My son's Girlfriend ? I need advice

[marcar1008]

My feelings are all messed up ! My son picks up his FIRST girlfriend (my son is only 14 years old) I give her a ride home from school. I talked to her grandma asking her for permission to come visit. I give her grandma my phone number for emergency just in case.

When I get home in about an hour and a half, she calls and starts telling me to be careful with her granddaughter. She is bipolar and addicted to SEX ! OMG and along with that she has a contagious disease she got from her 19 yr old ex-boyfriend !  the lady didn't sound like she was telling me this to protect her granddaughter from my son. She was actually warning me so my son doesn't get in trouble! The girl was actually taking some medication.

Now what ? I told my son he has to confront her and ask her what's is going on.  Told him to be gentle. Tell her maybe you all can be friends and date now and then. I don't want him breaking her heart. Then she is bipolar, what if she gets very depressed and God prohibit what she would do to herself . . . . 

I think she should of told my son about her problem before she even said YES to him 

My son asks, so mom will she ever have a boyfriend? Will she get cured?

I know my son is NOT in love with her. He feels loved by a girl who tells him he is cute and loves to play with his hair. I told him he first have to get to know the girls first before he makes any move on them.

Please HELP ! What do you all think ?

[reiddb]

I'd say get him out of that relationship IMMEDIATELY because she needs PROFESSIONAL help and he will, without a doubt, suffer from this relationship if he has anything to do with her. 

[autumnsparklemom]

Though bi-polar and an addiction can sound scary - if treated correctly it doesn't have to be so shocking. I myself have a mental illness (depression and panic attacks) and it is just that - an illness. Let your son be friends with her at school and let it be that. They don't have to date. Does the grandmother have full guardianship of the grand-daughter? If so, she may be getting the grand-daughter the help she needs. Depending on what kind of disease she has, it depends on if she will ever be cured. And 14 is a tad young to be in a serious relationship. Good Luck.

[melissaotto1982]

I would tell him there us lots of others out there that wont come with all the baggage.  Sorry I dont want that to sou d harsh but hes only 14 and shouldnt have to deal with those things yet in life.

[kimber62372]

Sounds like your son is a smart boy and probably does not want to get involved with a girl like that. It's unfortunate but thank God her Grandmother took the time to call you and tell you such personal things regarding her granddaughter.

If your son truly enjoys her company, he can tell her nicely that he really does not have time for a girlfriend but would like to be friends and still hang out or something to that effect. I'm sure it will work itself out. Leave it in God's hands and he shall prevail!

[linderlizzie]

He's 14. Nuff said. He should not be dating one on one. He should never be allowed to be alone with her or any other girl. If she is already sexually experienced, they would do the deed eventually.

Young men and women should get to know one another before actually dating. They can get to know one another by being in group situations. That is a safe situation that protects them while helping them begin to learn how to treat the opposite sex in healthy ways. Having sex before marriage is never a good idea. It should be saved for marriage so that it's a special bond between two married people. It's a tremendously strong bond that should be savored and nurtured. 

This poor girl's psychological condition is way beyond what he should be getting himself into at this point. I hope she gets some professional help and soon. Tell your son for his own good, you have to put your foot down and make him wait. He should wait until he's older. He needs to know himself first and foremost. He needs protection and you're his mother.  This is not a time to be wishy washy and tentative.

[gkaps]

Yikes tough position to be in........I would slowly break it to her.

[tikihut5]

Yikes. I second what kimber62372 and linderlizzie said.

[ktheodos]

sounds like a complex situation

[kingozzy]

Yikes, that's a tough one.  I'd be honest with him and pray that he doesn't get upset and listens to you

[bowrunner]

Somehow you need to get him out of this relationship.  I hope he will listen to you.  He doesn't need to be with a girl that had a previous boyfriend that old even without all of problems she evidently has.  He is in over his head. Good luck with him whatever you decide to do.

[mrrangerrick]

Yeah, what linderlizzie said. He's 14, there's no need to rush into anything, especially if he's not "in love" with her.

[countrygirl12]

Most people who have mental problems are not going to tell a person they just started dating.  I would be more afraid of what she would do to my son.  And in the girl's defense - if at that young of an age she is addicted to sex then it is some adult in her family's fault.

[Penwoir]

My son is nearly 11 and from what you've said, I don't want him dating anyone before 16 (and preferably 18). And by dating, I mean that in the most purest sense of the word. For instance, he will be allowed to go to the movies, have someone round for a meal, go for a walk in the park, and that's it! There will be no shenanigans of any sort whilst he lives under my roof! Also, if there is a question of someone's mental stability, I would hope to meet them and work them out before any dating can occur.

[heypeg]

Sounds a little dangerous, not something I would want my son involved with.