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Discussion Boards => Off-Topic => Topic started by: bennyetta on December 12, 2010, 12:59:21 pm
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I don't know why people take my kindness for weakness there are some things i need to change but, don;t no where to start. I don't have nothing left to give i just recently loss the love of my life yet people still got thier hands out what is a girl to do.
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It doesn’t have to be that way. Kindness is not a sign of weakness. It’s one of our basic inherent nature which we all possess. It’s the same with love. Unfortunately, there are some that have forgotten what kindness is. So sorry to hear about your recent loss of your significant other. Is he the one you asked about wanting you to lend your house keys to him?
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Learn how to say no.
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being too kind definitely has it's set backs because some people see it as an open door, one in which they can just continue to walk in through repeatedly taking advantage of. it can be quite the burden, this being 'too kind'. but there comes a time where all who have this 'issue' need to be able to find a balance, set out some sort of rules, and the most important of all is learning how to essentially say "F*ck It". You can't help everyone all the time, and you can't let it get to you. You have to think with your head & not your heart at times, no matter what. It took me a while, but I finally found a balance that works better for me, and it's certainly helped a bit. I'm not saying you should just become a cold, insensitive person, or look for things in return for your kindness but you do need to have a bit of that "it's all about me" type of attitude. Good Luck and I'm sorry for your loss.
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You have to learn to take time for yourself, and realize that it's OK to say "no" sometimes - people will still like you! If they don't, they're not true friends anyway. Of course friends and family need to rely on each other, but there's really only so far that can go, and if helping someone would be a huge inconvenience to them, don't do it. You can easily just explain "I'm sorry, I don't have the time right now" if they ask.
Obviously you don't want to turn your back on your friends but you have to find a balance ...
Especially during hard times, it's unfair that people are constantly begging you for whatever assistance. YOU should ask them for help and support (if you need it). :dontknow:
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Just say no. If you don't have more to give, then be honest and say, " I don't have more to give." People will take advantage of you only if you let them.
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Simply tell them "I'm sorry but right now I can't help you." People mistake kindness for weakness because they think that since you are always nice and help that you always will and they'll take advantage of you. You need to learn how to say no occasionally. It's okay. If they are really your friends then they'll respect you for it and be understanding. Frankly if the don't care and get mad because you say no, then they just want to use you and aren't you're real friends. If that's the case then you don't need to waste your time with them.
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:wave: Kindness is not a weakness! It takes a very strong person to show kindness; especially to people whom seem to want to take advantage of your admirable trait. There are those it seems that seek out people who are kind at heart and it sometimes will hurt ones' feelings; but don't let those few unappreciative people turn you sour towards being kind. You will gain far more than they will. Your blessings will be far greater than what they may gain.
Besides, if you are like me then your conscious will bother you if you do not try ! I would rather have a few hurt feelings than having my conscious bother me because I didn't help someone. My heart goes out to you for your recent loss. I pray that you find the comfort that you seek. BE BLESSED :peace:
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You know what, I feel the same way. Your kindness will come back around I believe - and I think the reason I'm so nice is because I know how it feels when you are treated poorly and couldn't imagine putting another person in that same situation! I am very sorry about your loss - I can't imagine what it's like for you! The days get easier little by little just make sure you have a strong support, whether it be family or friends!