FC Community
Discussion Boards => Off-Topic => Topic started by: Tresbn00 on February 17, 2011, 05:20:21 am
-
Two kids, beautiful house...am I selfish in wanting to explore someone who appreciates me more? Is there someting to the "second times a charm" cliche? Should I stay happy with the ego stroke afforded me by the lovely young lady that has shown interest?
-
That depends. How would your spouse feel? How would you kids feel? It's not just about you when you have a family. And when you say "lovely young lady", how much younger? Are you merely "trading in for a new model"? That's very shallow if that's the case. Are you well off financially? Younger women tend to go for older, more financially-stable men because they can take better care of them. Have you spoken to your spouse about how your relationship is going, and what the two of you could do to appreciate each other more?
If you haven't thought of any of that, and your just chasing an "ego-stroke", then yes, I believe you are selfish. Referring to that young lady as an "ego-stroke" is very disrespectful to her; are you sure you are falling in love with her?
But if you have been working on your relationship, and your spouse doesn't seem willing to work for it too, then perhaps it would be time to cut your losses. Just make sure not to abandon your kids in the process. A parent leaving has terrible effects on a kid, no matter their age.
-
That's a good way to screw up A) your life, B) your kid's lives, C) your current wife
Really, that young woman that has taken an interest to you won't be around forever. Just decide if throwing away everything you have right now is worth a fling!!
-
One question to ask yourself is whether you would be considering leaving your wife and family if this girl wasn't in the picture. It sounds to me that if she wasn't there to stroke your ego you would stay put. If you had been planning on leaving a bad situation anyway, it would be different.
-
Like I told another member, this could be a phase you are going through and may pass. All new relationships are fun in the beginning, what if you ruin what good you have going on right now just for this new "young lady" relationship to fizzle out in a couple months and be sh*tty leaving you wishing you hadn't screwed up what you had.
-
Have you tried everything you can to make your current relationship better?
-
There are other people to consider here. If you are truly unhappy in your marriage and have tried everything to "fix" things, then you need to set your spouse down and discuss your feelings. Nothing good will come from having a fling. You might feel good for awhile but would it be worth it in the end?
-
Thanks for all of the feedback! Overwhelmingly against my "ego-stroke" has made me realize that making a move in this direction would be wrong in every sense of the word to all people involved. I hope that anyone else that is tempted looks at his post and learns as much as I have. This has been the most beneficial post to date for me! Still hard not to think of visiting the fun side but the many posts have cleared my head. Thanks again!
-
Just remember- you might think you're in a rut right now but really, you've reached that point of being comfortable with each other. It's what I like to think of as a "stable home life" LOL It's security and comfort and knowing that the person there with you loves you so much that you don't have to say it constantly. Do you really want to have to re-learn everything about someone new? Like, what all the different faces they make mean?
-
While you are learning here, you should tell the younger woman that it is not nice to play on the affections of a man with a wife and children. Tell her there are already many divorced men out there who thought that is what they wanted and it did not work.
-
:dog:
I'm impressed with all of the good thinking that was put into the problem here.
-
tresben00,
I surely hope your last post is what you have really decided. I have been on both sides of the fence - I am a woman, who can proudly say "now I am a lady". My parents cheated on each other, the old saying 'children live what they learn' is so true! My marriage was not the best, I did try to work on it, arranging time off work for my husband & planning a week vacation for him & I to try to revive our feelings for each other - or maybe it was for me to try to revive my feelings for him. The vacation was a flop - he wouldn't stop to see any of the sites. The only thing he was interested in was 'under the sheets'. A woman needs to feel she is more than just a u know what to her man. Do you ever buy your wife a gift JUST BECAUSE? Plan a romantic night out without expecting her to do her 'wifely' duties afterwards? You can't expect to treat your wife like a piece of meat, total house keeper etc & think that she is going to show affection! We fought, argued & yes a few times he got physical with me, forced me to do things I didn't want to do, but I did want things to work out.
I did get involved with a married man - (after my divorce) it has been over for 10 years & I am still heart broken. If a man or woman has no more scrupples than to cheat on their spouse, or to be the other woman like I was - Well, there is nothing coming to them. I have made my apolgies, cleaned the slate & have been born again.
As has already been said, the kids suffer terribly & the cycle can just continue like crazy.
-
Take it from someone who knows - it will lead to heartache all around.
-
Men are always cheaters it seems...
-
get out or stay put u cant have it all ......... Think of your children will they be better off if you separated or if they found out you was a cheat
-
It's not worth it. And, karma is a b*tch. Glad to see you're making the right decision :)