~* Humorous and Funny Quotes *~

[bigfoot951]

"To quit drinking is the easiest thing I have ever done.  I must have done it a thousand times."  Albert Einstein.

[plennis]

If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel   

[DeliriousKris]

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
Joan Rivers

[reiddb]

My family is like fudge, mostly sweet.....with a few nuts. =)

[Skyenkit]

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems,
 I'm tired of solving them for you.

[DeliriousKris]

Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.
Jerry Seinfeld

[DeliriousKris]

Food, love, career, and mothers, the four major guilt groups.
Cathy Guisewite

[DeliriousKris]

Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.
Bill Maher

[DeliriousKris]

I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.
Robert Benchley

[DeliriousKris]

My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
Spike Milligan

[DeliriousKris]

Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.
Bill Maher

[6265AT99]

Those are both "humorous and funny" - thanks!!!

[DeliriousKris]

Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.
Anthony Burgess

[DeliriousKris]

People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.
Ellen DeGeneres

[DeliriousKris]

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?
Lily Tomlin