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Discussion Boards => Off-Topic => Topic started by: cateyes1 on August 07, 2021, 04:59:43 am
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My Granddaughter asked me why her Mom & Dad broke up. I asked her what did her Mom tell her, she of course blamed it all on my son for the breakup but that is sooooo not true. Her Mom was the reason why they are no longer together. SO question. How old should a child be to be told such a thing. She tried to get it out of me but she is only 9 years old so I told her that she is to little right now hear why. She got upset with me but 9 to me is to young, what do you all think please? :-X
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You need to be careful so what ever you say does not make her upset with you. I have been divorced for 27 and I still till the kids there daddy is a nice man. Or if they are real upset that that daddy is just daddy and he will not change.
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I was 11 years old when my parents divorced and that was the best father's decision for me. I didn't understand thereat that my mother was addicted to antidepressants and needed professional help, but I remember the day when she was completely out of her mind and started yelling at me for the spilled juice on the table, and then she rushed at me with her fists, because it seemed to her that I wasn't sorry enough for this mistake. I hardly remember what happened next, but when I was packing my things to move with my dad to his parents' house, I heard her screaming at him, breaking the dishes and threatening that he would never see me again.
After 5 years and two rehabilitation of my mother, I was able to forgive her and now we are on good terms, partly thanks to my dad, who practically insisted that I should see her, that this could help bring back the mother I remember before tablets.
If he began to turn me against her, then I'm sure that this childish fear and resentment against my mother would ruin my life for a more long time.
Talk to your granddaughter's mother. If she doesn't want to steal her daughter's childhood and spoil her relationship with her father (any psychologist will prove to her that this is very important for girls), then it would be right to adhere to the general version of the reason for the divorce of the girl's parents - people develop in different ways, grow, change and one more they aren't good together. Therefore, people make a difficult and painful decision for both - to divorce. But this doesn't change the fact that she is their daughter and they love her.
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I'm just going to arbitrarily say that a prepubescent age is too young. Maybe wait till she is like 13 or something to tell her. She is still at this age where what you tell her could impact her so much, it could have a lasting affect on her for years to come.
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I was 11 years old when my parents divorced and that was the best father's decision for me. I didn't understand thereat that my mother was addicted to antidepressants and needed professional help, but I remember the day when she was completely out of her mind and started yelling at me for the spilled juice on the table, and then she rushed at me with her fists, because it seemed to her that I wasn't sorry enough for this mistake. I hardly remember what happened next, but when I was packing my things to move with my dad to his parents' house, I heard her screaming at him, breaking the dishes and threatening that he would never see me again.
After 5 years and two rehabilitation of my mother, I was able to forgive her and now we are on good terms, partly thanks to my dad, who practically insisted that I should see her, that this could help bring back the mother I remember before tablets.
If he began to turn me against her, then I'm sure that this childish fear and resentment against my mother would ruin my life for a more long time.
Talk to your granddaughter's mother. If she doesn't want to steal her daughter's childhood and spoil her relationship with her father (any psychologist will prove to her that this is very important for girls), then it would be right to adhere to the general version of the reason for the divorce of the girl's parents - people develop in different ways, grow, change and one more they aren't good together. Therefore, people make a difficult and painful decision for both - to divorce. But this doesn't change the fact that she is their daughter and they love her.
I am so sorry that you had to deal with all that when you were little :(....I did end our conversation with, "no matter who was to blame, to know that BOTH mom & Dad love you very much and they are glad they have you in their life.".....it is just bothering me that her mom is putting all the blame on my son. I so wanted to blurt it all out but I need to remember I am dealing with a little mind that is just curious.
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I'm just going to arbitrarily say that a prepubescent age is too young. Maybe wait till she is like 13 or something to tell her. She is still at this age where what you tell her could impact her so much, it could have a lasting affect on her for years to come.
I so agree with you Steve. I did tell her though that what her mom told he wasn't true, and left it at that
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I would be very careful what I say. When there is a divorce I always think there is her side, there is his side and somewhere in the middle is the truth. Unless one is a gambler, addict to drugs/alcohol or abusive, you still want her to have a relationship with both parents. I know he’s your son, but try not to get in the middle, she’s so young all she has to know now is mommy and daddy aren’t going to live together, but they still both love you. Good luck, you have a rough road ahead of you.
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Thats a hard one, maybe you should tell her to talk to her father and he can explain it to her.
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I think you did the right thing. Nine is very young to understand the reason for the brake up. Plus the explanation needs to come from your son and she needs to be reassured that she is in no way the cause. :rainbow: :rose: :peace: :wave:
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Sorry for the family troubles. I hope it smooths out. For us all, life can make us grow-up fast or it can break us.
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Thank you all so much for your input on this matter !!
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So sorry for your family troubles, pray
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Thanks for this!
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https://wol.jw.org/en/wol/d/r1/lp-e/101991282
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You were right to not say anything. She is to young to know more, she probably knows a lot more than you all realize anyway. The thing is no matter how you feel to not talk either one of them down. They are still her parents.
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dont think 9 is to young maybe tell her a few things not all. my cousins parents broke up when he was 14 took it real bad.
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I agree with the consensus of opinion. It's not your place to tell and it could only bring harm to you both. :-X Boy, life is hard, isn't it? :sweat: :confused1:
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Yes I think she is too young to know anything right now. In my opinion 13,14, should be a good age to tell her because at that age they should have a good understanding as to why. I think the parents should be the one to tell her.
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https://wol.jw.org/en/wol/d/r1/lp-e/101991282
They were never married Donna but thank you for the link, it was interesting to read !
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https://wol.jw.org/en/wol/d/r1/lp-e/101991282
They were never married Donna but thank you for the link, it was interesting to read !
You are welcome Cat.
If there is anything helpful in it you can use for the situation i hope it helps.
My spouse and i have a son that had 2 kids out of wedlock.They are grown up now.One is 20 the other 21.My son was not a good dad.I wont go into detail.We were good grand parents to them.
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https://wol.jw.org/en/wol/d/r1/lp-e/101991282
They were never married Donna but thank you for the link, it was interesting to read !
You are welcome Cat.
If there is anything helpful in it you can use for the situation i hope it helps.
My spouse and i have a son that had 2 kids out of wedlock.They are grown up now.One is 20 the other 21.My son was not a good dad.I wont go into detail.We were good grand parents to them.
Donna i'm sorry to hear that. They are lucky to have you guys as grandparents though. Thanks again for the link. My son tries his best to be in his daughters life and is for the most part. But there are some hiccups along the way on the mothers end. I know that it's not my place to say anything, but if the mother continues to put it all on my son I will say something. So far so good though, its just that 1 time that I know about...hugs to you Donna for being there for them.
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https://wol.jw.org/en/wol/d/r1/lp-e/101991282
They were never married Donna but thank you for the link, it was interesting to read !
You are welcome Cat.
If there is anything helpful in it you can use for the situation i hope it helps.
My spouse and i have a son that had 2 kids out of wedlock.They are grown up now.One is 20 the other 21.My son was not a good dad.I wont go into detail.We were good grand parents to them.
Donna i'm sorry to hear that. They are lucky to have you guys as grandparents though. Thanks again for the link. My son tries his best to be in his daughters life and is for the most part. But there are some hiccups along the way on the mothers end. I know that it's not my place to say anything, but if the mother continues to put it all on my son I will say something. So far so good though, its just that 1 time that I know about...hugs to you Donna for being there for them.
I appreciate your support Cat.
Actually now that the kids have gotten older they wanna be more independent with their lives.I guess i can relate cos i was 20 once.
I think also their mom dislikes our son and she sees we have supported him,in some ways has taken it out on us seeing the kids or you never know behind doors whats been said.
We know the truth and you can only hope the kids will not get brainwashed.
Hopefully the same pertains to your son as well.
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https://wol.jw.org/en/wol/d/r1/lp-e/101991282
They were never married Donna but thank you for the link, it was interesting to read !
You are welcome Cat.
If there is anything helpful in it you can use for the situation i hope it helps.
My spouse and i have a son that had 2 kids out of wedlock.They are grown up now.One is 20 the other 21.My son was not a good dad.I wont go into detail.We were good grand parents to them.
Donna i'm sorry to hear that. They are lucky to have you guys as grandparents though. Thanks again for the link. My son tries his best to be in his daughters life and is for the most part. But there are some hiccups along the way on the mothers end. I know that it's not my place to say anything, but if the mother continues to put it all on my son I will say something. So far so good though, its just that 1 time that I know about...hugs to you Donna for being there for them.
I appreciate your support Cat.
Actually now that the kids have gotten older they wanna be more independent with their lives.I guess i can relate cos i was 20 once.
I think also their mom dislikes our son and she sees we have supported him,in some ways has taken it out on us seeing the kids or you never know behind doors whats been said.
We know the truth and you can only hope the kids will not get brainwashed.
Hopefully the same pertains to your son as well.
Any time Donna, i'm here for you if you ever need to chat/vent i'm a good listener. My granddaughters Mom and I had it out a few years back and she seen how I can get. She even told me after things cooled down to remind her to never get on my bad side again ha ha. So long as you know the truth about your son try not to let her get to you. I know easier said then done but when my sons gal knew she couldnt get to me anymore it wasnt fun for her (if that makes sense) if you can find any of my post from a couple years back you will see what she tried to put me through. That is why I want to tell my Granddaughter when she gets old enough the REAL truth on why her parents split. I dont want her brain washed either. I wish there was a way I could privately send you my email. We seem to be in the same boat and could support one another lol. I will keep you and your grand children and son in my prayers and you and your hubby as well...hugs
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Im a firm believer the truth eventually rises to the top.
Im not gonna get into the bible here cos i have put enuff posts up in 2 yrs and i would only be repeating myself,BUT when you get to know the truth and understand it the world is the way it is cos God got challeneged by Satan <which means adversary or resister>that HE didnt have the right to rule his creation and mankind would be better off for it.
Well we see the results of 6000 yrs of mankinds existence.It wasnt a matter if God coulda wiped out Satan and his followers immediately,then it might have looked like Satan had a good point.God let time be taken off the clock to show what any other kind of rule would cause.
So i bring that up in our cases to be kind and not have a harsh word towards our enemies etc.I know its easier said then done cos i have flown off the handle too.But then i remember if they accused Jehovah of that and put Jesus to death i guess i should have some long-suffering too.
Thanx for your post and listening.
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Im a firm believer the truth eventually rises to the top.
Im not gonna get into the bible here cos i have put enuff posts up in 2 yrs and i would only be repeating myself,BUT when you get to know the truth and understand it the world is the way it is cos God got challeneged by Satan <which means adversary or resister>that HE didnt have the right to rule his creation and mankind would be better off for it.
Well we see the results of 6000 yrs of mankinds existence.It wasnt a matter if God coulda wiped out Satan and his followers immediately,then it might have looked like Satan had a good point.God let time be taken off the clock to show what any other kind of rule would cause.
So i bring that up in our cases to be kind and not have a harsh word towards our enemies etc.I know its easier said then done cos i have flown off the handle too.But then i remember if they accused Jehovah of that and put Jesus to death i guess i should have some long-suffering too.
Thanx for your post and listening.
Anytime, I hope you have a healthy happy new year !!
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Im a firm believer the truth eventually rises to the top.
Im not gonna get into the bible here cos i have put enuff posts up in 2 yrs and i would only be repeating myself,BUT when you get to know the truth and understand it the world is the way it is cos God got challeneged by Satan <which means adversary or resister>that HE didnt have the right to rule his creation and mankind would be better off for it.
Well we see the results of 6000 yrs of mankinds existence.It wasnt a matter if God coulda wiped out Satan and his followers immediately,then it might have looked like Satan had a good point.God let time be taken off the clock to show what any other kind of rule would cause.
So i bring that up in our cases to be kind and not have a harsh word towards our enemies etc.I know its easier said then done cos i have flown off the handle too.But then i remember if they accused Jehovah of that and put Jesus to death i guess i should have some long-suffering too.
Thanx for your post and listening.
Anytime, I hope you have a healthy happy new year !!
Thank you.
We could all use it.
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Im a firm believer the truth eventually rises to the top.
Im not gonna get into the bible here cos i have put enuff posts up in 2 yrs and i would only be repeating myself,BUT when you get to know the truth and understand it the world is the way it is cos God got challeneged by Satan <which means adversary or resister>that HE didnt have the right to rule his creation and mankind would be better off for it.
Well we see the results of 6000 yrs of mankinds existence.It wasnt a matter if God coulda wiped out Satan and his followers immediately,then it might have looked like Satan had a good point.God let time be taken off the clock to show what any other kind of rule would cause.
So i bring that up in our cases to be kind and not have a harsh word towards our enemies etc.I know its easier said then done cos i have flown off the handle too.But then i remember if they accused Jehovah of that and put Jesus to death i guess i should have some long-suffering too.
Thanx for your post and listening.
Anytime, I hope you have a healthy happy new year !!
Thank you.
We could all use it.
We all sure can for sure !!
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Ok
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I had a similar situation when my child was 6 years old, we had a difficult divorce. We all went to a psychologist together and she helped us sort out the situation so that the child would suffer the least. Now we are in the same situation, 4 years after that, but the key question has changed: I used the services of WCOB (https://worldcenterofbaby.com/) and my new husband (he has an excellent relationship with my daughter) and I are expecting a child from a surrogate mother. I also don't know how to explain this to a child at 10 years old without the help of a pro ... Any advice?
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When I got a divorce my daughter was a senior in high school so she knew what was going on. I never tried to keep her away from her father.