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aggie49

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why do people lie
« on: July 19, 2013, 05:58:05 pm »
i was thought not to lie and i have kept that with me my whole life but i know people who lie and when you catch them they swear there not lying i don't see what they get out of it it just drive's me nuts

Sciolaro

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Re: why do people lie
« Reply #1 on: July 20, 2013, 08:16:31 am »

msmoneybags48

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Re: why do people lie
« Reply #2 on: July 20, 2013, 08:49:55 am »
People lie because they are crafty at it.  They figure they will never get caught.  My ex-husband's mother said this about him, and it turned out to be true:  "He lies so much, a cat could lick his a**."  He had a lie for everything.  He told me he was dying of cancer.  He told me he was born in 1947, and when it turned out to be 1944, he still stuck to it.  He told the authorities he was cleaning a window; only thing was, we lived on the 5th floor.  None of this was true, and the lies went on and on. :icon_rr: :wave:

oldbuddy

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Re: why do people lie
« Reply #3 on: July 20, 2013, 09:14:02 am »
All I can say is I was taught if you never tell a lie, you won't need to remember what you said.

hotcocoa

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Re: why do people lie
« Reply #4 on: July 20, 2013, 10:04:39 am »
Lies are a useless waste of time and you always get caught in the "web of deceit"  Lies seem to build once you start and it's hard to get back to honesty.  It's always easier to be honest and deal with the consequences. ;)

countrygirl12

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Re: why do people lie
« Reply #5 on: July 20, 2013, 02:48:19 pm »
Sometimes people "think" someone else is lying and "think" they have caught them in a lie when in reality there are things they don't know and the person really isn't lying.  I have been accused of lying because somebody said I done something and swears they saw me when in reality it is them who is telling the lie. 

meg0694

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Re: why do people lie
« Reply #6 on: July 20, 2013, 03:01:53 pm »
People lie out of fear. 

loulizlee

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Re: why do people lie
« Reply #7 on: July 20, 2013, 05:06:49 pm »
Some people are pathological liars.  They wouldn't know the truth if it smacked them in the face.

luvh8tragedy87

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Re: why do people lie
« Reply #8 on: July 20, 2013, 05:12:40 pm »
Sometimes people lie because they may be ashamed of what they did or said. Or they don't want to hurt someone's feelings.

countrygirl12

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Re: why do people lie
« Reply #9 on: July 21, 2013, 03:18:38 pm »
Sometimes people lie because they may be ashamed of what they did or said. Or they don't want to hurt someone's feelings.

Some questions do not need to be asked.  Several years ago I worked in a restaurant and we had an employee meeting that morning.  After the meeting we had about an hour before we opened so me and another girl went to Burger King to get some breakfast.  This girl was hugely over weight.  I knew it.  She knew it.  Everyone knew it.
Don't ask do you think I am fat if you weigh 350 pounds.  I mean come on.  Anyway.  She asked and I was nice.  I said "well I won't say you are fat but it wouldn't hurt you to loose some weight".  She went back to work and cried and told everyone what I said and they all got mad at me.  She also neglected to tell them SHE ASKED ME DO I LOOK FAT.  I didn't just randomly make that comment to her.  Guess I should have lied and said uh no sure you are skinny. lol

oldbuddy

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Re: why do people lie
« Reply #10 on: July 21, 2013, 06:35:13 pm »
Sometimes people lie because they may be ashamed of what they did or said. Or they don't want to hurt someone's feelings.

Some questions do not need to be asked.  Several years ago I worked in a restaurant and we had an employee meeting that morning.  After the meeting we had about an hour before we opened so me and another girl went to Burger King to get some breakfast.  This girl was hugely over weight.  I knew it.  She knew it.  Everyone knew it.
Don't ask do you think I am fat if you weigh 350 pounds.  I mean come on.  Anyway.  She asked and I was nice.  I said "well I won't say you are fat but it wouldn't hurt you to loose some weight".  She went back to work and cried and told everyone what I said and they all got mad at me.  She also neglected to tell them SHE ASKED ME DO I LOOK FAT.  I didn't just randomly make that comment to her.  Guess I should have lied and said uh no sure you are skinny. lol

Maybe you could say, "I'm not stepping into that one".

bob1tina

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Re: why do people lie
« Reply #11 on: July 21, 2013, 07:15:48 pm »
Why people think they have to lie, Well I don't know. People just do maybe they think it will help them is some way.  They could be hiding something.

mjoseph1

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Re: why do people lie
« Reply #12 on: July 21, 2013, 09:09:00 pm »
people do things for various reasons, i was taught don't waste your time trying to figure out why and you'll save yourself a headache, lies seem like too much work for  :dontknow:

samjehlik

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Re: why do people lie
« Reply #13 on: July 21, 2013, 09:26:57 pm »
If you are truthful in a relationship, nothing hurts more than hearing a lie from your partner; sometimes knowing the truth may hurt even more, yet still, in the longer run, a lie causes more damage than truth. Mark Twain once said, "If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything."

Lying is not as simple as telling the truth versus falsifying it. It is deeper than that. It is not always about distortion or non disclosure of facts, it may well be about creating a whole new set of truths that only the liar knows of. Today, I reflect on an interesting topic: why do people lie?

It appears some lie for no reason at all, while many lie with great reasoning, some lie for a cause, and many build a cause to lie. It is not always about the flip side of truth. Sometimes, a lie stands on its own two feet. Upon deep examination, you will find that lying is a complex act, a complicated aspect of one's personality, it is more than a habit, almost a natural human trait. Here are the three primary causes of telling lies, they are not mutually exclusive:

1. To hide information
Anything or any relationship that can be labeled comes with a set of expectations. Whether you are a teacher, student, husband, wife, CEO, manager, son, daughter, friend and so forth, anyone at all, living in the society, you are expected to behave in a certain manner. When you traverse the boundaries, you are suddenly out there in the open, unprotected and vulnerable. You have to protect yourself now, you have to safeguard the expectations and save your relationship.

If you hide the information, if no one gets to know you crossed the line, if you are perceived to be within the bounds, treading only the thoroughfare, you continue to be a functional artefact of the social apparatus. It leads to a temporary sense of peace, a sense of match, of fitting in the society. You just bought yourself time, you did not have to put up with the arguments that might have taken place had you shared the truth. You did not have to hurt the sentiments or trust of the other person by covering up your truth. This is the foremost cause of lying. People lie because they want to avoid confrontation and conflict. Lying becomes the easier route.

2. A matter of habit
Often pursuing the first one, that is, hiding information, one gets into the habit of lying. When you repeatedly do the same thing over and over again, it becomes your habit. Perfection, carelessness, lack of detail or attention to detail etcetera are all habits as are telling the truth and lying. The habit of lying is formed, like many other habits, right from the childhood. Why? It must trace back to certain incidents during their early years or the atmosphere at home where speaking truth mostly ended up in an unpleasant conflict and undue scolding. When parents start to behave like kids too, it gives their children a strong reason to lie. By lying, they feel safe. However, this becomes their habit, their coping mechanism, their strategy to put up with all undesirable situations later on in their own lives. Unfortunate. It is incredibly hard to break the habit of lying.

Like many other habits of smoking, drinking, punctuality and so on, children also pick up lying from their parents, other elders and peers. If you lie frequently, do not be harsh on your children expecting them to tell the truth. They will not follow what you tell them to do, they will follow what you do yourself. In other words, they do not learn from your instructions but actions. If this is how they see you living, it is but natural that they will follow suit.

When lying becomes a habit, it leads to one of the two outcomes, and both are not mutually exclusive: the liar becomes fidgety with a wavering mind, or, they become aggressive with a depressed mind. Constant lying puts a tremendous burden on them to remember, to protect information, to bear the load of false information, to live the false identity. Over time, impatience, aggression, withdrawal, artificiality, depression, self doubt, low self-esteem, insecurity and the rest find a permanent home in the mind of a liar.

3. To gain attention
This third reason comes with a powerful revelation. It can help one gain attention, respect, power. When someone lies to you about an incident where he was the only witness, he now has access to information that no one else does. He has just created a new truth. Exclusive information naturally leads to greater power and more attention. It was not just greed that triggered the greatest corporate scandals in the world, it was also about an inherent, an innate, an obtuse sense of gaining more power and control.

I remember reading stories of a certain hunter during my childhood. This hunter would come to the village and make up stories on how he gallantly killed a lion with his fists alone, or courageously wasted a bear with just a small knife and so forth. All the villagers would gather around him to listen to his fascinating, if not fantastical, accounts of valor and bravery. He got attention and respect. If this formula works for the liar, he continues to lie till eternity.

There are some who live a life of lies, there are many who justify their lies, it is even possible for some to protect their lies, however, it comes at the cost of their inner peace. They may not lose relationships or respect, they will, sooner or later, be robbed of their inner peace, however.

So, if you want your partner, your child, or your friend to tell you the truth, if that is important to you, you had better encourage an atmosphere conducive to truth. If you are going to pounce upon hearing a confession, that may well be the last time you will ever hear a truthful version. It is for this reason, forgiveness is considered a divine virtue. Because by forgiving not only are you strengthening yourself and your relationship but also making a difference to the life of the other person and subsequent generations.

Next time you feel like reacting to someone's lie, just take a moment and look within you. A realization may dawn and you may find it easy to forgive the other person. On the other hand, if you are the one telling lies, just remember the price is paid in peace and bliss. Truth is bold by nature, and lie, arrogant. The former instills courage, the latter, fear. Truth stems from inner strength, and lie, from the inability to gain such strength.

vp44

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Re: why do people lie
« Reply #14 on: July 22, 2013, 12:21:20 am »
If you are truthful in a relationship, nothing hurts more than hearing a lie from your partner; sometimes knowing the truth may hurt even more, yet still, in the longer run, a lie causes more damage than truth. Mark Twain once said, "If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything."

Lying is not as simple as telling the truth versus falsifying it. It is deeper than that. It is not always about distortion or non disclosure of facts, it may well be about creating a whole new set of truths that only the liar knows of. Today, I reflect on an interesting topic: why do people lie?

It appears some lie for no reason at all, while many lie with great reasoning, some lie for a cause, and many build a cause to lie. It is not always about the flip side of truth. Sometimes, a lie stands on its own two feet. Upon deep examination, you will find that lying is a complex act, a complicated aspect of one's personality, it is more than a habit, almost a natural human trait. Here are the three primary causes of telling lies, they are not mutually exclusive:

1. To hide information
Anything or any relationship that can be labeled comes with a set of expectations. Whether you are a teacher, student, husband, wife, CEO, manager, son, daughter, friend and so forth, anyone at all, living in the society, you are expected to behave in a certain manner. When you traverse the boundaries, you are suddenly out there in the open, unprotected and vulnerable. You have to protect yourself now, you have to safeguard the expectations and save your relationship.

If you hide the information, if no one gets to know you crossed the line, if you are perceived to be within the bounds, treading only the thoroughfare, you continue to be a functional artefact of the social apparatus. It leads to a temporary sense of peace, a sense of match, of fitting in the society. You just bought yourself time, you did not have to put up with the arguments that might have taken place had you shared the truth. You did not have to hurt the sentiments or trust of the other person by covering up your truth. This is the foremost cause of lying. People lie because they want to avoid confrontation and conflict. Lying becomes the easier route.

2. A matter of habit
Often pursuing the first one, that is, hiding information, one gets into the habit of lying. When you repeatedly do the same thing over and over again, it becomes your habit. Perfection, carelessness, lack of detail or attention to detail etcetera are all habits as are telling the truth and lying. The habit of lying is formed, like many other habits, right from the childhood. Why? It must trace back to certain incidents during their early years or the atmosphere at home where speaking truth mostly ended up in an unpleasant conflict and undue scolding. When parents start to behave like kids too, it gives their children a strong reason to lie. By lying, they feel safe. However, this becomes their habit, their coping mechanism, their strategy to put up with all undesirable situations later on in their own lives. Unfortunate. It is incredibly hard to break the habit of lying.

Like many other habits of smoking, drinking, punctuality and so on, children also pick up lying from their parents, other elders and peers. If you lie frequently, do not be harsh on your children expecting them to tell the truth. They will not follow what you tell them to do, they will follow what you do yourself. In other words, they do not learn from your instructions but actions. If this is how they see you living, it is but natural that they will follow suit.

When lying becomes a habit, it leads to one of the two outcomes, and both are not mutually exclusive: the liar becomes fidgety with a wavering mind, or, they become aggressive with a depressed mind. Constant lying puts a tremendous burden on them to remember, to protect information, to bear the load of false information, to live the false identity. Over time, impatience, aggression, withdrawal, artificiality, depression, self doubt, low self-esteem, insecurity and the rest find a permanent home in the mind of a liar.

3. To gain attention
This third reason comes with a powerful revelation. It can help one gain attention, respect, power. When someone lies to you about an incident where he was the only witness, he now has access to information that no one else does. He has just created a new truth. Exclusive information naturally leads to greater power and more attention. It was not just greed that triggered the greatest corporate scandals in the world, it was also about an inherent, an innate, an obtuse sense of gaining more power and control.

I remember reading stories of a certain hunter during my childhood. This hunter would come to the village and make up stories on how he gallantly killed a lion with his fists alone, or courageously wasted a bear with just a small knife and so forth. All the villagers would gather around him to listen to his fascinating, if not fantastical, accounts of valor and bravery. He got attention and respect. If this formula works for the liar, he continues to lie till eternity.

There are some who live a life of lies, there are many who justify their lies, it is even possible for some to protect their lies, however, it comes at the cost of their inner peace. They may not lose relationships or respect, they will, sooner or later, be robbed of their inner peace, however.

So, if you want your partner, your child, or your friend to tell you the truth, if that is important to you, you had better encourage an atmosphere conducive to truth. If you are going to pounce upon hearing a confession, that may well be the last time you will ever hear a truthful version. It is for this reason, forgiveness is considered a divine virtue. Because by forgiving not only are you strengthening yourself and your relationship but also making a difference to the life of the other person and subsequent generations.

Next time you feel like reacting to someone's lie, just take a moment and look within you. A realization may dawn and you may find it easy to forgive the other person. On the other hand, if you are the one telling lies, just remember the price is paid in peace and bliss. Truth is bold by nature, and lie, arrogant. The former instills courage, the latter, fear. Truth stems from inner strength, and lie, from the inability to gain such strength.
Actually I do not think anyone can rationalize another person's behavior to lie. Like this person written all this stuff but failed key pieces of information which is if your being held against your will and you have no choice but to lie about anything to get away like in a act of rape you lie to your abuser because it may just be able to help you get free or a abusive partner or maybe your in presence of a suicide person and you may lie to help in a situation that may might save their life. I read some where Lies are friends you haven't met yet. :-X :-X  Who knows.

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