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Discussion Boards => Off-Topic => Topic started by: ButterflyWings on July 01, 2010, 10:33:01 am
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;D
1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'
. 10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering.
11.Only in America.....Will you go to a restaurant in seaworld and ask for band aids and get mayonnaise
EVER WONDER Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click .."?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff??
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
------------------ In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Frito's:! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.) (Ok, It was supposed to be translated as " to be used for intended use only" basically what it means is don't use your food processor as a wood chipper people. lol)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
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Ha!
;D
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So funny yet unfortunately so true lol.
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i had a great laugh all this :notworthy:
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I thoroughly enjoyed reading this post!! What a good laugh!
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hahahaha!...This was funny, thanks.
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I am so glad you all enjoyed this..Thanks for the comments.. :thumbsup: :peace: :heart: :wave:
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I love it! It just goes to show there still are sane people in America. Great work, Butterfly!!
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I love it! It just goes to show there still are sane people in America. Great work, Butterfly!!
Thanks :)
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Thanks for the laughs!!!! So many are so true!!
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well done :notworthy:
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These were good needed a good laugh today. Thank you!!! lol... :thumbsup: :wave: :peace:
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very funny!!! :thumbsup:
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"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools."
-Douglas Adams
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ha ha...funny! thanks for sharing!
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11.Only in America.....Will you go to a restaurant in seaworld and ask for band aids and get mayonnaise
Maybe I'm reading too much into this, but what are you talking about?
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Thank you for sharing. They are all true, unfortunately.
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11.Only in America.....Will you go to a restaurant in seaworld and ask for band aids and get mayonnaise
Maybe I'm reading too much into this, but what are you talking about?
LMAO it has happened to me I asked for a bandaid at seaworld and got mayonnaise LMAO
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Ah...nothing brightens my day like a list of stupidity! Thanks for the morning giggle....by the way, does anyone know why you can't wear leather in the rain, but cows can stand in it all day?
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this was funny. ;D
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Funny and sad. It's a list that will never end I'm afraid.
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I needed a good laugh - but the sad thing is unfortunately it's true!
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Hysterical, but too true. Great job, Butterfly, I needed the humor. :thumbsup: :peace:
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so funny I had to send a copy to my wife :peace: