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Topics - StacyDuh

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31
Off-Topic / Newlyweds Joke
« on: August 24, 2011, 10:59:09 pm »Message ID: 406478
Mike was going to be married to Karen so his father sat him down for a little chat. He said, "Mike, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants, handed them to your mother, and said, Here - try these on.'

She did and said," these are too big. I can't wear them."

I replied, 'Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will.' Ever since that night, we have never had any problems."

"Hmmm," said Mike. He thought that might be a good thing to try. On his honeymoon, Mike took off his pants and said to Karen, "Here - try these on."

She tried them on and said, "These are too large. They don't fit me."

Mike said, "Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will. I don't want you to ever forget that."

Then Karen took off her pants and handed them to Mike. She said, "Here - you try on mine."

He did and said, "I can't get into your pants."

Karen said, "Exactly. And if you don't change your smart attitude, you never will."

32
Off-Topic / Cigerette Joke
« on: August 24, 2011, 10:52:07 pm »Message ID: 406477
Man's wife asks him to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. So he walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her. They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment. After they've had their fun, he realizes its 3AM and says, "Oh no, its so late, my wife's going to kill me. Have you got any talcum powder?" She gives him some talcum powder, which he proceeds to rub on his hands and then he goes home.

His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty pissed. "Where the hell have you been?!?!"

"Well, honey, its like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking chick there and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another and I ended up in bed with her."

"Oh yeah? Let me see your hands!"

She sees his hands are covered with powder and... "You God damn liar!!! You went bowling again!!!"

33
Off-Topic / Child Custody Joke
« on: August 24, 2011, 10:49:37 pm »Message ID: 406476

A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son's house. She rang the doorbell and walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing and the aroma of perfume filled the room.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the daughter-in-law said. "I am wearing my love dress."

"Love dress? But you're naked!" said the mother-in-law.

"My husband loves me to wear this dress," she explained. "It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me."

The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively.

What are you doing?" he asked.

This is my love dress" she whispered, sensually.

"Needs ironing," he said.

34
Off-Topic / The Dress Joke
« on: August 24, 2011, 10:47:57 pm »Message ID: 406475

A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son's house. She rang the doorbell and walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing and the aroma of perfume filled the room.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the daughter-in-law said. "I am wearing my love dress."

"Love dress? But you're naked!" said the mother-in-law.

"My husband loves me to wear this dress," she explained. "It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me."

The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively.

What are you doing?" he asked.

This is my love dress" she whispered, sensually.

"Needs ironing," he said.

35
Off-Topic / Marriage vs Divorce Joke
« on: August 24, 2011, 10:32:01 pm »Message ID: 406474
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said,"I would like to buy some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked,"Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy!  I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband.

That's against the law!  I'll lose my license!  They'll throw both of us in jail!

All kinds of bad things will happen.   Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, that's different.  You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

36
Off-Topic / Christmas is coming soon!
« on: August 24, 2011, 10:23:08 pm »Message ID: 406473
Christmas is 4 months away, and black Friday is around the corner!!! My daughter 2 years old what would be some good toy choices??????

-VTech is great, is that too advance????

37
Off-Topic / Beyonce the next MJ????
« on: August 24, 2011, 10:19:22 pm »Message ID: 406472
Jay Z was on the radio and he said Beyonce is the next Michael Jackson! Well, I have to say with songs like "Run the World (Girls)", I think not!

38
Off-Topic / Your opinions on Comcast???
« on: August 24, 2011, 10:17:16 pm »Message ID: 406470
Everyone always have something negative to say about Comcast Cable, I love onDemand! Is comcast hott or not????

39
Off-Topic / Parenting Advice - Tips Please????
« on: August 24, 2011, 10:11:56 pm »Message ID: 406469
My daughter is 2 years old and will not sleep in her own bed, any tips????

40
Off-Topic / Why shouldn't you wear white after labor day????
« on: August 24, 2011, 10:09:20 pm »Message ID: 406467
Fashion myths.

41
Off-Topic / Family Drama.....Help!!!!!!
« on: August 24, 2011, 10:01:10 pm »Message ID: 406466
Growing up in Michigan I became really close to my auntie because we are only 1.5 years apart. I never seen her as an auntie she was like a sister/best-friend.  :heart: So happens everything she did, I did and everything I did, she did. She got pregnant, I got pregnant later. I got married, she got married a month later. Then she moved to Texas chasing after her son's father and remained there for 2 years until I decided I was moving to Texas to be with her. I am here now! I been here for 1 year and 7 months. Now she is separated from her husband because she cheated and is living with her new boyfriend. Since he moved in with her I have not seen her, I maybe talked to her like once or twice in the last 2 months. I am afraid what will happen next!  :- I am not going to call her because I am not the one changing, its her. Plus I tried calling and she never picks up.  :bs:

42
Off-Topic / Who's your celebrity crush???
« on: August 24, 2011, 09:50:52 pm »Message ID: 406465
I have the biggest crush on Trey Songz the R&B singer, who would you like to date????

43
Off-Topic / Should I get a divorce????
« on: August 24, 2011, 09:48:35 pm »Message ID: 406464
My husband lies and lies, and I might add lies. The only time he tries to make me happy is when he knows I am fed-up! We have been together 7years, married for 2years, and have a 2year old daughter! How many times do you keep trying to make some work that is not working???? :BangHead:

44
Off-Topic / Post Your New Recipes
« on: August 24, 2011, 09:44:36 pm »Message ID: 406462
I am always cooking, I cook every day for dinner at least, I run out of recipes quick, I am looking for some new recipes....Do you have any????

45
Off-Topic / Sandou Trio russian bar, change their act in Americas got Talent, why?
« on: August 24, 2011, 09:42:16 pm »Message ID: 406460
Was it a good choice?

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