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Discussion Boards => Off-Topic => Topic started by: annettefayeroach on August 26, 2012, 05:20:05 pm
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My daughter graduates high school this year. Her father walked out when she was 12 years old. She has not had a relationship with him. He will not talk to her , he will not come and get her, he does nothing for her. She has told me that she does not want him at her graduation. Should I abide by her wishes? It is her day she will be 18 if that makes any difference.
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Are you in touch yourself with the father? I don't see any reason in telling him since he's already cut her out of his life. He doesn't need to go to her graduation.
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No. He and I do not talk. He wanted that way so he got that way.
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Thank you
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This is her graduation don't spoil it for her. Let him keep stepping. Why should he be part of her big day when he abandoned her.
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If your daughter does not want him there, then I would abide by her wishes. Don't tell him, he made the decision to not be in her life, so therefore he don't need to know.
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you telling him not to come will have no impact...she needs to tell her dad she doesnt want him there, and then maybe he'll get the hint.
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To the last responder, acurtsinger, I did not see where the mom mentioned either one talking to him. I was in a similar situation. My father deserted us when I was even younger and did not talk to us. My mother insisted I call and invite him and he told me no. He even complained because I reversed the charges. (That was before cell phones.) I was heart-broken. I think it would be better not to call - either to invite him or uninvite him.
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If your daughter doesn't want her father at her graduation, I think you should not invite him (or tell him about it).
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Unless I missed something or a detail is left out, I agree that she does not have to even invite him. If there was any interest by him or he was contacting her possibly something could be different. But if he has chosen to make no contact and she has no desire for him to be there, why open any cans of worms so to speak. Though there is a part of you that probably is angered that your very special child will not have her father there, not the "way" of things, there just hasn't been the relationship there. So no reason to stir up drama. Sometimes the kindest thing in all respects is to leave well enough alone. (I eloped with a very small group to avoid having my dad at the wedding or involved in anyway. Didn't want to lash out and hurt him but DID NOT WANT THE DRAMA. So, quietly did what was most important to me and didn't open any cans of worms I did not want to deal with or hurt anyone.)
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Abide by her wishes. She has been doing without him so far. When she is ready she will contact him that is her choice.
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It's her big day and I would abide by her wishes. That should be a day of celebration and not a day of heartache and drama. He apparently made his decision about not being involved in her life when he walked out.
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Thank you one and all.
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He doesn't deserve to be there. That's the thing with parents who walk out on their young kids--they forget that kids grow up. Why should he bask in her glory when he made no contribution, except supply the seed?