Would you? Could you?

[sdenimandlace1]

You are not a bad mom, you need to take care of your self first.

[alice44]

NO -It Makes You A God Mom.  You have a right to your own life and finances and they need to take their own responsibility.  Even if it means being homeless for a while.  It's the mistakes we make in life that grow us up and teach us to be more responsible.

[ngorecki]

I do guess it depends on the situation. that would be hard to do.

[timvolley]

Sometimes you just need to  let kids solve their own problems.

[vickysue]

I wa so lucky to have  sons who were  tuned into to working and supporting themselves.  Sadly the young one who had his life all planned out  when he was  17 died in  horrible  car wreck along with his cousin and  2 young friends. He was already  signed up to go into the Navy. Want to  be a cook and then go to school to learn to be a chef. The oldest boy already had 1 years in with the  Railroad when he passed.  But  hubby's  boys were a different story and he  finally just  cut them off from everything and they got ticked off and we have not heard from them in 16 years. If they couldn't  get dad to support them they  didn't want anything to do with him. So sad.

[heypeg]

Sometimes the only way to go is tough love. You are not always going to be here so they need to learn.

[darkxtsuna]

I'm nearing my 30's this year and all I can say is if you think they are taking you for granted stop and just let go, Help but don't lend. Your not a bad Mom for doing what you think you should do. They have to learn how to take care of themselves.

[UGetPaid]

At the risk of sounding harsh (and I do not know the finer details of your situation), I think what could make you a bad mom is if you continue to provide handouts without consequences.


Helping a child out in a tough financial position is one thing (and we can all debate over when it is right or not for a financially secure parent to help), but when it becomes an expectation from the child/burden on the parent and the child doesn't even seem to appreciate it or they fail to see the bind that it puts you into - then it is outright selfishness on the child's part.


Failing to provide food or shelter to a helpless baby or to a minor child is criminal. But when that child becomes a capable adult and still expects everything to be given to them without question, something is wrong with that picture.


Many of us will encounter financial or living issues that we don't anticipate or plan for and I don't see anything wrong with a parent helping out where they can - provided that they can. But if the child never learns to act responsibly as a result, then there is some blame that may fall to the parent.


It's tough to see our kids go through rough times and not try to help make it better. It is tough when we are in rough times and don't seem to see the way out. Every experience is a learning experience - for both the parent and the child.

[nmbrown863]

You are not a bad mom. You have tried and helped many times. Sometimes enough is enough.

[bremer51]

Sometimes you just have to say NO.  I helped my niece and family for years, paying their rent because they "couldn't work."  Finally I said, no more.  I felt horrible, but they found a way to get by.

[JaniceSW]

In my opinion, there comes a time when you have to draw a line in the sand.  Children will take advantage if they know they are your soft spot and you continually give in to them even when you say next time you aren't.  They get it!  The problem is that if you don't allow them to grow up and be responsible, some of them just won't.  They assume they always have a "fall-back" plan.  And it's you! Even financial experts will caution you to put you and your finances first if you are at or near retirement.  Who will you go to if you are low or run out of money?

[UGetPaid]

I helped my niece and family for years, paying their rent because they "couldn't work."  Finally I said, no more.  I felt horrible, but they found a way to get by.

Did they "find a way to get by" by working?  Your decision to put ""couldn't work"" in quotes, leads me to believe that maybe it was a choice not to work rather than an inability.  I don't know their circumstances so I am not going to assume that my next observation applies to them directly, but there are too many people scamming the system with fake disabilities who make it more difficult for the legitimate people in need to get timely assistance. In my opinion - a true disability is an excuse to not work and obtain government assistance; but some truly disabled people are the hardest workers out there and would rather put forth the effort at something that doesn't require the exertion they cannot handle rather than get a government handout to do nothing.

[ghunter]

Parents do what they have to do for their children, but you are talking about a hard grow man not a child.  When will he learn?  I don't know your age, but he must start thinking about you, in no way are you a bad mother.

[debidoo]

I feel such gratitude for all your answers - not because you said what I wanted to hear but because you said what I NEEDED to hear.  I appreciate all my FC friends so much sometimes (most of the time) I would have no one to "talk" to so to speak if not for you guys.  Thank again.

[mrisha]

It would seem that umbilical cord is never completely cut from your body.  If that child is lazy and totally dependent on you, then it is time for him to man up and find his own place.  This is dependent on him being a healthy person.