FC Community
Discussion Boards => Off-Topic => Topic started by: cateyes1 on June 12, 2012, 04:54:38 am
-
I want to start off with, I will be there for ANYONE if needed. I have this neighbor who is 61 years of age and I know he can do for him self. he calls me just about every day sometimes 5-7 times a day. he'll say "Ginny can you bring me down a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich", or sometime he'll ask me to bring him food....over this past weekend he called me and sad "Ginny I dont feel good I think I took to many pills" I said how many dd you take, he said 10...now mind you he sounded fine to me. so I said "I will call 911" he said NO...so I got off the phone and I called his sister who lives out of state...we talked and she didn know what to do because he has pulled this so many times...anyways while on the phone with her my other phone rings and it's him again...he said "Ginny I feel so much better now" I said "wow that was quick what did you do" he said " I drank allot of water" I relay back to his sister what he said and she was like "see one never knows with him" hr's later I get a call from his sister saying that he called her and saying "I took 15 pills" so she gets off the phone and calls 911...the fire department,ambulance came and took him to the hospital...the next day he calls me from the hospital saying " oh Ginny I dont know what to do I just want to die"........this man is making me physicaly sick, i'm abunch of nerves. I screen my calls now and I feel like i'm a prisoner in my own home.....God forbid if anything happens to him should I feel guilty?...I mean he leans on me for allot and I feel if I dont jump or something REALLY happens i'll be wondering, what could have I done?...my other neighbors tell me he's not my problem and so does my family BUT ....... he counts on me so much, I dont know what more to do......I will help anyone but when all I hear from him is I want to die, a part of me just wants to say just do it and get it over with...then I feel even more guilty for even thinking of saying that.....HELP!!...........what would you do?........1 of my neighbors even said he feels bad for me because this guy seems to be playing head games with me....he is sooooo stressing me out!!!!!!!!!!!!
-
He seems like he just wants attention. Does he ever get out of the house? Does he have any friends? Maybe you should find him a friend that he can hang out with. It definitely sounds like you are in a tough situation. I would probably be screening my calls too. It seems like if something does actually go wrong, he would probably call 911 himself. The thing is he is counting on you for things he can do himself, so he doesn't really need you, he just wants to talk to you. He just seems lonely to me. :dontknow:
-
he probably wants attention, it up to you to decide if you want to go through it, if you have the time and patience go ahead, but dont take everything he says so serious
-
He seems like he just wants attention. Does he ever get out of the house? Does he have any friends? Maybe you should find him a friend that he can hang out with. It definitely sounds like you are in a tough situation. I would probably be screening my calls too. It seems like if something does actually go wrong, he would probably call 911 himself. The thing is he is counting on you for things he can do himself, so he doesn't really need you, he just wants to talk to you. He just seems lonely to me. :dontknow:
Hi, yes I see him out and about, yet when I ask him if he's been out he tells me "no i'm to sick to get out" I think i'm being played for a fool....I have suggested many places he can g to and he tells me he's to tired or some excuse....he had a friend the next street over but I heard she doesnt want to talk to him any more because all he talks about is want to die and how life stinks UGH
-
if it bothers you, you could tell him you dont mind coming over if he needs but you dont want to hear about dying, it makes you depressed
-
if it bothers you, you could tell him you dont mind coming over if he needs but you dont want to hear about dying, it makes you depressed
I have said that in a round about way but it falls on deaf ears :sad1:
-
so next time your there and he brings up death, tell him your it bother you and leave tell next time he brings it up you wont be able to come over
-
so next time your there and he brings up death, tell him your it bother you and leave tell next time he brings it up you wont be able to come over
Thanks :thumbsup:
-
good luck and keep up the good work
-
Thanks, CALGON take me away :wave:
-
You might consider calling social services about him. They might be able to do something?
-
why don't you just be honest? i've met ppl like this... maybe its just how he is... but if he were a killer would you be assisting him in murders?
i would just say if you can make the food yourself why don't you? and i would also say i don't think your telling the truth about the pills i just think you want attention... i would say if you want a friend ok but if you just want me to do all the stuff you can do and just try to get my sympathy then no
Water Ihave said allllllllllll that, but it falls on deaf ears....I may as well be talking t a wall :dontknow:....I told him if he keeps calling andsaying hewants to die, i'm just going to call 911.........and as far as your question about assisting i'm not even going to answer that...dont be foolish lol
-
if it were me i don't know exactly what you have done... but id be friendly and lay it out for him one more time that you will be a friend but not a butler or a pity party, nd that if he changed id be his friend, but if he doesnt that you'll ignore him... and then just ignore him... lets say he killed himself after he was left alone... i wouldnt say you should feel bad because you can either be his slave and he would probably do it anyways and you would get taken down or you can just let him be and hope that his time alone being at an all time low will help him wise up... i used to be real pathetic in my interactions but after a while i learned it was pathetic... if you give him a fair option i think its alright you cant force him
Good advice, thank you so much for that, I hope tha works!!...he knows i'll be there for him but now I feel i'm being taken advantage of.....water, I have ALWAYS brougt him food and sat hrs with him talking about anting to die. then one day he called me and said Ginny can you come down here? I said I cant today because I dont feel good myself...he said I bet I feel worse...well that REALLY got my A&&....
-
Hey now I could use a peanut butter sandwich. Could you bring me one? And maybe a couple of double stuffed oreos as well.
As with all things at some point in time ya just gotta draw that line in the sand that your not willing to cross.
-
Hey now I could use a peanut butter sandwich. Could you bring me one? And maybe a couple of double stuffed oreos as well.
As with all things at some point in time ya just gotta draw that line in the sand that your not willing to cross.
Lol Smith, all of my friends now call me and say on my answering machine, "Ginny when you get the chance can you bring me a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich" GRRRRR lol....that was cute lol
-
I worked in the In Home Care and these people usually gets someone to do thngs for them because they have no one else it sounds that he is lonly maybe he needs in home care or even a nursing home where there are activities they can do and friends they can have. The in home care will help with meals, cleaning, shopping, bathing, and if needed they will send a nurse once a week for his medications. You can go through the social services for the elderly to try and get him some help and you wont have to feel guilty. I have been where you are at. I got attched to a few of my clients and when one died I cried for a long time i was a part of the family his family loved (his kids). This old man needs visitors and activities.
-
I worked in the In Home Care and these people usually gets someone to do thngs for them because they have no one else it sounds that he is lonly maybe he needs in home care or even a nursing home where there are activities they can do and friends they can have. The in home care will help with meals, cleaning, shopping, bathing, and if needed they will send a nurse once a week for his medications. You can go through the social services for the elderly to try and get him some help and you wont have to feel guilty. I have been where you are at. I got attched to a few of my clients and when one died I cried for a long time i was a part of the family his family loved (his kids). This old man needs visitors and activities.
Hi Blondie i'm so glad you're ok hun, referrng to the topic you started, I hope you dont find me rude that was not my intentions.......anyways. I also worked in a nursing home. however this man is able to do so much for him self but he keeps using the excuse of having Chronic Fatique as not being able to do so. he keeps going to the hospital and they find NOTHING wrong with him and send him home. Even if as he said took 15 pills, I highly doubt they would have sent him home praticully the next day...I know he gets lonesome and many neighbors have gone to his house to chat with him but all he talks abut is wanting to die......NOBODY wants to keep hearing that......I see him out and about too. he has stated himself that he needs help but when I suggest places to go, he either doesnt have the money (which he does) or he's to tired to go and look at places.I throw my hands up I dont know what more to do.
-
Hi cateyes1,
Is this the guy you posted about a few months ago. Having worked in the nursing field myself I know what you are dealing with. Trust me when I say this "if that joker wanted to die he would be dead already" he has no intentions on killing himself or anyone else. Tell this guy that to here him talk about death like he does drives not only you further away from him but others too and you will have to stop visiting him if it continues.
The very next time he mentions death in your presence you must stop answering the phone and stop all communications with him for at least 21 days (habit forming time) before you give him any more attention. If any thing happens good or bad during this time would be choices he made not you. If you want this to stop you have to be the one to stop it. Nothing change if nothing change!!!
-
Hi cateyes1,
Is this the guy you posted about a few months ago. Having worked in the nursing field myself I know what you are dealing with. Trust me when I say this "if that joker wanted to die he would be dead already" he has no intentions on killing himself or anyone else. Tell this guy that to here him talk about death like he does drives not only you further away from him but others too and you will have to stop visiting him if it continues.
The very next time he mentions death in your presence you must stop answering the phone and stop all communications with him for at least 21 days (habit forming time) before you give him any more attention. If any thing happens good or bad during this time would be choices he made not you. If you want this to stop you have to be the one to stop it. Nothing change if nothing change!!!
Hi Maxi, yes he is the same guy...I wasnt sure if it was here I posted before or another site....I thought the same thing hun. if he's ging to take pills he's not ging to call people to say he took them..but ya never know I guess...well thank goodness I havent heard from him yet today...shhhhhh I best not jinx myself lol
-
I agree with what some others have said because it does sound like he just wants attention. I just know that you SHOULD NOT feel guilty. From what it sounds like, you have went out of your way to help him and it seems like he is taking advantage of you. I think he wants you to feel guilty so you will think that if you decide not to help him that you are wrong. It's a psychological thing. You need to try and cut him off. Maybe you should work more or volunteer or just skip a few of his calls so you will have a legitimate excuse to tell him.
-
I think you should bring up the fact that if he cannot do these simple tasks for himself, that you are calling social services because you are worried about his welfare.
hopefully this will be enough to wake him up.
If not, follow through with calling Social Services.
Otherwise, you are trapped due to your goodwill and compassion.
-
I want to start off with, I will be there for ANYONE if needed. I have this neighbor who is 61 years of age and I know he can do for him self. he calls me just about every day sometimes 5-7 times a day. he'll say "Ginny can you bring me down a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich", or sometime he'll ask me to bring him food....over this past weekend he called me and sad "Ginny I dont feel good I think I took to many pills" I said how many dd you take, he said 10...now mind you he sounded fine to me. so I said "I will call 911" he said NO...so I got off the phone and I called his sister who lives out of state...we talked and she didn know what to do because he has pulled this so many times...anyways while on the phone with her my other phone rings and it's him again...he said "Ginny I feel so much better now" I said "wow that was quick what did you do" he said " I drank allot of water" I relay back to his sister what he said and she was like "see one never knows with him" hr's later I get a call from his sister saying that he called her and saying "I took 15 pills" so she gets off the phone and calls 911...the fire department,ambulance came and took him to the hospital...the next day he calls me from the hospital saying " oh Ginny I dont know what to do I just want to die"........this man is making me physicaly sick, i'm abunch of nerves. I screen my calls now and I feel like i'm a prisoner in my own home.....God forbid if anything happens to him should I feel guilty?...I mean he leans on me for allot and I feel if I dont jump or something REALLY happens i'll be wondering, what could have I done?...my other neighbors tell me he's not my problem and so does my family BUT ....... he counts on me so much, I dont know what more to do......I will help anyone but when all I hear from him is I want to die, a part of me just wants to say just do it and get it over with...then I feel even more guilty for even thinking of saying that.....HELP!!...........what would you do?........1 of my neighbors even said he feels bad for me because this guy seems to be playing head games with me....he is sooooo stressing me out!!!!!!!!!!!!
It does sound like he's bored so he's finding reasons to demand your attention. It also sounds like he calls you whenever he's in crisis.
It's important that you put a stop to this because the situation is draining you. If he calls you again you should instruct him to dial 911 for himself or he should call a paid counselor/therapist who is trained to counsel him. You're not being paid to deal with his stuff.
No need to feel guilty. It's important that YOU live your life and take good care of YOURself.
-
Sounds like he is only bored and lonely! Do you know any lonely older ladies? Maybe you should hook him up? :dontknow:
-
I think you solved your own problem in your own words. I'd read again what you wrote. You said he had time to call you, his sister, and complain that he took pills. Key words...Had Time =-P Isn't there a childrens story about a Boy who cried wolf? Somehow I get this mental image of a guy sitting in a spa in his back yard sipping on a wine glass making prank phone calls.
-
Ask Jehovah's Witnesses to visit him! They will, and maybe he won't even open the door...LOL then you will know he is playing games. If he does open and talk to them, then at least he made new friends and stop calling you so much... Just an idea.
-
I worked in the In Home Care and these people usually gets someone to do thngs for them because they have no one else it sounds that he is lonly maybe he needs in home care or even a nursing home where there are activities they can do and friends they can have. The in home care will help with meals, cleaning, shopping, bathing, and if needed they will send a nurse once a week for his medications. You can go through the social services for the elderly to try and get him some help and you wont have to feel guilty. I have been where you are at. I got attched to a few of my clients and when one died I cried for a long time i was a part of the family his family loved (his kids). This old man needs visitors and activities.
I am so sorry for you. It is not you that he is really reaching out to. It is his family (maybe some loved one or best friend who has died). Even though he is only 61 it sounds like he needs to be in some sort of senior housing or have in home care. See if you could (Or his sister or some other family member) get him signed up for things like Meals on Wheels, Snacks (In our area this is people who take cookies and visit anyone who is home bound and has a snack a visit or plays a game with them.) He is lonesome, for his FAMILY and loved ones. The pill stuff is a cry for help, the sandwich things is because he is lonely. Talk to his sister, if she won't then maybe you need to call Social Services. They also in our area have adult day care, where they go just like children for the day with other people to watch them. He is not your problem, but I know you will feel guilty if he does do something really stupid. He does really have problems, but they are not yours, he just needs some (professional) help.
-
no you need to make yourself unavailable he needs to be somewhere 24 hours aday with trained help his sister needs to see to it
-
I agree with some of the others here. He sounds like he's lonely, and just looking for attention. I would be tactfully honest with him, and maybe try to help get him involved with a class at a senior center, or some type of other activities so he can meet friends and not feel so lonely. Good luck!
-
:star: sounds to me like you have a big heart, and this gentleman knows this and his taking advantage of it. I think you really need to talk to your local Social Service office about him talking of dying and see if they can help him get someone to come spend time with him so that you can take a breather. Will be praying it works out.
-
This sounds a a bit as if the gentleman is in need of some fresh air or is in need of a socially accepting group of people who are available to him at convenient times. There is a certain need for every person to be communicated with in different ways. No need to feel bad about anything, but if you feel a need to aid or support someone or something, i say you should go for it.
-
I think dis guy is either just messing with u or he have memory loss.