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Discussion Boards => Off-Topic => Topic started by: debidoo on November 17, 2018, 08:36:49 am
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I got a very small inheritance in 2010 and used most of it to pay off my mom's mortgage as she had passed & although the house was in disrepair I figured I could fix it up with the little I had left. Before I knew it people came out of the woodwork asking for money and soon it was all gone and the house was in really bad shape. So this past year I sold the house and again people are asking for money. Worse is my mom's pastor who has kids who make more in a week than I do in a month. I am not giving out any this time. I am going to try and hang on to some for a rainy day (MY potential rainy day) and do some things that make me happy. Does that make me selfish?
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only my brother who I haven't talked to 6 years. anyone else I just tell sorry I don't have enough for myself. my brother hounded my mom for years with sob stories till she passed away. Then he was up the river with no paddle. I have money for myself to live on and no one will get any of it till I'm gone. My brother won't get any of it at all,,,, I blame him for my mom being gone. She just couldn't handle him any longer.
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Nope, I don't think you're selfish at all. You need to be able to take care of yourself. That is actually, to my thinking, being unselfish so you don't have to burden others to take care of you later. I'd try to invest some so it can earn, also.
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I got a very small inheritance in 2010 and used most of it to pay off my mom's mortgage as she had passed & although the house was in disrepair I figured I could fix it up with the little I had left. Before I knew it people came out of the woodwork asking for money and soon it was all gone and the house was in really bad shape. So this past year I sold the house and again people are asking for money. Worse is my mom's pastor who has kids who make more in a week than I do in a month. I am not giving out any this time. I am going to try and hang on to some for a rainy day (MY potential rainy day) and do some things that make me happy. Does that make me selfish?
lol. I won a sweepstakes. Not a lot but enough to help me. I told a great aunt and I swear her first response (and she didn't even know how much I won) was can I borrow some money.
I was mad and offended. We are not even close. I was appalled that she said that to me.
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My step son was the worlds worse in getting his great aunt to give him money. I swear he used every trick in the world getting money from her, even to the point of using her credit card number with his name on it to see a lawyer about getting her declared imcompent so he could get everything from her. We had to put her in a nursing home after she broke her hip. Then start getting all of her finances in order when we found out what he doing. Hubby closed 0ut her credit cards right away. put the one for the lawyer in as fraud. But a lot of damage had been done already. It was a mess. But we got it all cleared up. Now he want even contact his father. Guess he just thought his father would let it go. Not.i
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I have someone that owes me a bunch of money. Now they are making good money and bragging about the things they are buying and what they are doing, but no mention about paying me back.
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I don't think so...it's why I don't talk about $ with anyone because I know how people are and I have seen family get so caught in messes because of similar issues to what you mentioned...
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dancer139 that is exactly what happened in my family only a brother and sister. And as soon as they got their share I haven't seen either one of them since 2010. They shouldn't have really even gotten anything seeing as they got so much when my mom was alive. That is why her dream house was in such bad disrepair she couldn't spend money on the house for taking care of them. Oh well everyone can forget it now and "sink or swim"
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I got a very small inheritance in 2010 and used most of it to pay off my mom's mortgage as she had passed & although the house was in disrepair I figured I could fix it up with the little I had left. Before I knew it people came out of the woodwork asking for money and soon it was all gone and the house was in really bad shape. So this past year I sold the house and again people are asking for money. Worse is my mom's pastor who has kids who make more in a week than I do in a month. I am not giving out any this time. I am going to try and hang on to some for a rainy day (MY potential rainy day) and do some things that make me happy. Does that make me selfish?
Hello! :D :)
No that does not make you selfish at all, you need to take care of yourself before you can take care of others. No, I don't resent anyone, however, I do question why you feel that I owe you anything without offering me anything. :heart: :rose: :heart: :rose: :heart: :rose: :heart: :rose: :heart: :rose: :heart: :rose: :heart: :rose: :heart: :rose: :heart: :rose: :heart: :rose: :heart: :rose: :heart: :rose: :heart: :rose: :heart: :rose: :heart: :rose: :heart: :rose: :heart: :rose:
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Money...too much or too little... can cause problems even in the most loving relationships. I believe in helping those less fortunate than I, but your own welfare is also important.
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At this point in my life I am not able to financially help anyone, when I was it bothered me when people ask for money one month and then I see where they have went on vacation or bought some other unnecessary thing.
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At this point in my life I am not able to financially help anyone, when I was it bothered me when people ask for money one month and then I see where they have went on vacation or bought some other unnecessary thing.
Back when I was doing Facebook I had a friend who would constantly be posting how she was broke and didn't have any money and if anybody had this or that they could give her.....
Then the weekend they are posting pictures of their big steak dinner and how they are eating out. Wait, 2 days ago you were asking for a phone and food and clothes and whatever on FB but you can drop $30 to eat at Red Lobster? Really???
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I had a roommate years ago who came into a pretty nice inheritance. Basically, it was a rags to riches experience.
I'll never forget what I was told by my former roommate: "I was happier when I was broke."
There was never any shortage of so-called-friends who had no problem helping to spend the money.
That turned me off back then, it turns me off now and for the very reason, I very seldom, if ever give money away. My husband and I do a lot of things to help people but giving away handouts is not one of them.
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Your money is your money!
Why some people are so mean ?
Asking for money all the time.
I worked very hard for my money...
putting long hours of hard work!
In emergencies, I give small amounts of
my money to very needy people.
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There is more happiness in giving then receiving.....but discernment must used.
I think you can tell after awhile who is a user or a free-loader.The bible does say if you dont work you dont eat.Again use discerment cos some are poor from them not wanting to be.Everyone isnt out to scam.
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If I have extra and I always share it to my 83 years old mother. I always send her money almost every month. I just wanted her to enjoy life .
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I would not find you selfish at all. You did share now it's your time to enjoy !!
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I can't imagine asking someone else for money. No one has asked me and I am sure I would say no - because I don't have any extra! :P
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No, I don't resent them, I just ignore them.
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No, I don't think you are selfish, you gave once before and Iam sure it is the same people asking for money this time too. It is alright to help people, but don't forget to same for your rainy day.
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Yes it annoys me when someone constantly asks for money, but I also understand that people fall on hard times. Like those people that stand by the stop light at an intersection with a cardboard sign. Most of the time those people just want money for drugs.
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I have no problem with helping out a friend or family member, even on a regular basis, if I know they really need it.
What I don't take kindly to is people who never talk to you except when they want something. If you intend to try to use me as an ATM you could at least establish a little good will by saying "hi how are you" once in a while without strings attached.
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I have no problem with helping out a friend or family member, even on a regular basis, if I know they really need it.
What I don't take kindly to is people who never talk to you except when they want something. If you intend to try to use me as an ATM you could at least establish a little good will by saying "hi how are you" once in a while without strings attached.
Exactly.
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Nobody has ever asked me for money. They know I don't have any to give. Haha!
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nobody asks me for money, as I am quite poor.
:rose:
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Nope. It doesn't make you selfish at all. You've given and helped others. Generosity doesn't mean leaving yourself with nothing.
You can tell who your real friends are the times when you do have more money and none of them expects you to go beyond your means. That's true understanding and friendship.
You sound like a good person. You have every right to take care of yourself too.
Just my 2 cents. Happy Thanksgiving, if you celebrate it. :)
I got a very small inheritance in 2010 and used most of it to pay off my mom's mortgage as she had passed & although the house was in disrepair I figured I could fix it up with the little I had left. Before I knew it people came out of the woodwork asking for money and soon it was all gone and the house was in really bad shape. So this past year I sold the house and again people are asking for money. Worse is my mom's pastor who has kids who make more in a week than I do in a month. I am not giving out any this time. I am going to try and hang on to some for a rainy day (MY potential rainy day) and do some things that make me happy. Does that make me selfish?
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When people ask me for money, I will tell them that Walmart is hiring or some place that I heard of is hiring. I do this because anyother time I am invisible, so keep me invisible.
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I do not think that this makes you selfish in the least. We live in a land of opportunity. Everyone has a chance to support themselves. People that are disabled to the point of not being able to work have many programs that provide all that they need. You need to take care of yourself first so that you can help others when you are living a more abundant lifestyle. I commit a percentage of my time and money to charity but never to the detriment of my family's needs. I live a frugal, pauper's lifestyle. People that see me on the street generally think that I am worse off than they are because I am in torn shorts, tennis shoes with holes in them, tattered shorts and unkept hair. I never carry cash because it is always in accounts working for me. I do not brag about my balances but will always share methods of making cash.
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No. If you know you’re doing what is best for you, you’re also doing what is best for those you care about.
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I got a very small inheritance in 2010 and used most of it to pay off my mom's mortgage as she had passed & although the house was in disrepair I figured I could fix it up with the little I had left. Before I knew it people came out of the woodwork asking for money and soon it was all gone and the house was in really bad shape. So this past year I sold the house and again people are asking for money. Worse is my mom's pastor who has kids who make more in a week than I do in a month. I am not giving out any this time. I am going to try and hang on to some for a rainy day (MY potential rainy day) and do some things that make me happy. Does that make me selfish?
I certainly don't think it makes you selfish. You have to take care of you, especially if you look around and know there is no one else who would do it in a pinch. In my view, you are being wise. People can take advantage. I guess one of my pet-peeves are people who will hint about the money they need and situation they are in but you know they are not trying, but just blowing the income they do have. I guess continuous unwise choices and decisions drive me crazy. prioritizing
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I have one family member who ONLY contacts me when she wants something. For example, she recently sent me a list of things her kids want for Christmas. She never calls or drops me a card or anything in the way of thinking of me with her own heart. That I find very irritating. I wouldn't mind her asking for stuff if she showed an ounce of caring back, but she never does.
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I must be fortunate because I've never had anyone ask me for money. Except the kids when they were growing up!
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I have a resentment for family members who start acting funny towards me once I cut off them using me. Most recently is my sister, which really hurts. I won't be used just to have people in my life; I'm fine being on my own.
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Don't let anyone use you. Only lend what you can afford to not get back. When it becomes clear certain people only talk to you when they are in need then it's time for you to make it clear that you won't be their bank. Easier said than done but do-able and necessary.
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I wouldn't say resent, but I think people who ask for money should consider the circumstances of the person they are wanting the money from, everybody aren't well off, they are just barely making ends meet, they want it when they want it, and get upset with you when you tell them no, you just don't have any to spare.
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I got a very small inheritance in 2010 and used most of it to pay off my mom's mortgage as she had passed & although the house was in disrepair I figured I could fix it up with the little I had left. Before I knew it people came out of the woodwork asking for money and soon it was all gone and the house was in really bad shape. So this past year I sold the house and again people are asking for money. Worse is my mom's pastor who has kids who make more in a week than I do in a month. I am not giving out any this time. I am going to try and hang on to some for a rainy day (MY potential rainy day) and do some things that make me happy. Does that make me selfish?
No, it doesn't make you selfish. You need to protect yourself for the future and look out for yourself. When my mom died, her insurance policy paid. No one knew except my husband that I had gotten this insurance money and it lasted almost 10 years. it was some kind of policy like an IRA. I couldn't get the full amount but I didn't care. If I would've been smart, I would have opened an account that would pay interest but I didn't think at the time.
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I hate those people. I have people who talk to me twice a year, one of the times is to ask for a $20K loan. Firstly, I don't have $20K. And secondly, if I did, they wouldn't be getting it. Everybody wants something for nothing. You just have to be firm and explain to these deadbeats that you're not an ATM. And I am HARDLY rich. I live paycheck to paycheck like everyone else, but I don't go around asking people for money because I want a new big screen tv or some other luxury item.
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I got a very small inheritance in 2010 and used most of it to pay off my mom's mortgage as she had passed & although the house was in disrepair I figured I could fix it up with the little I had left. Before I knew it people came out of the woodwork asking for money and soon it was all gone and the house was in really bad shape. So this past year I sold the house and again people are asking for money. Worse is my mom's pastor who has kids who make more in a week than I do in a month. I am not giving out any this time. I am going to try and hang on to some for a rainy day (MY potential rainy day) and do some things that make me happy. Does that make me selfish?
Hello! :D :)
Exactly! We as women get so used to taking care of everyone else that we forget our own self care. That needs to change.
No that does not make you selfish at all, you need to take care of yourself before you can take care of others. No, I don't resent anyone, however, I do question why you feel that I owe you anything without offering me anything. :heart: :rose: :heart: :rose: :heart: :rose: :heart: :rose: :heart: :rose: :heart: :rose: :heart: :rose: :heart: :rose: :heart: :rose: :heart: :rose: :heart: :rose: :heart: :rose: :heart: :rose: :heart: :rose: :heart: :rose: :heart: :rose: :heart: :rose:
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You are not selfish,you know how to budget your OWN money.
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That's very humble and I'm sure/I hope she appreciates it.
If I have extra and I always share it to my 83 years old mother. I always send her money almost every month. I just wanted her to enjoy life .
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That's terrible but karma eventually reaches everyone.
dancer139 that is exactly what happened in my family only a brother and sister. And as soon as they got their share I haven't seen either one of them since 2010. They shouldn't have really even gotten anything seeing as they got so much when my mom was alive. That is why her dream house was in such bad disrepair she couldn't spend money on the house for taking care of them. Oh well everyone can forget it now and "sink or swim"
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Money ruins more relationships than anything... I spent many years assisting a family member financially. When I stopped, the rest of my family stopped talking to me. seriously. It's been almost 4 years now and they pretend like I don't even exist.
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I had to use my small one to fix the house was really hard to keep it a secret.
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Yes, I do. It is one thing to ask for money when you have genuinely exhausted all possible avenues. But knowingly and deliberately failing to do your due diligence in earning your own money and essentially panhandling for a hand out is absolutely atrocious...and aggravating to me.
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I have never been paid a cent of what i loaned out. what i'm amazed is thet act like you owe them.