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Discussion Boards => Off-Topic => Debate & Discuss => Topic started by: adstony on January 03, 2011, 12:24:18 pm
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For about 2 years now I have not been feeling like a good husband. Is there any way to tell if a person is a good husband?
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Have you tried asking your wife? Communication is key. Don't make it an argument, just an open forum :wave:
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Tried to ask her indirectly and she goes off on me like there is something wrong when I do try too.
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Your wife's happiness should prove you being a good husband. If you feel like whatever you are doing is not working then try something different.
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Love her like your own body(this includes the emotional and mental things not just physical), though I never had a girlfriend let alone a wife so take it or leave it.
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If he loves, honors and respect his wife, and takes care of his family.
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I try to show that I love her but then I mess up like I did yesterday (which I also did last year) nothing for her birthday. Like always we are broke and I did not get her anything. There was a chance for me to get her something but instead paid ahead on a bill that could have waited about 2 weeks. If I would have got he a little something would have been better then nothing. Most days I just do not feel like I am a good husband. Just feels like I should do more then I do to take care of her and my children.
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There are many ways to show your wife how much you love and appreciate her. You don't have to spend money to show it either. How about cooking her a nice dinner or running a nice bubble bath for her. Washing the dishes and maybe doing some laundry shows you are willing to give her time to relax. Love is not about what you spend or what you buy someone, it's about the little things. Hope this helps you.
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I do the dishes every night. About 1/2 of the laundry each week. Every night when I get home I take care of the kids the rest of the night. We have a 14 month old that still gets up in the middle of the night for milk and I get up each time. I still do not have any feeling like I am a good husband. I do not even feel like I am a good father.
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Adstony, you sound like a great husband and father to me. If I had had half of what you are I might still be married right now. Just keep doing what you are doing. It may be that the wife is having some issues of her own and does not know how to let you know. Give it some time and just hang in there.
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If you know that your husband is a good husband if he spolis you like you are a princess then he is a good husband then you are with the one that you want to spend the rest of your life with
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For about 2 years now I have not been feeling like a good husband. Is there any way to tell if a person is a good husband?
You are going to have to be more specific to answer that one, because what outside or inside factors are making you question this??
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I try to show that I love her but then I mess up like I did yesterday (which I also did last year) nothing for her birthday. Like always we are broke and I did not get her anything. There was a chance for me to get her something but instead paid ahead on a bill that could have waited about 2 weeks. If I would have got he a little something would have been better then nothing. Most days I just do not feel like I am a good husband. Just feels like I should do more then I do to take care of her and my children.
You can still make her a handmade card telling her how much you love her. To me that is the best gift of all.
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You definitely need to evaluate your life. The first step is ask yourself is my wife happy? Then write down what you think you are doing right or wrong, and last ask your wife. I believe communication is the key to solving any problem or misunderstanding.
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So according to this thread us men need to do three things.
1. Be selfless A.K.A care about your wife
2. Don't spend your money on anything unless it's helping your wife
3. Spend time with your wife
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It's sounding to me like you may be a little depressed but please take this with a grain of salt because obviously I don't know you and sometimes the "tone" of writing can be misunderstood.
I totally agree with SCarter..... if my husband did half of the things you do a week then we would not be separated (this includes the paying the bill early). You don't have to spend money on your family to be a good husband or a good father. The gift of your time is WAY MORE IMPORTANT than anything that you can purchase anywhere!
As for your wife, it could be that despite all you are doing that she is still feeling overwhelmed. What does she do when you are doing the dishes and getting the kids ready for bed etc.? Does she do something for herself or is she hovering to make sure that everything is getting done right or is she doing other chores that need to be done that she couldn't get done during the day??? If she still isn't getting time for herself that could be one of the reasons that she is on edge.
Communication is also key! You are feeling like you aren't doing enough for your family and you want your wife to tell you either that you are doing enough or things that you can do for her so that you are doing enough. I hope that the two of you can get the roads of communication open again. :)
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So according to this thread us men need to do three things.
1. Be selfless A.K.A care about your wife
2. Don't spend your money on anything unless it's helping your wife
3. Spend time with your wife
Yes to one, no to two and yes to three. You should show your wife you care. Always. Spend your money wisely. As long as it benefits you both. Sometimes helping your wife is also helping yourself. When she is happy you are happy. Spend as much time as you can with your wife, but don't forget that you need your own time as well. Any woman who would demand more than this, to me, is showing that she does not care enough for her man. I'm just sayin'... :dontknow:
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So according to this thread us men need to do three things.
1. Be selfless A.K.A care about your wife
2. Don't spend your money on anything unless it's helping your wife
3. Spend time with your wife
Yes to one, no to two and yes to three. You should show your wife you care. Always. Spend your money wisely. As long as it benefits you both. Sometimes helping your wife is also helping yourself. When she is happy you are happy. Spend as much time as you can with your wife, but don't forget that you need your own time as well. Any woman who would demand more than this, to me, is showing that she does not care enough for her man. I'm just sayin'... :dontknow:
"Always. Spend your money wisely. As long as it benefits you both."
But you said no to #2!!!!!! If i'm using my money to help/benefit the misses(hopefully 10 to 20 years from now :P) thats the same thing. My uncle is always trying to get me to use more of my earnings to help out grandma but it's kinda hard when you make less then $100 a month.
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You should know if your husband is good if he puts your needs first before his and if he cares about u and tells you that you are his world and if you are on his minds
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I try to show that I love her but then I mess up like I did yesterday (which I also did last year) nothing for her birthday. Like always we are broke and I did not get her anything. There was a chance for me to get her something but instead paid ahead on a bill that could have waited about 2 weeks. If I would have got he a little something would have been better then nothing. Most days I just do not feel like I am a good husband. Just feels like I should do more then I do to take care of her and my children.
There are lots of things you could do that do not cost any money, Go for a walk by yourselves, have inlaws or parents watch the children so you can spend time by yourselves without interruption, Make a card for her just because, rent a movie then watch after the kids go to bed clean up after dinner switch the laundry talk with her more openly Get a book lots are out there Men are from Mars Women are from Venus GREAT book insightful as to how men and women react to certain things and how to communicate more effectly. As someone else posted Communication is key Laugh more :wave:
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been married for 20 years to same gal......still have not figured that one out....I do know when I am being a bad husband.
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One knows when they are a good husband if they spoil you all the time and are thinking about their wives 24/7 and when they come home from work all they want to do is spend time with you and not with their coworkers but that is okay to hang out with them too cause the wife may like to hang out with their coworkers too so really if you know you are a wonderful husband then you have nothing to worry about! :heart: :star:
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What makes a good husband? A provider, protector, comforter, best friend and lover. Do you make time to spend just enjoying each? Do you listen to her? Do you validate her?
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I dont know the answer to that one guess it depends on what the wife expects of you. As for me I havent been hit with a skillet yet but I keep ducking ;D
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When your doesn't divorce you. I don't know go ask your wife. :wave:
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So according to this thread us men need to do three things.
1. Be selfless A.K.A care about your wife
2. Don't spend your money on anything unless it's helping your wife
3. Spend time with your wife
Yes to one, no to two and yes to three. You should show your wife you care. Always. Spend your money wisely. As long as it benefits you both. Sometimes helping your wife is also helping yourself. When she is happy you are happy. Spend as much time as you can with your wife, but don't forget that you need your own time as well. Any woman who would demand more than this, to me, is showing that she does not care enough for her man. I'm just sayin'... :dontknow:
How so? Could you explain?
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So according to this thread us men need to do three things.
1. Be selfless A.K.A care about your wife
2. Don't spend your money on anything unless it's helping your wife
3. Spend time with your wife
Yes to one, no to two and yes to three. You should show your wife you care. Always. Spend your money wisely. As long as it benefits you both. Sometimes helping your wife is also helping yourself. When she is happy you are happy. Spend as much time as you can with your wife, but don't forget that you need your own time as well. Any woman who would demand more than this, to me, is showing that she does not care enough for her man. I'm just sayin'... :dontknow:
How so? Could you explain?
It basically boils down to give and take. Most men have the take down pat but are seriously lacking in the give department.
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A good husband (or wife for that matter) should not try to change the other into what they want them to be. Acceptance and forgiveness are keys to a great relationship.
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Tried to ask her indirectly and she goes off on me like there is something wrong when I do try too.
Don't ask her indirectly, ask her directly...Like someone said, communication is key...Say to her "hun we need to talk". Sit her down, hold her hand and be completely honest with her. Ask her what she is feeling and how the two of you can work together to make things better....Good luck dear.
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Tried to ask her indirectly and she goes off on me like there is something wrong when I do try too.
Don't ask her indirectly, ask her directly...Like someone said, communication is key...Say to her "hun we need to talk". Sit her down, hold her hand and be completely honest with her. Ask her what she is feeling and how the two of you can work together to make things better....Good luck dear.
Great advice.
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One time I asked a simular question and I was told if you are concered about being a good husband than you most likely are becuasue you are aware of your situation and just talk to your wife see if or how she feels about you as a husband.
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To ask this question shows that there's something in you that you wish you can do or can't do?
I work 3 jobs to help my husband maintain a house and raise 4 kids...
he broke down one day and told me that he feels like he's not a good husband, because he can't provide, and that's why I work so hard.
I do work hard and sometimes I feel like he's not doing enough, but he's still a good husband (even more). He's great with the kids: he gets them ready for school, picks them up, helps with homework, and plays with them. He still makes time to take me out for a movie or dinner, and attend church.
Talk first with your wife and openly ask, "Why do you love me?" And listen. There's a reason why you both married and sometimes it's so nice to recollect. Also, talk about goals, and set aside some "time" for each other. If you have kids, then this is even more important to do. At least once a week for a few hours... to watch a movie, have lunch, a drink, walk... things you both like to do or alternate.
I ask hubby all the time, "Why do you love me?" And he often tells me what he "loves" about me (hint! hint!) ha, ha, ha... and then he gets a little more personal.
If she gets upset for asking a "silly" question, then write her a letter and tell her Why You love her... an old fashion letter writing can work better than talking if the person likes to read. It gives them time to think and understand how you're feeling...
This is a good start...
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Every Person is different when it comes to marriage. So My advice on this matter is that weather your a husband or a wife the goal is to communicate with each other, if you make your partner happy than you are doing your part, the other partner is supose to communicate and make you happy. I think a sucessful marriage is consideration for one another feelings and to work together to make a happy family life.
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If everyone is happier to see you come home rather than when you leave.
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Money problems can take an otherwise good couple and cause a lot of tension in the relationship. A lot of divorces are from money problems that could have been avoided if they had a little more money on hand. I think that kind and caring gestures go a long way even if you don't have a lot of money to throw around. Massages, picnic, breakfast in bed, leave a nice note in a place she can find, agree to take care of the kids for a night so she can recoup, all of these little gestures don't cost money but can add more intimacy to the relationship. I agree that communication is also a key factor. Take time to notice and compliment the things she does to help you and your family and find out out what little things will really improve her day (ex. do the dishes before she wakes up or do a task you have been putting off). Otherwise you sound like you are a good husband you just need to find that connection again. Good Luck =)