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Topic: Heart broken  (Read 8084 times)

countrygirl12

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Re: Heart broken
« Reply #60 on: May 30, 2016, 04:10:11 pm »
Without going into detail my daughter cheated on her husband. He found out first by mistake before I even said anything to him. My daughter is 38 and her husband is 53 and we don't get along one bit. He wrote me one day and said that he hopes that I die and after reading that I went and told him exactly what my daughter and this other man did. well since then all hell broke lose and she told me that I should have stayed loyal to her and not say anything to her husband. Her birthday was yesterday and I emailed her a HAPPY BIRTHDAY and that was ignored.....last week I asked her a simple question through and email and she came back with an attitude and so I will admit that after almost a year of being ignored by her I wrote her back saying that "I wish I never had her" and some other mean things (all out of anger) she writes back " what kind of mother talks to their child that way" UGH...she will NOT own up to her wrong doing...she emailed me the other day calling me an idiot, told me to stay out of her life and to never call or email her again....I give up on her and at this point I don't care if I EVER see her again...thank you for letting me vent....I just want to say that over the year I have apologized to her many times over and she doesn't want to hear it....in her mind I wasn't "loyal" to her so she hates me now !!

Wow.  I may have missed this in another post you made but why would he tell you he hoped you die and then you tell him what your daughter done?    I assume this ended her marriage?  She is in the wrong.  If she loved her husband she would not have cheated on him.  She cheated and she got caught and she doesn't want to accept responsibility so she is blaming you.  I can understand you miss the grand kids.  At this point it doesn't look like there is a lot you can do.  I am curious as to how old the kids are?  Do they have Facebook?  All you can do is wait until they are older and maybe try to contact them and tell your side.  But you do not know what your daughter has said about you.  I have had people decide they didn't like me before they even met me because they were basically poisoned against me before we actually met.  That would make more sense with more details that I can't explain right at the moment. :D

countrygirl12

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Re: Heart broken
« Reply #61 on: May 30, 2016, 04:23:51 pm »
My daughter who is 38 wont talk to me and hasn't for a while now, I miss her and my 3 Grandkids. When ever I send her an email she never writes back to me. Should I just give up and let her contact me when she's ready? I sign my emails ....Mom, I love you...please give me some advice ! :(

STOP EMAILING- when did we become so dependent on the digital way of communication. If you want to reconcile with your daughter, get your butt over to her house and make it work.

It sounds like she lives in another state.  And if someone hates you and does not want to see you then going to their house is a mistake.  If she shows up at her house then the daughter can have her arrested if she so chooses.  We live in a digital age.  There is nothing wrong with emailing or texting as a way of communication.  And she cannot MAKE it work if her daughter doesn't want it to. 

That is kind of like a few years ago when I was dating a guy and I broke up with him and he wants to "make it work" but I didn't.  He could do nothing but move on or go to jail. 

We are hearing one side of this and from a person we have talked to on here for quite some time and usually people tend to believe or take the side of the one they hear first.  I do not agree with cateyes1 telling the son in law about the affair to get even because he said something hurtful to her.  I do agree if she was having an affair he needed to know.  I would have found a different way to let him know.

cateyes- you told a little of the mean things you said to your daughter to hurt her back because of what she  was saying to you.  At this point I think you should back off.  You are only making things worse.  I would give it a rest for a while.  Then either email or send a physical letter (maybe even have someone else mail it so she will open it) and explain that things have gotten out of hand and you are sorry and you do not want things to end like this.  Tell her you would like to work things out.  That you both have said and done things that were hurtful, mean, etc.  Tell her you are sorry for your part and ask if she is willing to try to work out the relationship.  Tell her you will await her reply.  If you hear nothing you will take that to mean she doesn't want you in her life and that you will leave her alone.  And then do that.  You cannot make her forgive you or have anything to do with you.  At this point if you keep pushing you are only making it worse.  You obviously knew about this affair for quite some time and you kept her secret.  So outting her just to make him mad was not the right thing to do.  I can understand why she is upset.  If you were going to tell him you should have done it when it first started.


cateyes1

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Re: Heart broken
« Reply #62 on: May 31, 2016, 08:45:09 am »
Hi Countrygirl. you're right I shouldn't have said ANYTHING about her affair. I did for a long while keep her secret until due to her own mistake he found out so he already knew about the affair. Its just that she told her husband that all they did was talk. After him saying to me "I hope you die" and for other mean things he's said to me and others about me, well I said the gloves are off and told him EVERYTHING my daughter and the other guy did. Her husband and I haven't gotten along for years and NOONE in the family can stand him so this was all building up inside me and after that comment I just lost it. I know it was probably immature on my part and I should have stayed loyal to my daughter but I knew the truth would hurt him and I didn't give a darn because all that he has put me through over the years....I guess it is KARMA biting me in the butt for say something to him....I know for a fact that she didn't change her email to and is getting every one of mine. You would have to know this guy to understand where I am coming from, I would bet that you wouldn't even like him....His Mom passed a few years back and he had her cremated, he one day said to me while he was here "well I have to go and see my mother in her box" he is a very uncaring, uncompassionate, JERK. NOONE can understand what my daughter even see's in him. And your right, if she did TRULY love him she would have NEVER cheated but I know for a fact that after having 3 kids with him she feels stuck.....thank you for your comments....oh and they are still together and my grandkids are 14, 11, and 3 ....I gave up on her
« Last Edit: May 31, 2016, 08:58:59 am by cateyes1 »

ghunter

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Re: Heart broken
« Reply #63 on: May 31, 2016, 11:07:57 am »
It is ashamed that your daughter will not speak to you, you are still her mother no matter what.  She have a child so what comes around will come around.

cateyes1

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Re: Heart broken
« Reply #64 on: May 31, 2016, 12:46:49 pm »
It is ashamed that your daughter will not speak to you, you are still her mother no matter what.  She have a child so what comes around will come around.

I'm hoping her daughter for one reason or another stops talking to her one day, they are close like we were once upon a time. I can tell you now she would be devastated i'm sure.

countrygirl12

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Re: Heart broken
« Reply #65 on: May 31, 2016, 05:34:10 pm »
Hi Countrygirl. you're right I shouldn't have said ANYTHING about her affair. I did for a long while keep her secret until due to her own mistake he found out so he already knew about the affair. Its just that she told her husband that all they did was talk. After him saying to me "I hope you die" and for other mean things he's said to me and others about me, well I said the gloves are off and told him EVERYTHING my daughter and the other guy did. Her husband and I haven't gotten along for years and NOONE in the family can stand him so this was all building up inside me and after that comment I just lost it. I know it was probably immature on my part and I should have stayed loyal to my daughter but I knew the truth would hurt him and I didn't give a darn because all that he has put me through over the years....I guess it is KARMA biting me in the butt for say something to him....I know for a fact that she didn't change her email to and is getting every one of mine. You would have to know this guy to understand where I am coming from, I would bet that you wouldn't even like him....His Mom passed a few years back and he had her cremated, he one day said to me while he was here "well I have to go and see my mother in her box" he is a very uncaring, uncompassionate, JERK. NOONE can understand what my daughter even see's in him. And your right, if she did TRULY love him she would have NEVER cheated but I know for a fact that after having 3 kids with him she feels stuck.....thank you for your comments....oh and they are still together and my grandkids are 14, 11, and 3 ....I gave up on her

I am guessing you are probably right.  I probably would not like him.  I like how you eek these details out little by little. haha.  So he already knew.  Chances are he knew they done more than talk.  I can understand when you got to going you said more than you probably meant to.  Most everyone has done that.  I honestly don't know what to tell you.  At those ages esp the older ones there is no telling what the kids have been told.  And your daughter may have told them you lied.  And that she really did not do anything.    It is a tough situation.  I would cool it for a while and then do what I said.  Send her an email and a physical letter.  Then leave it up to her.  Here is the thing though you have to forgive her.  You have sincerely apologized.  You have tried.  If you won't forgive man then God will not forgive you.  You need to forgive her and even though it may hurt move forward with your life.  If you give it a couple months with NO contacting her and make one final attempt and she rejects that then she will have to live with that.  And she will regret it one day.  : (

I wish you good luck and hope that you can work things out. 

I am actually seeing a similar situation in that a daughter is refusing to speak to her mom.  She is mad at her over something that her mom had no control over.  It's a long story.  Anyway, here is the thing... "I" know that her mother has previously had cancer.  The cancer may be back and there is a chance it is all over her.  I am not sure if the daughter knows this info or not.  But I am wondering if she would still be petty and refusing to speak to her mother if she knew she could be gone in 6 months. 

We are never have the promise of another day.  : (

Hope you have a good night.  : )

Rahmanh

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Re: Heart broken
« Reply #66 on: May 31, 2016, 08:33:45 pm »
Why she doesn't want to talk to you?

tuyetmai

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Re: Heart broken
« Reply #67 on: May 31, 2016, 10:11:48 pm »
Sometime people don't go check email offen.  Try to call her or send her an post card.  I think she will get over it.  Just keep hoping.

Getinonthis

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Re: Heart broken
« Reply #68 on: May 31, 2016, 10:14:11 pm »
After apologizing, if you don't get a respond then just keep being grandma and trust God that she
will adapt to your better values.
"Make the most of every opportunity"

cateyes1

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Re: Heart broken
« Reply #69 on: June 01, 2016, 03:07:10 am »
Thank you everyone. I apologized to her many times and still NOTHING. She knows my number so i'm just going to wait and see if she ever contacts me again but I doubt it. my loss :(

alaskakaren

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Re: Heart broken
« Reply #70 on: June 01, 2016, 03:18:29 am »
Sorry that is happening...most things people do is because of their own issues...that probably doesn't help...but I liked what someone said...leave the door open...

cateyes1

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Re: Heart broken
« Reply #71 on: June 01, 2016, 03:38:34 am »
Sorry that is happening...most things people do is because of their own issues...that probably doesn't help...but I liked what someone said...leave the door open...

Thank you, the door is wide open, and yes that helped :)

makeblessed

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Re: Heart broken
« Reply #72 on: June 01, 2016, 04:54:01 am »
It is difficult to say without knowing the circumstances that led to her not communicating; however I would stay the course as you are doing and keep the  door open, she knows you are interested/concerned and perhaps she will make the decision to walk back through the door. I thope things work out.

cateyes1

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Re: Heart broken
« Reply #73 on: June 01, 2016, 05:14:27 am »
It is difficult to say without knowing the circumstances that led to her not communicating; however I would stay the course as you are doing and keep the  door open, she knows you are interested/concerned and perhaps she will make the decision to walk back through the door. I thope things work out.

Thank you so much. I did explain it all on this topic if you want to look through it :)

countrygirl12

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Re: Heart broken
« Reply #74 on: June 02, 2016, 03:54:01 pm »
Why she doesn't want to talk to you?


Have you even read the comments?

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