how do you teach a child to behave?

[Valerie1979]

having a few issues with my nearly 4 year old today
he doesn't seem to understand sometimes his own strength and that he can seriously HURT someone with his strength and determination

any suggestions?
we do spank and we do time outs
we have taken away "fun" things and making him go to bed early so he doesn't get to play with his toys..

how do we make sure he gets the message?

[workin4alivin]

consistency is the key ... it's hard one!  giving them kudo's for doing good things and talking (not screaming) when they do bad things.  explaining why it's bad and being consistent with the punishment, etc.

good luck ... mine are grown (praise the Lord!! chuckle) ... not saying i was always consistent, but when i was it worked much better than when i was all stressed out and NOT consistent!

[thetop31]

of course, something need to limit them, keep talking and tell them what is right what is wrong.

[gerard47]

spank them. im just playing but i use to get spank wheb i was a baby and that did me good, Just an idea

[marciaenglish]

Consistent behavior and always set an example.   

[lywb2168]

I agre consistency, talking praising and letting him know when you are dissapointed, if he does something wrong, tell him that you are very dissapointed in him that he knows better and the fact that he did it anyway makes you very sad and you think he does not love you anymore, sometimes that works.  Now out of all the punishments you have dones, which has seemed like the one that affects him the more?  taking away his toys? not letting him play with his friends?  keep track on the one that it is the most effective for him and increase the time of punish on that on.

When my now 13 years old was about 4, we had come back from a vacation trip to the beach and I asked her to put her clothes away, she instead took evertyhing out of her drawers sais she was going to fix them before, needles to say she did not and I told her that the neighborhood kids would come looking for them and either her room is clean or she would not go out, she though I was kidding and got really upset when I kept my word and she was not able to go out.  She has never again done anything that would cause her a grounding.  She learned her lesson

So watch for the punishment that hurts the more, if it is grounding him and not able to play with his friends then do that one for double the time and increased everytime he does it and DO NOT BACK DOWN FROM THE PUNISHMENT no matter how much you want to he will know how to play you.  Good Luck

[toyab25]

i have a child that always hit kids and fight me but when i got him a mentor he became very good and now in preschool and doesnt hit any one

[BK_Adores_Chase]

consistency,

[bjohnson16]

I can remember when my son was younger and we were running into problems with him.  I had done the time out and the taking things away.  I still was having problems.  I then read a book and went to a seminar by the auther.  The book was called Listen so children will talk and talk so children will listen.  When I got done I thought this will not work but I figured I would give it a try.  One thing was to set rules and follow thru all the time not just once and awhile.  Also respect is earned not given.  My son is older now and has learned that if bad behavior then there will be a reaction and he knows what that is going to be before the behavior happens so he has learned to think about if it is worth it.  But something else is to remember that they are still children and they are going to do things that are not the correct or best choices.  Something else did is not call it bad behavior we called it a bad choice and how we could have made a better choice.  Also remember that even when you are mad that screaming at them they are not going to listen to you.  Good luck

[derrick12480]

I don't have any kids but i do have a 4 year old nephew and i can tell you it's not easy to get them to listen. Especially when they have that low attention span going.

[healthfreedom]

by being an example yourself, discipline and love.

[lucky382001]

Be consistent with your rules and let him know it is because he broke the rules that he is being punished not because he is a bad boy. Kids will identify and live up to the labels you give them. Spanking doesn't work. It only shows him that if you are bigger you can hurt someone to make them do what you want. You can't punish by spanking if you don't want him to hit others. I tell them that in our house we do not hit each other. Time outs will work if you are consistent and use them fairly.

[Valerie1979]

thanks everyone!
We have been consitent with our punishment this week and he seems to be getting it loud and clear!

[AdamH1978]

spank them. im just playing but i use to get spank wheb i was a baby and that did me good, Just an idea

spare the rod and spoil the child as the Good Book says.  I got spanked and it probably did me good, kids today have far too little discipline.

[Valerie1979]

spank them. im just playing but i use to get spank wheb i was a baby and that did me good, Just an idea

spare the rod and spoil the child as the Good Book says.  I got spanked and it probably did me good, kids today have far too little discipline.

we are not afraid to spank - but I am a true believer that spanking LONG after the bad behavior won't help -- so if he misbehaves at school spanking 6 hours later may not have the same impact.