :(
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If I were in your shoes (and it's always easier to say than do) I would find something else to focus on. The ignore method taken to a 2nd degree. Move on. Find other things to do and keep you busy. Not all relationships are going to be the same.. What you had with your parents was yours. So the relationship you have with your daughter will (and should) be different. For whatever reason she isn't interested in staying in touch. That's her choice. Accept it (which it seems you have) Accept the hurt that comes with it (Which is seems you have) Ultimately there is one person you need to answer to. So if you know you've done what you could to open your arms and communicate...accept it. The situation is only temporary.
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I am happy to said, my adult kids are always around. They never ignore us and they always ask for advice (when needed). I raised them to always stand on their own two feet, but sometimes they still need our help. I thank God everyday for them and watch them raise their own kids to do the same. I am so happy we are close and that's the way it is suppose to be. Pray for your children always.
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If I were in your shoes (and it's always easier to say than do) I would find something else to focus on. The ignore method taken to a 2nd degree. Move on. Find other things to do and keep you busy. Not all relationships are going to be the same.. What you had with your parents was yours. So the relationship you have with your daughter will (and should) be different. For whatever reason she isn't interested in staying in touch. That's her choice. Accept it (which it seems you have) Accept the hurt that comes with it (Which is seems you have) Ultimately there is one person you need to answer to. So if you know you've done what you could to open your arms and communicate...accept it. The situation is only temporary.
Thank you, it has been since Aug17th is when I last reached out to her. This has been going on now for close to 3 years, she is so stubborn so I don't see an end to this in my life time. People who know me all say that it's her loss.....i'm DONE !!....you are so right on Sak4Kat
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Our relationship has changed I make time for my adult kids and we see each other 2x a month.