FC Community
Discussion Boards => Off-Topic => Topic started by: cateyes1 on June 21, 2019, 09:22:47 am
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"A young man with his pants hanging half off his rear, two gold front teeth, and a half inch thick gold chain around his neck, walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.
He marched up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job. I don't like taking advantage of the system, getting something for nothing."
The social worker behind the counter said "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his 2018 Mercedes-Benz GT, and he will supply all of your clothes."
"Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward to say, but you will also have, as part of your job, the assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive."
The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, "You're bull-shittin' me!"
The social worker said, "Yeah, well . . . You started it . . . . “
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Lol awesome !! I love it 🤪
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LOL Pretty good one, and she should of added, now go pull up your dang pants!
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So true! I've known many people like that.
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Good story and funny as well. Thanks for sharing.
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Lol. I did not see that ending coming. That was a good joke to start off the week. I like when people post jokes on here because it can make a persons day go from being bad to being good.
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LOL that was a good one
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It wouldn't surprise me if that was based on a true story...
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Good one. I love to read the chuckles.
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Very hilarious, indeed! After the day I've had thus far, I needed the random laughter! Thank you for sharing.
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Good one.
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:cat:
Q. How much room is needed for fungi to grow?
A. As mushroom as possible
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A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"
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Earl and Bubba are quietly sitting in a boat fishing, chewing tobacco and drinking beer when suddenly Bubba says, "Think I'm gonna divorce the wife... she ain't spoke to me in over 2 months." Earl spits overboard, takes a long, slow sip of beer and says, "Better think it over... women like that are hard to find." #joke #beer
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A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of *bleep* are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s *bleep* are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of male members are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his *bleep* is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the *bleep* are just for decoration.”
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As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
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It won't let me use the words in the joke to represent woman's chest and men's organ, keeps putting Bleep in sorry I hope the joke is still understandable - no freedom of speech here!
Bleep 1 = *bleep*
Bleep 2 = *bleep*
Bleep 3 = ball
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I enjoyed your 6/21-19 Chuckle at the welfare office. I also agree with catchow who said "pull up your pants" should be added. I dislike both the misuse of welfare and men with their pants hanging under their butt cheeks.
I also enjoyed your chuckles for today, 7-2-19. I did understand the joke with the "bleeps"! Made me laugh, both at the joke and at the bleeps.
Thanks for sharing.
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cateyes1 liked your joke. Gave me a chuckle. :)
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Good chuckles. It really hurts most men to talk about their manhood - very funny and a good comeback. Guys should pull their pants up because noone wants to know the color, size or brand.