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Discussion Boards => Off-Topic => Topic started by: cateyes1 on April 04, 2013, 05:02:54 am
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This will tickle your funny bone!!
These great questions and answers are from the days when the Hollywood Squares game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now.
Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.
Q. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!
(The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!)
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A.. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the Army.
Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected..
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him...
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh
WE DON'T STOP LAUGHING BECAUSE WE GROW OLD, WE GROW OLD BECAUSE WE STOP LAUGHING!
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Oh my God! I hate to admit it, but yes I remember that show and I loved it. I know I heard all these before, but reading them just now made me burst out laughing again. Thanks for the laugh and memories!
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HAHA. Circle gets the square. Thanks for the laughs.
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I remember that show!
It was quite entertaining.
The "regulars" who were on had a great sense of humor, something that has disappeared quite a bit in today's TV.
The number of game shows has dwindled; the reruns are repeated from the "past".
There was a game show "password".
We used to play at home; even bought the game to play as a family.
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I loved that show. It was a warmup to the day to see the late Paul Lynde and others crack jokes. I was born in 1958 and still remember how tickled I would be. Thanks, cateyes1. ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Oh my goodness!! I can't quit laughing!! What is the new way to say that? LMAO??
I enjoyed the show back in the day. Thanks for the memories with those questions/answers you shared today, cateyes!! Paul Lynde, Rose Marie, Charley Weaver, Don Knotts!! Great comedians.
"Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?"
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This will tickle your funny bone!!
These great questions and answers are from the days when the Hollywood Squares game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now.
Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.
Q. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!
(The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!)
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A.. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the Army.
Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected..
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him...
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh
WE DON'T STOP LAUGHING BECAUSE WE GROW OLD, WE GROW OLD BECAUSE WE STOP LAUGHING!
Yes I do remember some of those jokes. I guess that ells you how old I am! I am wondering if any of those characters are even alive now? I loved the quick retorts that were just off the wall. Witty but clever to imply something to do with sex. But it was never really taken as rude or filthy. Much different than the shows that are on prime time now. TV was really censored back in the 60's and 70's. Married couples did not even sleep in the same bed!
BMaston12
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Ah, yes. I remember it well. I'm in awe of their candid, spontaneous humor. I miss Paul Lynde.
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Yes, I remember the show. They were quick with the jokes. We don't have comedy like that anymore. Thanks for the memories and laughs. :star:
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Q: Every St. Patrick's day what does Mayor Daley throw into the Chicago River?
A: (Paul Lynde) The little woman.
This guy was totally hilarious. ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Oh yes, I remember it well. Thank you for a GREAT walk down memory lane. That was a very good chuckle. I believe it ran right along with Match Game with Gene Rayburn, but you guys are so right. The regulars were awesome and right on it with the comedic answers!
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Good show, lol
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This show was one of my all-time favorites. I remember Wally *bleep* in the center square. When he was chosen you could hear him mutter, "Everyone blocks with Wally *bleep*."
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Thanks so much for sharing! Lots of great laughs that I needed tonight. When I 1st read the post I didn't quite remember the show but it didn't take long! thanks fot the laughs! :wave: :peace:
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Be nice to have some shows like that now, the whole family could watch and laugh. I sort of wish a lot of the foul language was NOT allowed on tv now.
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I had a video quite some time ago from funny moments from various game shows. This one is a classic on Hollywood Squares with John Davidson.
This definitely will make you laugh as it is so non-nonchalant with the response that John Davidson gave.
The question was:
What part of the body do Japanese woman shave prior to getting married?
John Davidson thought long and hard an answered as follows: On the whole, I would say ....... At which point he put his head down when he realized what he had said.
This is a natural statement that anyone could make while replying to a question.
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Oh my God! I admit it, yes I remember that show and I loved it. To bad there are not any good shows like it anymore, I would watch tv again.
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Good old fashioned adult humor. Where has that gone? The crap on tv these days has lost all sense of good natured funny. I have gotten so tired of some of the things my kids watch that I've resorted to renting DVD's from our library. Currently they are in the middle of Friends, Malcom in the middle and Soap...remember that one with Billy Crystal... Okay the theme song is very annoying but it's hilarious to me when my 13 year old son turns and episode off and says..."I can't wait till the next episode of Soap..Who killed Danny. What's going on with Chester...?
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Thanks for the memories! I loved watching that show. I do have to admit most of the jokes went over my head back then since I didn't know what they were really talking about. Now, I laugh even harder!
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my mom use to watch this when i was growing up,,, :cat:
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Thanks for some good laughs to start the day! You just never knew what they were going to say next on that show - just that it would be funny. I can't think of anything on recently that comes close.
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I used to watch that show all the time with my family. We all loved it and the panel really made the show.
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I loved Hollywood Squares! Paul Lynde was the absolute best at one-liners. He would have me in stitches all through the show! Then you had the greastest comedians ever as guests. People like Jackie Gleason, Carol Burnett, Nipsey Russell, and Tim Conway. Man, now that was when TV was worth watching! That's REAL "must see tv"! ;D :icon_rr:
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Definatly showing my age here or at least feeling like a true grownup
but yes I sure do remember! I am going to share some of these later because they are just so darn funny!
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I reminder Hollywood Squares. I loved the show because it was so funny. The stars could come up with some of the funniest answers to such simple questions.