Is it wrong to want your 14 year old to be independent?

[lgemini]

I have a 14 year old daughter and I want her to be independent.  I want her to take the bus to her summer job.  I do not want her to call me to pick her up.  Some of my family members feel that I am hard on my daughter.  Please let me know that I am right about this.

[tashamjoy]

Yes I have to say so your 14 year old is just a kid!!! Kids grow up so quickly these days and your daughter is going to work the rest of her life i understand money is tight and you may need her to work but you do have to realize she is just a kid this is the time all she should be thinking about is what to where and what movie to go see, i am just saying she does not have much more time to just have fun but if this is just a summer job then thats ok to get some extra money but please just let her be a kid for the next few years !!!!

[diala84]

I think you have good intentions but maybe you are being a little hard on her. Having a job can be enough of a stress without also worrying about transportation especially at her age. Maybe you can make a compromise and you can pick her up a couple times a week and she can take the bus a couple times a week. That way you are helping her to gain independence but not cutting her off entirely. Soon enough she will be learning to drive and this probably won't be an issue anymore. Just remember she is still young and it will take time to transition give her time to develop at her own pace. Getting a job at 14 is much more independence than many other teens her age so consider yourself lucky. 

[alwaysinstyle]

well,it depends what you mean hard.
if this is only one thing and you ok with the rest she should be ok

[dreamongirl]

i think it depends on the distance. i didn't take the bus by myself until late high school. but i did walk home from middle school most of the time all three years.

[LenoraMinogue]

I agree with some of the others here. You seem to have the best intentions, and I applaud you for going to such lengths to encourage independence in your child. But at 14, it might be better, maybe even safer (depending on the time of day especially the child is taking the bus) to help provide transportation occassionally. I think maybe also staying in touch with your child's attitude and overt stress about the situation is a good way to keep this in check too. Independence is a great idea, but the work experience shouldn't be overly negative. That being said, I do think it's wonderful you're trying to help your child be independent, especially if that extends to other facets of the child's life. I remember being given a lot of independence when I was younger, and with that came responsibility, but also a lot of freedom, which I appreciated and most of the time respected. Good luck!

[Tresbn00]

I also have a fourteen year old daughter and get glazed eyes knowing that I only have four more years before she goes off to college.  She has been an absolute angel since she was born and makes me more proud with every day that I am able to hear about her adventures.  I hate the fact that I have to leave at seven in the morning, for work, and she has to walk half a block to take the bus one mile to school.  If I allow her to work it will be for a sports organization at times that I can drive her to and from work.  I guess I am the wrong person to talk to about daughters.

[cloudsoup]

i guess a decision like that for me, if i had
a daughter that age, would depend on the type
of person she was. thinking back to myself at that
age, i was rather shy and worrisome. i don't think
i could have handled taking the bus by myself.

what are her reasonings for not wanting to take
the bus? maybe it's scary for her and she's
embarrassed by that or something. like someone
else said, i think compromising would be a good
idea. she could pitch in for gas when she wants
you to drive her?

[raven1114]

i think that depends on a number of things such as how is her maturity level? has she ever taken the bus by herself before? how far would she have to go to get to the job and how many transfers would she have to make? how far is it from the job to the bus stop and how late early/late will she be working?

[mdsepsakos]

no!!! The earlier they learn the better in their adult life!

[loulizlee]

I think there may be a fine line between teaching a 14-year-old independence and making them feel you are abandoning them.  The fact she has a job shows some maturity.  Personally, I was an over-protective mother, I admit.  I was always worried about her, especially when she was a teenager.  She turned out fine!!

[Azanne07]

I dont think making her take the bus is being hard on her. I had to walk or ride the bike to get to work when I had a summer job while in high school. At least she gets to ride something.

[wittylance]

I am 19 and I understand you wanting her to be independant, but where I live a 14 old can't even get a job.  I think you wanting her to be independant isnt wrong but I would not want my child to ride a bus (especailly a girl) to go to work.  If you want her to be independant start off with some smaller things.  My mom had me ride the bus to school, I started doing my own laundry, I helped around the house.  I would say around 15 and a half when they are able to drive themselves who be ok.  I would be worried about all the creeps out there and if you live in a big city there are even more I woudl be worried about her safty.  I don't disagree with you but I do worry about your daughters safty, that is the most important thing please consider that.

[DanaWright]

My first thought was "yes" she should be independent but I wasn't sure HOW independent you meant. I want my 10 year old to be independent but more about getting his own stuff (including homework) ready for school and soccer and just taking more responsibility. He will be in junior high next year and he needs to do more little stuff on his own instead of relying on Mom. So that's what we are working on this 5th grade year.

[willow80834]

wow  with all the wack jobs on the bus  I sure wouldnt want my 14 yr old daughter riding the bus alone....   SCARYYYyyyyyyyyy