How long should someone date until getting engaged?

[MichelleHW101]

My younger brother’s best friend just recently purposed to his girlfriend.  I told my brother, “if he didn’t do by now then she should leave him.”  After all they’ve been dating for seven years with the last five of those years living together.  I believe if someone is dating that long and hasn’t done it yet I don’t think they ever will.  My younger brother purposed to his girlfriend after dating her for only six months and shortly moved in together after that.  This October will be their fourth year anniversary and they have a two year old.  It clearly is working for them, but personally I think six months is too soon.  My older brother dated his girlfriend for a whole year after actually being friends with her for a couple years before that.  I personally think 3 to 5 years at tops is the safest bet.  If you don’t know you wanna spend the rest of your life with someone after five years of getting to know them then I doubt you ever will.  What do you think?

[lizandhobbes]

I think it's a personal choice and not something that "should" be done.  People marry or don't marry for a lot of reasons and I think the divorce rate speaks for itself.  Saying someone "should" get married is ludicrous and old-fashioned.  My honey and i have been together 17 years with no plans to get married.  But guess what, we are happier than a lot of our married friends.  We've also seen a lot of our friends get married and divorced.  We still act like two teenagers in love and I'm 40 and he's 51 years old.

[lizandhobbes]

By the way, I think you can choose to "spend the rest of your life with someone" without getting engaged.

[marciaenglish]

I totally agree!  Even though I am married myself.  I was divorced over 20 years and vowed never to remarry!  But; my husband who is over 65 and never married, made it seem so important to him!  I have never regretted a moment!

[Skyisbluetoday]

I think it's a personal choice, and if they both agree. I would spend some time with a person first, before getting married. 

[deisha718]

It's up to you.  However it is VERY crucial to get to know the person as much as you can before you decide to marry them.

[mintopewku]

I think it is a personal choice as well as a choice that age matters.  I've seen people stay in a relationship for years without getting engaged.  In my experience these individuals were still considered young.  Certainly family and friends pictured them getting married one day, but with school and work just beginning no one was going to rush them.  
I also think people are scared to be another divorced couple, and if that is an issue in either's mind, the couple should wait.  
I do agree that sometimes, if the couple doesn't discuss their feelings of marriage or legalized unions, that after a period of time, one should move on.  I read once that if after 2 years you are not sure if you'd want to be with a person for the rest of your life to start dating other people again.  3 years might be okay, but I think that just depends on if a person wants to get married & have kids etc.  I'm 28, if I started dating someone and 3 years later still wasn't married and had to start the process again...the kid option is going to get harder.  
For me, I dated my husband for about 6 months before we got engaged.  We just knew we were going to be together and the time didn't matter.
Overall, if a girl wants to get married, she should be honest about it with the guy.  If he doesn't, decide what's more important....being married or being with him.

[hmcmill3]

Personally, I think it should be based totally on what you think is long enough or too long, or whatever. If you really love someone it doesn't really make a difference. However, if you are with someone and you think that they should have proposed to you by now then you should talk to them about it. Marriage shouldn't be something that you are afraid of talking about with the person you love, and if they are scared or uneasy, don't be mad, that is a normal reaction for some people to feel. My husband proposed to me after 3 months of dating, and I was terrified. I said yes, then no, then I don't know, then yes again. I had been married before, and I didn't want to rush into anything. I am happy that I did though. We get along great, and I can talk to him about anything. We don't have any secrets between us, and we don't hide anything that we are thinking or feeling from each other. We both understand that it is easier to just say what you feel even if it hurts the other person for a second, instead of holding it in and causing issues later. The amount of time that you should wait is the amount of time that is comfortable for you.  

[Joeyramone]

Definitely a personal choice. However, after a number of years together with one or both not willing to take the next step we can assume the indecisiveness is for a reason.

[melinder]

I think that it is a personal choice. I have friends that got married after less than a yr and are still going strong.

[lizandhobbes]

Definitely a personal choice. However, after a number of years together with one or both not willing to take the next step we can assume the indecisiveness is for a reason.

Sometimes people decide not to get married for various reasons.  Other people may view it as indecisiveness but really, it IS a decision.  It all depends on how well the couple communicates.  People are judgmental of what they see and think goes on in a relationship, but there's always more to the story.

[foxylady81]

with most people I know they are married with in 6 weeks to 6 months. I belive some people just dosent belive in marriage anymore. I dated my and lived with my husband 2 years before we married but that is me my fist husband was a year and my second was 3 months this one 2 years so it really is up to the person.

[moomabean]

My fiancee and I got engaged after only dating for a about a month. He was separated from his first wife for almost a year when we got together. We have been together for almost 16 years now. We have never been legally married; still engaged, but since it has been so long, we say we're married. It's just not on paper and have never forked over the tons of money for a ceremony and reception.

[Tere2]

I was worried my son was getting married too soon. They hadn't even know each other a year when they got married. She lived in OK, and he lived in TX. Most of their time together was on the phone. (should have seen those bills. Anyway, in August, they will be married 14 years so you can't ever tell.

[demaina]

It really all depends.  Not everyone is out to get married.  If both involved don't want to get married, that's their choice.  Now, if one wants to get married and the other doesn't, then I would recommend the one wishing to get married go find another person after so many years.  If someone doesn't want to get married, it isn't right to sorta force them into it.  However, you really can't tell time wise cause it varies from person to person in my opinion.

As far as how long before getting married, again that depends, but I would recommend at least 2+ years.  Generally that's enough time for people to sorta let their guard down and let the other see them for who they truly are.