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Discussion Boards => Off-Topic => Topic started by: aggie49 on February 11, 2011, 01:10:31 pm

Title: how do you explain to your child that they are a child of rape
Post by: aggie49 on February 11, 2011, 01:10:31 pm: i have a friend that was raped and she has come up to be a bright beautiful girl but she is asking why she doesn't look like her mom or dad which raised her i told my friend to be honest with her she will understand and be proud that you did tell the truth if you got anything to add let me know and i will pass it on :heart: :heart: :star: :star: :wave: :wave:
Title: Re: how do you explain to your child that they are a child of rape
Post by: jmtalboo on February 11, 2011, 05:49:09 pm: I searched around and found this page on the topic that should help.

Rape/Incest & Adopted Child: Issues to Consider if you Tell
http://adoptive-parenting.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/rape-incest-aamp-adopted-child-issues-to
Title: Re: how do you explain to your child that they are a child of rape
Post by: aggie49 on February 11, 2011, 07:02:02 pm: thank you for looking it up i will pass it along to my friend and i know she will appreciate it
Title: Re: how do you explain to your child that they are a child of rape
Post by: BizELady on February 11, 2011, 07:37:57 pm: If this were my circumstance, I would NEVER tell my child. I would wait until the child became an adult - then maybe.
Title: Re: how do you explain to your child that they are a child of rape
Post by: Annella on February 11, 2011, 07:41:27 pm: Keeping a child from rape is commendable to say the least. That in itself should tell the girl that she was loved from the very beginning, no matter how she was conceived.
Title: Re: how do you explain to your child that they are a child of rape
Post by: lynnc35 on February 12, 2011, 04:29:29 am: I would never tell my child this, just that her daddy is around no longer, if you do, you are going to bring about feelings on here, and I guarantee she will feel this way or he, whether they show it or not, they will feel dirty, unwanted, and not planned. they will feel outcast, do not do this to your child, or whosever has a child like this, the bad part needs to be tossed out into the sea, this is a child of God now. The act was be taken out of the picture, and this child should be loved like every one of us.
Title: Re: how do you explain to your child that they are a child of rape
Post by: kay7 on February 12, 2011, 08:12:12 am: Quote from: lynnc35 on February 12, 2011, 04:29:29 am
I would never tell my child this, just that her daddy is around no longer, if you do, you are going to bring about feelings on here, and I guarantee she will feel this way or he, whether they show it or not, they will feel dirty, unwanted, and not planned. they will feel outcast, do not do this to your child, or whosever has a child like this, the bad part needs to be tossed out into the sea, this is a child of God now. The act was be taken out of the picture, and this child should be loved like every one of us.

What a beautiful sentiment and I believe you are right on the money. It's information that could be very damaging to the child and shouldn't be shared. I doubt that you could get by for long just saying that daddy is no longer around because I imagine any child would have questions about why he's not there along with other things but every effort should be made to withhold information about the rape from the child.
Title: Re: how do you explain to your child that they are a child of rape
Post by: mawhite63 on February 12, 2011, 08:34:55 am: They need to be told as an adult. Everyone is entitled to the truth, no matter how difficult it is. To keep information like that from a person as an adult is living a lie, and also extremely unfair. However, I wouldn't tell them as a child. Just that their daddy unfortunately isn't around. It's too much for a child to process.
Title: Re: how do you explain to your child that they are a child of rape
Post by: sommap on February 12, 2011, 08:49:33 am: I agree with Lynn. I would never tell a child. I might tell them when they became an adult.
Title: Re: how do you explain to your child that they are a child of rape
Post by: articx on February 12, 2011, 11:53:52 am: Every child is different meaning not all of them are going to react in the same way. Some may find that truth difficult to deal with, and some may kill themselves or at least think about doing it. Then there are probably kids who will accept the truth, and move on.

Quote from: sommap on February 12, 2011, 08:49:33 am
I agree with Lynn. I would never tell a child. I might tell them when they became an adult.
What if the child somehow finds out, and hates their mother or father for not telling them the truth?
Title: Re: how do you explain to your child that they are a child of rape
Post by: Theladyjoker1817 on February 12, 2011, 02:04:00 pm: I would never tell my child this, just that her daddy is around no longer, if you do, you are going to bring about feelings on here, and I guarantee she will feel this way or he, whether they show it or not, they will feel dirty, unwanted, and not planned. they will feel outcast, do not do this to your child, or whosever has a child like this, the bad part needs to be tossed out into the sea, this is a child of God now. The act was be taken out of the picture, and this child should be loved like every one of us.

What a beautiful sentiment and I believe you are right on the money. It's information that could be very damaging to the child and shouldn't be shared. I doubt that you could get by for long just saying that daddy is no longer around because I imagine any child would have questions about why he's not there along with other things but every effort should be made to withhold information about the rape from the child.

you can't cover a lie with a another lie that makes it worse.. telling the truth is better that way so the kid wont have to look for more information about what happen to them being a parent and tell the truth bout it before you lose them..
Title: Re: how do you explain to your child that they are a child of rape
Post by: footemama on February 12, 2011, 04:30:13 pm: I don't think that I would tell my child that I was raped when they were very young maybe not ever it would depend entirely upon the circumstances that they were asking me.

When they were young I would just tell them that they didn't have a daddy and that not all mommy's need to have daddy's to have a baby. As the got older I would probably tell them that they were conceived by the use of a sperm donor, essentially that is the truth the only difference is that I wouldn't have had a choice in who made the donation. As far as I'm concerned that is EXACTLY how I see the situation. Anyone that conceived as a result of rape conceived by sperm donation.
Title: Re: how do you explain to your child that they are a child of rape
Post by: sadblueyes1 on February 12, 2011, 05:57:18 pm: I don't think I would tell her
Title: Re: how do you explain to your child that they are a child of rape
Post by: travislang on April 14, 2011, 11:56:50 am: i know im a male and never would have to do this, but i would have to say i wouldnt tell them that, just explain that there daddy is no longer around and that it is best that way. i mean i know for some its like lieing to the child, but you can say there not around no more and it is for the best with out lieing. as far as them asking why its best, who could just say that they had hurt mommy and that he can longer see us....
Title: Re: how do you explain to your child that they are a child of rape
Post by: smithjcsdfw on April 14, 2011, 12:31:34 pm: I have a grandchild that was the product of a rape and to this day her mother has not told her the exact circumstances of his conception. And all I can say is that God got the father before I did.
Title: Re: how do you explain to your child that they are a child of rape
Post by: dreamyxo on April 14, 2011, 09:17:02 pm: I would tell them the truth. There is no hiding it, it will come out some how and I'd rather explain it to them than have someone else do it.
Title: Re: how do you explain to your child that they are a child of rape
Post by: gaylasue on April 15, 2011, 05:33:52 am: May God bless this family. Why do you think children have to look like their parents to be theirs? I know many children that favor other family members ~ aunts, uncles, cousins, great-grandparents ~ more than they do their parents. I definitely would not tell a child of the evil conception. I believe it could harm her mentally especially if other kids find out later. Can you only imagine the cruelty some kids would impose on her? Children can be very cruel to each other. Please pray for guidance in the situation. I will pray for you.
Title: Re: how do you explain to your child that they are a child of rape
Post by: texaswhiterose on April 15, 2011, 06:54:19 am: YOU DON'T. I don't care what the experts say. If your friend tells her child the truth about who her biological father is she will never be the same. It will mess her head up and she will eventually start to feel dirty and unloved. No matter how much she truly is loved it will not feel that way. I highly recommend NOT telling her the truth. But then I am not the "expert".