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Discussion Boards => Off-Topic => Topic started by: hollister237 on January 30, 2014, 10:16:36 pm
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I was with X for a year and a half, but I broke up with him for Y. I had relations with Y, realized he was not my type, and broke up with Y. Then I went back to X, told him I had relations with Y and X took me back happily, saying that he would never bring up what I did with Y. It has been a month since he took me back, and he brings up what I did with Y every. single. day. He's made me apologize hundreds of times and even made me admit that what I did was cheating. I don't think it was cheating at all because I was not with X at the time. What do you think? :rose:
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As you explained it, no, it was not.
But it is also obvious that X is not happy with what happened and is not about to forgive and forget.
There were reasons why you stepped away from X.
If emotional abuse were one of them, then recognize that what you are going through it again.
If your roles were reversed, and X did what you did, would you feel he had cheated on you?
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As you explained it, no, it was not.
But it is also obvious that X is not happy with what happened and is not about to forgive and forget.
There were reasons why you stepped away from X.
If emotional abuse were one of them, then recognize that what you are going through it again.
If your roles were reversed, and X did what you did, would you feel he had cheated on you?
Great points
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What you did after broken up with one person for another should not be an issue because you were not together.
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As you explained it, no, it was not.
But it is also obvious that X is not happy with what happened and is not about to forgive and forget.
There were reasons why you stepped away from X.
If emotional abuse were one of them, then recognize that what you are going through it again.
If your roles were reversed, and X did what you did, would you feel he had cheated on you?
Great points
These are really great points. I don't think you cheated, but as mentioned above, you should look at the reasons the relationship broke up in the first place ... also, you should tell him to let it go ... :angel11:
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why would you say you cheated when you didnt. never admit to doing something that you didnt do and dont let x make you feel like you did when you didnt. i think its time to sit down x and let them know either they get off of your back about y or they will be seeing nothing but the door slamming in their face again.
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I don't think it's considered cheating, but if this person is making you apologize for cheating, you don't need them. You don't need to be apologizing over and over to anybody. And remember, if you broke it off with that person one time, then there's a reason and if I were you, I'd run really fast it the other direction!!
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I was with X for a year and a half, but I broke up with him for Y. I had relations with Y, realized he was not my type, and broke up with Y. Then I went back to X, told him I had relations with Y and X took me back happily, saying that he would never bring up what I did with Y. It has been a month since he took me back, and he brings up what I did with Y every. single. day. He's made me apologize hundreds of times and even made me admit that what I did was cheating. I don't think it was cheating at all because I was not with X at the time. What do you think? :rose:
You where broke up with X when you where with Y so that isn't cheating. X took you back and it shouldn't even be brought up and if X keeps bringing it up that relationship won't last either. There is no trust issues because you where not together at the time. Just talk to X and tell X look I want this to work but bring up the pass when we were not together is not helping. Our relationship started over when we got back together what I did or you did doesn't matter, so lets move on.
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So in other words when you were with Y,X is telling you,OICU!!!
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It is not cheating for sure if you were broken up with X while you were with Y it was not cheating for sure!!!
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No. You were not "cheating" when you were with Y. It doesn't sound like X is right for you. Maybe time to start looking for a Z.
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If u broke up w/x b4 y Ur not cheating cuz u had no relations w/x. U shouldn't feel any guilt in front of x after getting back w/x; he had no business what u did while dating y. Be careful, x is not relationship material if he's treating u that way. It's never good 2rehook up w/an x cuz he knows Ur bagged & u know his. Suggestion, drop x & get 2 know Ur self again. U never know, in the process of soul searching Ur self u might accidentally, trip over z, u know the ONE...mr./ms. Right! It happened to me! :thumbsup:
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That means you didn't cheat if you weren't together!
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No, that's not cheating if you broke up with one before going to the other... however, if you still get grief, leave him again, he's not worth it...
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No it's not cheating if you broke up with X then went with Y. But why are you back with X? You should forget about X and Y and be single for awhile and when yo're ready, look for Z.
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Maybe X considers it as cheating since you slept with Y. The first mistake you made was telling him that you slept with Y. Men are not as forgiving about confessions, especially when it hits this magnitude. There are some things that are better left unsaid. You told him and, regardless of the fact that he promised he would not bring it up, he is constantly bringing it up. I am not saying that you were wrong; you weren't with him, and you left X for a reason. Maybe you should have started a relationship with someone else. You at least realized, in sleeping with Y, that he wasn't your type. X feels wounded because he took you back even after you decided that confession is good for the soul. Why don't you ask him how long he plans to persecute you for this. ??? ??? ??? :rainbow:
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If you were broken up and not seeing them anymore then NO, it was not cheating. Now let me say this, you need to get away from that relationship now, they are never going to let you forget about the other relationship, so move on and save yourself alot of heartache now!
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I don't buy into the concept of cheating because I don't believe two people OWN each other, anyway. X is wanting you to feel guilt about spending time with Y and he's using it as leverage. It's important to evaluate your commitment with these men. It might be best if you NOT discuss other relationships with a man you're currently involved with, in the future. Some people call it...
refusing to kiss and tell. :heart:
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I agree with BaudLight. You were NOT cheating when you were with Y, but the fact that X keeps bringing this up makes it sound like you were right to ditch X to begin with. Go for a Z!
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Not cheating but I think you need to move on if he cant get passed what happened in the past like he said because its just going to turn to something he holds over your head forever.
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If he is going to hold it over your head and keep at you, I would tell him to take a flying leap. Otherwise you are going to hear about is the rest of the time you were with him. And i bet he was not too clean while you were broke up.
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Obviously it bothers him as to what you did with Y. It looks like he is punishing you for being with Y. I don't think you cheated on X because you broke up with him, but it was stupid on your part for thinking that the grass was greener on the other side. You should have expected that the relationship you had with Y would bother him. You say X was happy to take you back-it doesn't look like it.
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I say dump X for a better person,Constant nagging on how you chose Y over him for a period and then realizing your faults and going back to X. Does not mean you need to take his crap. To me his basically saying you cant get a better guy then him which is BS all women deserves a guy that respects her and trust's her . Yeah sure he may or may not be the one for you but a dude who gets jealous for that long period of time and keeps telling you that its your fault and making you apologies over and over again is just a little kid trapped in older persons body.
And for the cheating part, you did not cheated at all you ended your relations with X hence forth being single again and getting into a new relationship with Y. So you don't need to say sorry or all those things just to make him feel like his the only guy in the world for you or superior ETC. You do not need to think you cheated on him or feel any guilt because YOU DID NOT CHEATED.
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In my opinion .. what you did was not cheating .. but one thing you must remember is that now that you are back with X your relationship may never be the same ... It sounds to me like the trust is gone .. it may be time to move forward and make a clean break from both of them
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According to the facts you give I would say no you were not cheating. But I would also wonder if you have a future with X since he doesn't seem to trust you any more since he continually reminds you of the past.
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not if you were broken up with X at the time. if X is continually making you apologize and throwing it up to you, then maybe you should review the reason you left X to start with?
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I was with X for a year and a half, but I broke up with him for Y. I had relations with Y, realized he was not my type, and broke up with Y. Then I went back to X, told him I had relations with Y and X took me back happily, saying that he would never bring up what I did with Y. It has been a month since he took me back, and he brings up what I did with Y every. single. day. He's made me apologize hundreds of times and even made me admit that what I did was cheating. I don't think it was cheating at all because I was not with X at the time. What do you think? :rose:
It wasn't cheating. You broke up with him and went with another man. He didn't have to take you back. If it were me I would leave. I wouldn't put up with being treated badly for something that happened while I was broke up with him.
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Once the relationship with X was over, you were a free woman. So you cannot be accused of cheating. However, X is unable to accept that you had a relationship with Y, even though its over. My advice is: put an end to your relationship with X. You had reason to leave him once before and you can't apologize for the rest of your life. Then I would suggest that you remain single and just be by yourself for awhile. Don't move on to Z until you have time to regroup.
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awww give me a break no you didn't cheat ,but yeah you kinda did .you broke up with x to go with y then ran back to x ....you cant run your life like that. either you love x or you don't make up your friggin mind. so ummm in 2 months you see a z you break up with x to have relations with z then go back to x maybe im just in a bad mood but I think you may need to grow up. you and x probably need counsceling but did you really think x would not be hurt and just take you back ummm not going to happen you should have thought a lot harder about leaving x than you did. x must really love you to take you back. nope im not in a bad mood I just really hate people who toy with other peoples hearts which is exactly what you did shame on you oh and just to let the people who are gonna *bleep* at me for my opinion this comes from my heart been there done that so just don't yak back at me.
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awww give me a break no you didn't cheat ,but yeah you kinda did .you broke up with x to go with y then ran back to x ....you cant run your life like that. either you love x or you don't make up your friggin mind. so ummm in 2 months you see a z you break up with x to have relations with z then go back to x maybe im just in a bad mood but I think you may need to grow up. you and x probably need counsceling but did you really think x would not be hurt and just take you back ummm not going to happen you should have thought a lot harder about leaving x than you did. x must really love you to take you back. nope im not in a bad mood I just really hate people who toy with other peoples hearts which is exactly what you did shame on you oh and just to let the people who are gonna *bleep* at me for my opinion this comes from my heart been there done that so just don't yak back at me.
I broke up with x and I found a Z and no I do not plan on going back to X
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good for you im happy to read that you are getting your life in order
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Well I think that if you were finished with one relationship with X, and X definitely knew you were finished, then I don't see that it's any of his business. If however, X believed you were just taking a break but would remain loyal, then it's a problem. I suspect however that you were finished with him and genuinely believed that Y was a better choice. Which begs the question, if X was so right for you, why did you leave him for Y?
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I think X and y are not a good choice and would keep my eyes open for Z because he will be your sole mate. I am telling you from experience because I had an X and a Y similar to yours then one day I met Z and we are truly happy all of the time for the past 24 1/2 married years. I wish you the best and like I said keep your eyes open because your soul mate is out there.
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When you break up with someone you're free and what you do is your business. X has no right to get upset if you saw one person or twenty, it's none of their business. X owes you an apology since they promised to not bring up your relationship with Y. Why did you even tell X about Y? If you were trying to make X jealous you succeeded. My opinion is you should leave X for good. You don't deserve the treatment he's giving you. Move on. Value yourself. :peace:
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You were not cheating unless you were carrying on before you actually broke it off with X. Sleeping with someone is not the only way you can cheat on them......say, talking or texting a lot before you broke it off with X would definitely be suspicious of cheating. Did you start the 'relationship' with Y before you ended it with X? Starting it, meaning all the talking and stuff....you know if you were legit or not. Would you want X talking with someone "just friends" behind your back?
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Nope you were not cheating.....sounds like X just want to punish you and make you feel guilty.....Why even tell X, it really was not his business.....
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i wasted many years (25) in a marriage that was not working, after a reasonable attempt you should call it quits and never go back to a relationship once it over because the right one is out there and you cann't find them if you're not looking.
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It's like that running theme on the television show "Friends"......when Ross kept telling Rachel that "we were on a break" everytime Rachel brings up his going out with another girl when they were broken up briefly.
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No that is not considered cheating because you guys where not together. What happens or you do after breaking up with someone is none of their concern.
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I dont' think so. You explained it to him . sounds like HE may not be the right one for you either?
:-X
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Sounds like somebody is insecure and enjoys making you doubting yourself. If you weren't in a committed relationship ... than how in the world could you have been cheating? I think you are in the right and he's just rubbing your face in your actions - that of which didn't involve him... How old is this guy?
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I don't think that is cheating if you guys breakup everything that happens after is fair game.
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This responce may be a day late and a dollar short but to be brutally honest there are always 2 sides to one story.. The fact that you left x for y in the first place weather or not you told him about it he will always see it as cheating because you Elected to leave him For the other person then hop right back on the band wagon and go back to x and amonst doing that admit you had relations with y.. First of all it's almost like you felt guilty for doing it because you told him about it.. Why on god's earth would Go back with x and tell him you had relations with y the guy you left x for.. To me that sounds a little off.. There is something in there that is not making alot of sence.. I can see why he is making you feel miserable for something you did because perhaps you made him feel miserable telling him.. you had relations with a person you left him for... That's almost like adding salt to the wounds.. Not saying you deserve it.. But put yourself into his shoes.. How would you like it if he had and x and a y he left you for y had relations came back to you and told you about the relations with y.. Like someone said it is better to leave some things UNSAID.
On another note i'm glad you posted a update on your relationship status sounds great hope it lasts and you have a wonderfull life together.. It's amazing what you can do just by simply leaving the past behind you which probably would have been the best option in the first place.. Bless you and your new found relationship..
:monkey:
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In short, no
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If you broke up with X to be with Y then it wasn't cheating, BUT how did you know you wanted to be with Y? If you were flirting or emotionally involved with them while you were with X then I would consider that cheating. Not to be mean, but X is a dummy for taking you back. If someone left me, I'd never take them back.
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If you broke up with X you were broken up and you can see anyone you want. But obviously you and X were meant to be together and it just took breaking up for you to figure that out. He needs to let it lay and not say anything.
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I would reconsider staying with X. You left for a reason and now he is hammering you about what you did in your own time. Find someone who respects and trusts you.
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No, it doesn't count as cheating, because the two of you were not together. Both of you should talk about why you broke up in the first place, and try to work through that.
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Sounds awful complicated. Perhaps you should look for another letter.
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no you are not cheating now if x mentions it and x gets a rise out of you that could be why he keeps bringing it up next time try not reacting you could say yes that happened its over and in the past lets change the subject or come at it with a very assertive approach like i feel hurt and annoyed every time you bring up Y can we not talk about it
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I was with X for a year and a half, but I broke up with him for Y. I had relations with Y, realized he was not my type, and broke up with Y. Then I went back to X, told him I had relations with Y and X took me back happily, saying that he would never bring up what I did with Y. It has been a month since he took me back, and he brings up what I did with Y every. single. day. He's made me apologize hundreds of times and even made me admit that what I did was cheating. I don't think it was cheating at all because I was not with X at the time. What do you think? :rose:
Well now you know that X is not accepting as he said. Put yourself in X place and figure it out if you would be accepting of this..... Sometimes you just can't go back.
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:) What you did is a problem for the one who said it didn't matter. Time to move on. :)
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I don't think that it was cheating because you clearly weren't with X at the time. Many people would say that X needs to forgive and forget but I don't think that is possible. You broke up with X for a reason...stick to your guns. There are over three hundred million people in the United States alone...I think that your options are wide open. There is bound to be someone out there that is your perfect match, you can be happy with, and will keep you from following passing fancies. Why narrow your self down to just X? Life is too short to commit to someone that is incompatible and is unable to forgive and forget.
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Don't stay with anyone who treats you like that. You deserve better.
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No, it not. Seems to be a problem there any way. Good luck with that.
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I was with X for a year and a half, but I broke up with him for Y. I had relations with Y, realized he was not my type, and broke up with Y. Then I went back to X, told him I had relations with Y and X took me back happily, saying that he would never bring up what I did with Y. It has been a month since he took me back, and he brings up what I did with Y every. single. day. He's made me apologize hundreds of times and even made me admit that what I did was cheating. I don't think it was cheating at all because I was not with X at the time. What do you think? :rose:
If you were 100% not seeing X at the time you were seeing Y...then no you didn't cheat...remind X that if he truly wants your relationship to move forward then you can't live backwards ;)
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No. But it is always double standards as far as females go. Look at what he/she is doing to you now. You deserve better. Consider why you left X in the first place?
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Dear Hollister,
No, it was not cheating. I hope X lets it go. You were right to be honest with him. X holding a grudge is no way to solve the situation.
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If you were broke up and started seeing someone new, that is not cheating. If he told you he would not bring it up, then he should not keep bringing up the subject. That is just wrong.
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My suggestion is to drop Y, forget about X and find a brand new letter that will make you happy. :D
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I was with X for a year and a half, but I broke up with him for Y. I had relations with Y, realized he was not my type, and broke up with Y. Then I went back to X, told him I had relations with Y and X took me back happily, saying that he would never bring up what I did with Y. It has been a month since he took me back, and he brings up what I did with Y every. single. day. He's made me apologize hundreds of times and even made me admit that what I did was cheating. I don't think it was cheating at all because I was not with X at the time. What do you think? :rose:
You said your x made you apologized hundred times, why should you do it. Now he knew your weaknesses. Sorry to say it but now he knew he is strong. Y did come back to him? Did he begging you to come back? If he did then you'll know how strong you are. If he bring up the past situation well then I think couple counseling will be the best... Hope you too work things up good between both of you... :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:
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So what is the outcome? Are you staying with X or did you move on to Z.
Whatever the decision, I hope you live a happy life! :rose: :rainbow: :rose:
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What you've explained it as is definitely not cheating, and I don't think it would be in most people's books. It sounds like he is insecure about this though, so maybe instead of arguing over its label as cheating (which I think is wrong anyway), try to work it out some other way?
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I think he realizes that you can move on with out him and that makes him insecure.
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No if you were not together at the time then it's not cheating. Maybe he didn't take the "breakup" seriously. But him bringing it up every day is very vindictive. I wouldn't stay with him
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I don't feel you were cheating because as you said you were not with X at the time. But, I do feel that X will never let you live down the fact that you hooked up with Y and because of that, I would dump X for good but, of course, the choice is yours. Good luck!!!