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Discussion Boards => Off-Topic => Topic started by: debidoo on December 27, 2018, 11:23:27 am
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My nephew has a new girlfriend has to be middle twenties at least - met her at Thanksgiving and then she came with him to my Christmas party. My brother-in-law says she is "shy" I think she is rude. At her age if she is that shy then she needs to at least be polite enough to say "Thanks for inviting me" I like your house, at least hi or goodbye. But not a peep I think that is totally rude. What do you guys think?
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Some people are shy no matter their age. It can be rather intimidating meeting family and friends.
Just because you do not think she SHOULD be shy doesn't mean much. Shy people tend to clam up in social situations.
I HATED meeting inlaws and friends. It was absolutely terrifying.
I would let it go.
:cat: :dog:
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:'( u not thinking of the unfriend.
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Sounds like she didn't want to be there. But definitely rude.
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She could very well be very shy, maybe unsure of herself, I doubt if she was rude. In time and one on one she will open up. Did you ask your nephew if she is shy around him or was it a large party that could intimidate her. I was shy at one time. But I got over after a bit. Part of mine was moving from one school to another in Ohio. People that I was a Mexican from Mexico instead of New Mexico and treated me like dirt. Once we got back into N.M. I opened up and was not as shy except around new people that I had not met or was unsure of.
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My nephew has a new girlfriend has to be middle twenties at least - met her at Thanksgiving and then she came with him to my Christmas party. My brother-in-law says she is "shy" I think she is rude. At her age if she is that shy then she needs to at least be polite enough to say "Thanks for inviting me" I like your house, at least hi or goodbye. But not a peep I think that is totally rude. What do you guys think?
It would have been polite for her to say hello and thank you for inviting her but we never know what someone is thinking or what they have been through in life. We can not control how someone acts we can only control how we respond to it.
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My nephew has a new girlfriend has to be middle twenties at least - met her at Thanksgiving and then she came with him to my Christmas party. My brother-in-law says she is "shy" I think she is rude. At her age if she is that shy then she needs to at least be polite enough to say "Thanks for inviting me" I like your house, at least hi or goodbye. But not a peep I think that is totally rude. What do you guys think?
Could be either, but if your nephew says she's shy, I would give her the benefit of the doubt, and not think she was intentionally rude.
Life's too short to worry over it.
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My nephew has a new girlfriend has to be middle twenties at least - met her at Thanksgiving and then she came with him to my Christmas party. My brother-in-law says she is "shy" I think she is rude. At her age if she is that shy then she needs to at least be polite enough to say "Thanks for inviting me" I like your house, at least hi or goodbye. But not a peep I think that is totally rude. What do you guys think?
I would think she could at least say hi or bye or if you have food say thank you if something if offered to her. Not speaking the whole time she is there I guess I would say was rude. Idk.
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She could very well be very shy, maybe unsure of herself, I doubt if she was rude. In time and one on one she will open up. Did you ask your nephew if she is shy around him or was it a large party that could intimidate her. I was shy at one time. But I got over after a bit. Part of mine was moving from one school to another in Ohio. People that I was a Mexican from Mexico instead of New Mexico and treated me like dirt. Once we got back into N.M. I opened up and was not as shy except around new people that I had not met or was unsure of.
I don't agree with that. I met a girl a couple years ago that came with a family member to Christmas. I knew she would be there so I got her a gift. She opened it up and just kind of shrugged her shoulders and tossed it to the side. She went in to another room with person she came with and would barely speak to anyone. Someone defended her saying oh she is unsure of herself. No she was flippin rude! I do not care how shy you are if somebody gives you a gift open your mouth and say THANK YOU. Even if you do not like it.
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It's hard to say without seeing her body language too. You don't necessarily "grow out" of shyness. And it may be more than that. She could have social anxiety. I have it myself. A few years ago, I was invited to a party by a girl I went to high school with, even though we were never really friends. I'm never invited to anything, except through my husband. I told myself to suck it up and go. I did, and it was SO stressful. The girl was busy talking to everyone else, and I didn't know anyone there. I didn't talk to anyone the whole time and eventually slipped out without saying anything. Maybe I seemed rude from everyone else's perspective, but I was on the verge of a panic attack the entire time. I was proud of myself for getting up enough courage to go by myself, even it was a failure. Don't be too hasty to make judgments. It takes me a loooong time to feel comfortable around new people. I'm still uneasy around my husband's family, and we've been married almost 10 years!
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Maybe she is shy, you have to get to know her to really know for sure.
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She is definately rude, but this is how the new generation operate, they do not speak to each other, they only tweet.
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My nephew has a new girlfriend has to be middle twenties at least - met her at Thanksgiving and then she came with him to my Christmas party. My brother-in-law says she is "shy" I think she is rude. At her age if she is that shy then she needs to at least be polite enough to say "Thanks for inviting me" I like your house, at least hi or goodbye. But not a peep I think that is totally rude. What do you guys think?
She was rude. Always thank the person whose home you are visiting. It's not hard at all.
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It's not rude. It's ridiculous to expect someone to feel completely comfortable people for the first time.
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Yes, it is really, totally, rude and plain unforgivable. She thinks she doesn't have to acknowledge people, older than her. I would bring it up to your son, about her attitude.
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Yes, it is really, totally, rude and plain unforgivable. She thinks she doesn't have to acknowledge people, older than her. I would bring it up to your son, about her attitude.
Unforgivable? Getting a little deep in here.
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It's not rude. It's ridiculous to expect someone to feel completely comfortable people for the first time.
It doesn't have anything to do with feeling completely comfortable. If you go to someone's house you can say hello. Not go in and not speak or acknowledge anyone at all. That is rude. You don't have to carry on a big conversation but you can say hello. If someone hands you a drink say thank you. It is not that hard to smile and be nice.
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Yes, it is really, totally, rude and plain unforgivable. She thinks she doesn't have to acknowledge people, older than her. I would bring it up to your son, about her attitude.
Unforgivable? Seriously? I can see both sides. First the OP did not say if people spoke to her and she ignored them. I have been in situations before where I did not talk a lot. People may think I am rude. I will talk if people talk to me. I don't run up and talk to people I don't know.
As for not acknowledging people older than her...was she the youngest person there? I doubt that had anything to do with it. Maybe she didn't want to be there to start with and her boyfriend forced her in to it. I have been in that exact same situation before. I went to Thanksgiving with a boyfriend. I did talk to his family but I was not at all comfortable. I didn't like the situation. But I felt pressured in to being there with him. Of course I did speak. lol
Saying she should never be forgiven is wrong. I agree that she, by what the OP says, was rude. She can say hello. But I don't agree that she should be thrown to the dogs and never forgiven. And talking to the nephew will only make him not want to be around you. He will side with his girlfriend. I know my nephew would and his GF is a real piece of work. lol
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I am a shy person, but as a shy person I know that is is rude to come into someones home and not even say Hello or thank you when you recieve something. I teach my children that from a young age.
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It's not rude. It's ridiculous to expect someone to feel completely comfortable people for the first time.
It doesn't have anything to do with feeling completely comfortable. If you go to someone's house you can say hello. Not go in and not speak or acknowledge anyone at all. That is rude. You don't have to carry on a big conversation but you can say hello. If someone hands you a drink say thank you. It is not that hard to smile and be nice.
I agree with you if that's how the situations played out. It's tough without knowing the specifics, so I was trying to give the benefit of the doubt. Did the nephew even try to introduce her to his family? I don't know, but that would have been a good step to make her more comfortable. Maybe he wasn't comfortable with it yet, either.
This sounds to me like a fairly typical occurrence when someone brings a boyfriend/girlfriend for the first time. Give it a little time and they will be more comfortable and will open up and you can really get to know them. Or they break up before that and you never see them again. In my mind, some things just aren't worth dwelling on.
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countrygirl:
The incident you described (the gift) and what happened in this situation are not remotely the same.
You come off as rude many, many times, and I am aware that I do too. At least I have the self-awareness to know this.
Those of you who are saying that it is just plain rude are the rude ones because you do not attempt to understand that people are different. You just get up on your high horse and judge, judge, judge.
People who are shy or have social anxiety indeed do have problems even looking other people in the eye. So, to assume that it is so easy to say "thank you," is a bit rude on your part.
For all we know, she did not want to come because of her shyness, and her boyfriend dragged her there anyway because HE (like many of you) do not care about how anyone else feels; it is all about you. It is all about social norms with no regard to those who may be different.
Any attempt to judge someone else and you guys are on it like flies on a corpse.
Makes me not want to know any of you. I have a very shy, backwards brother who people have the audacity to assume is not very smart because he rarely speaks in front of strangers.
I avoid all parties because I have social anxiety disorder, OCD, and depression. I can rarely leave my home anymore.
Shame on every last one of you . . .
A group of snobs.
:cat: :dog:
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countrygirl:
The incident you described (the gift) and what happened in this situation are not remotely the same.
You come off as rude many, many times, and I am aware that I do too. At least I have the self-awareness to know this.
Those of you who are saying that it is just plain rude are the rude ones because you do not attempt to understand that people are different. You just get up on your high horse and judge, judge, judge.
People who are shy or have social anxiety indeed do have problems even looking other people in the eye. So, to assume that it is so easy to say "thank you," is a bit rude on your part.
For all we know, she did not want to come because of her shyness, and her boyfriend dragged her there anyway because HE (like many of you) do not care about how anyone else feels; it is all about you. It is all about social norms with no regard to those who may be different.
Any attempt to judge someone else and you guys are on it like flies on a corpse.
Makes me not want to know any of you. I have a very shy, backwards brother who people have the audacity to assume is not very smart because he rarely speaks in front of strangers.
I avoid all parties because I have social anxiety disorder, OCD, and depression. I can rarely leave my home anymore.
Shame on every last one of you . . .
A group of snobs.
:cat: :dog:
LOL. YOU come off as rude as well. And yes the situations are exactly the same. If you are too scared to say hi then you need to stay at home in your little box. It is funny because this "social anxiety crap" didn't use to even be a thing.
No it is not rude to say someone else is rude for coming in to their home and not speaking. You are being rude for calling everyone else rude who does not agree with your line of thinking.
If you do not want to know any of us then why the heck are you in these forums talking to us? Oh so you can as you say get on YOUR high horse and judge all of us and yell at us and put us down? lol. You do the exact same thing you accuse others of doing.
If is hilarious that you say you have social anxiety but can hide behind your keyboard and tell everybody off. lol.
If someone comes in to MY home and refuses to speak to anyone then no I do not assume they are shy. Most likely they are stuck up conceited snobs that think they are better than every one else in attendance.
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countrygirl:
The incident you described (the gift) and what happened in this situation are not remotely the same.
You come off as rude many, many times, and I am aware that I do too. At least I have the self-awareness to know this.
Those of you who are saying that it is just plain rude are the rude ones because you do not attempt to understand that people are different. You just get up on your high horse and judge, judge, judge.
People who are shy or have social anxiety indeed do have problems even looking other people in the eye. So, to assume that it is so easy to say "thank you," is a bit rude on your part.
For all we know, she did not want to come because of her shyness, and her boyfriend dragged her there anyway because HE (like many of you) do not care about how anyone else feels; it is all about you. It is all about social norms with no regard to those who may be different.
Any attempt to judge someone else and you guys are on it like flies on a corpse.
Makes me not want to know any of you. I have a very shy, backwards brother who people have the audacity to assume is not very smart because he rarely speaks in front of strangers.
I avoid all parties because I have social anxiety disorder, OCD, and depression. I can rarely leave my home anymore.
Shame on every last one of you . . .
A group of snobs.
:cat: :dog:
Kaat for the most part a simple hello is not a big deal and goes a long way.If we found out then a person has a bit of an uncomfy problem we can use discernment and understanding and not come down they are being rude.Maybe a situation may arise later on where we can strike up a chat with them and put them at ease too.
As for Contro-versial girl she is an outright liar.Heres the proof.She claimed Gods people came to her door and walked right in.Now there can always be exceptions to the rule but Gods people are told NOT to waste time with others that dont wanna hear the good news they are preaching.If we can detect CG is rude in a forum you can just imagine what she would be like in person.Point being she would be a complete waste of their time in speaking to her....and yet she has 1 of them un-invited in her house...LOL!!And she ends it saying they can get shot.....LOL!She has such distain to Gods people she needs to fabricate more so.I dont remember the topic but it was maybe about a month ago.She will do u or anyone else a favor if she puts u on ignore.
1 last thing RE the topic.I know i get annoyed if i hold a door for someone or let someone make a left turn on the rd and they dont say TY.But if we know we meant well and dont get credit we should remind ourselves we tried.Cant dwell on others bad spirits or their reasons why they are who they are.Or give em the benefit of having a bad day.
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I think she was just uncomfortable about meeting new people. It takes more time than two meetings for some people to show their true behavior, personality. I'm antisocial & it's hard for me to even go to family invites & I've known them forever!
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People really struggle to be social It stems from the 'Spirit of Fear' The bible helps us to understand in in Timothy 1:7; For God hath not given us the spirit fear; but of power and of love, and a sound mind, KJV.
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People really struggle to be social It stems from the 'Spirit of Fear' The bible helps us to understand in in Timothy 1:7; For God hath not given us the spirit fear; but of power and of love, and a sound mind, KJV.
The bible also says in the last days the love of the greater number will cool off.That scripture is more world related then the situation here.Its hard to know by what has been presented if the person is a snob or not.Maybe they even had a tummy ache.
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Wow! That escalated quickly!
There are some people who are so cripplingly shy that it comes across as being rude, but it honestly and truly is shyness and anxiety. There is a young girl who works in the same office as my wife and has been there for over two years. She has only in the past few weeks started addressing my wife by her first name and she rarely talks to anyone there. It is not due to lack of respect or rudeness. Shy is just painfully shy.
Without being in the room and interacting with this person there is no way any of us can know whether that was the situation described by the OP here or not. It is very possible that this person was being rude, but anyone who says that it absolutely was intentional rudeness 100% without question is making a judgmental assumption.
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Wow! That escalated quickly!
There are some people who are so cripplingly shy that it comes across as being rude, but it honestly and truly is shyness and anxiety. There is a young girl who works in the same office as my wife and has been there for over two years. She has only in the past few weeks started addressing my wife by her first name and she rarely talks to anyone there. It is not due to lack of respect or rudeness. Shy is just painfully shy.
Without being in the room and interacting with this person there is no way any of us can know whether that was the situation described by the OP here or not. It is very possible that this person was being rude, but anyone who says that it absolutely was intentional rudeness 100% without question is making a judgmental assumption.
I would not always call this behavior shy either. Honestly you are better off saying as little as possible on the job. I have worked on jobs in the past where I would have been much better off to just go in and do my job and no speak to anyone unless absolutely necessary.
I can understand being shy. But walking in to a house and no speaking to any one at all the entire time you are there - NO I cannot understand that. I was shy when I was younger but I was never a butt to people. I didn't talk a lot but I would acknowledge people if they spoke to me.
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She sounds like an introvert and finds it hard to communicate with others that she is not related to. There could be many reasons. Try asking her if she feels uncomfortable around your family.
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I think she is shy and does no have any people skills.
Maybe she is afraid of saying the wrong things.
I agree: She should at least say-"Nice to meet you...
Thank you for your invitation".
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Maybe she has a severe case of social anxiety. It is rude to go to someone's house and not even acknowledge them. I was shy growing up and didn't speak to a lot of people but my parents taught me manners and I was taught to speak when you are in someones house. Just saying hi wouln't have killed her.
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Maybe she really is shy, give her a chance
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I think she is shy and does no have any people skills.
Maybe she is afraid of saying the wrong things.
I agree: She should at least say-"Nice to meet you...
Thank you for your invitation".
There is no way you can be as old as late teens and have no people skills unless you were home schooled and never let out in public. If you go thru school you will have some people skills. More and more people are not shy they are just in their own world and basically buttholes. I cannot count the number of times I see people in Walmart with earbuds stuffed in their ears. They are not shy they just do not want to talk to anyone and figure that is a good way to get people not to talk to them.
I remember a few years ago a girl goes up to the teller at a bank and the teller speaks to her and the idiot in front of her had earphones on and when the teller speaks she goes "huuhhhh" The teller repeated herself but I for one would not have. I would have just sat there and looked at her. Take the ear phones off and conduct your business or step aside.
An a similar note I worked in a fast food restaurant a long time ago and the woman comes up to the register to order and I ask "can I help you" and she is on the phone and sticks her finger in my face. I look around her and motion for the next person and take their order. She gets all p*ssy and starts complaining. She was told when you get finished with your phone call and are ready to order come to the register. LOL
This was back when everybody that had a phone had a dumb phone so she didn't have a camera she could start videoing with. lol
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I thought everyone was taught to say hi, give a nod, shake hands or something when introduced. You don't get to be in your 20's without talking to people. She didn't have any problems talking with the nephew because they have been dating for sometime. Just food for thought.
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She can't be too shy if she has a boyfriend & came with him to his family's house on Thanksgiving. At that age, mid-twenties, not to be able to muster a "hi", "nice to meet you", etc... the niceties of meeting people in their home no less, definitely shows lack of manners & shows what kind of people raised her to have no manners & the inability to be able to acquire the social skills on her own to assimilate into polite society. Definitely rude, although perhaps not intentionally so... lack of breeding definitely. classless.
Saying something isn't going to change her, it will just put a wedge between you and her & your nephew... let it go, but you are definitely not wrong.
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I would say to not judge and give it more time. Try and engage her gently, Time will tell. She may feel uncomfortable with the family, especially as though you are publicly judging her here. No offense
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It sounds a little rude, but being shy is very difficult. Those who are don't know what to say or act sometimes. I would forget it and not let it get to you. There are more important things in your life I am sure.
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Not rude indeed. I suffered incredible shyness for years around people. It's a phobia just like any other phobia. It's a mental condition. It was extremely hard for me to meet new people. I went through this through my 20's.
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I would say to not judge and give it more time. Try and engage her gently, Time will tell. She may feel uncomfortable with the family, especially as though you are publicly judging her here. No offense
lol She isn't "publicly judging' her. She asked a question. And the niece has no idea this is being discussed. It ain't like she put her picture on Facebook and called her out. She simply asked a question. Yes it is rude to go in to someone's home and eat their food, drink their drinks, accept their hospitality and no speak to any one there. Especially is others spoke to her.
I would think maybe she didn't want to be there so she just had an attitude. I would not ask her back to my home.
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Not rude indeed. I suffered incredible shyness for years around people. It's a phobia just like any other phobia. It's a mental condition. It was extremely hard for me to meet new people. I went through this through my 20's.
So now being shy is a medical condition? LOLOLOLOLOL
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I'm also shy all the time but when somebody gets me mad I be in a rude person :D :D
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I am a shy person but at least I am polite and say thank you if I am invited, given a gift, etc. So yes, I say rude.
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Even shy people have manners, there is no excuse for being rude.
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Your thoughts on this and some of the responses are interesting to me. Depending how she acted, I could see how it might be considered rude, but by no means could I come to that decision by what you said. Some people grow out of shyness, but some get even more shy with age. With how you described it, it doesn't sound rude. I would have had to been there to know for sure though.
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Social Anxiety Disorder or Social Phobia is more common then you may realize.
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Shy
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If she's like I was, I suffered from anxiety and depression since I was 19. Panic attacks and social anxiety disorder. So, I can identify. Sounds like your nephew is trying to get her used to meeting his family to ease out her social anxiety. Is she nervous? If so, then more than likely she has social phobia.
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I wouldn't be able to tell without meeting her.
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If she smiled and had pleasant mannerisms probably just shy; meeting the fam can be high pressure.
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I received so many awesome replies to my post and I think they were wise and understanding of my nephew's girlfriend's potential difficulties social wise. You guys are great. :heart:
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To CountryGirl: So now being shy is a medical condition? LOLOLOLOLOL
No need to be so sarcastic with the LOL's. Social anxiety, phobia has been around for years.
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To CountryGirl: So now being shy is a medical condition? LOLOLOLOLOL
No need to be so sarcastic with the LOL's. Social anxiety, phobia has been around for years.
I wouldnt worry too much about someone that thinks animals are in heaven Santa.Your answer is as good as anyone elses cos none of us were present and other factors could have contributed to this topic.
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I agree.
Yes, it is really, totally, rude and plain unforgivable. She thinks she doesn't have to acknowledge people, older than her. I would bring it up to your son, about her attitude.
Unforgivable? Getting a little deep in here.
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I absolutely agree but I also know people are raised differently. I'd bring it up to the son and see how things go from there.
It's not rude. It's ridiculous to expect someone to feel completely comfortable people for the first time.
It doesn't have anything to do with feeling completely comfortable. If you go to someone's house you can say hello. Not go in and not speak or acknowledge anyone at all. That is rude. You don't have to carry on a big conversation but you can say hello. If someone hands you a drink say thank you. It is not that hard to smile and be nice.
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You're absolutely right, I just had a conversation with my 19 year old daughter about this; Idc how hard your day was you need to speak when you come into someone's presence.
I am a shy person, but as a shy person I know that is is rude to come into someones home and not even say Hello or thank you when you recieve something. I teach my children that from a young age.
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She could very well be very shy, maybe unsure of herself, I doubt if she was rude. In time and one on one she will open up. Did you ask your nephew if she is shy around him or was it a large party that could intimidate her. I was shy at one time. But I got over after a bit. Part of mine was moving from one school to another in Ohio. People that I was a Mexican from Mexico instead of New Mexico and treated me like dirt. Once we got back into N.M. I opened up and was not as shy except around new people that I had not met or was unsure of.
I don't agree with that. I met a girl a couple years ago that came with a family member to Christmas. I knew she would be there so I got her a gift. She opened it up and just kind of shrugged her shoulders and tossed it to the side. She went in to another room with person she came with and would barely speak to anyone. Someone defended her saying oh she is unsure of herself. No she was flippin rude! I do not care how shy you are if somebody gives you a gift open your mouth and say THANK YOU. Even if you do not like it.
I totally agree that a thank you is in order. My grandson brought his girlfriend this year to Christmas and I made sure we had a little gift also. I didn't want her to feel out of place when others were receiving their cards etc. She politely said thank you and did thank us for inviting her. I know that many time they feel uncomfortable so I always try to start a conversation to include them like where do you work or how did you meet. Seems to draw them in
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When I was very young I was extremely shy. However, that didn't stop me from saying "please" and "thank you" whenever it was appropriate.
In my opinion, it should never matter how shy a person is; that is no excuse for not being polite and respectful.
I am totally turned off by disrespect and since I see it more and more, I'm turned off more and more.
Then you wonder why I love my pets so much. LOL :cat: :cat: :dog: :dog:
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I'd vote for shy. If someone appears rude to me, I try to remember that not everyone is well-school in good manners and what is acceptable social interaction.
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It's basic manners to at least say hello to the host and a comment or two about "thanks for inviting me" or complimenting the food, the house etc. Being very shy myself, I rely heavily on making comments like those because I don't have anything else to say.
My parents were always insulted when friends I had over as a teenager didn't seek them out to say hello arriving or goodbye leaving. I think it's not a function of rudeness (my friends weren't absolute jerks) but that most people my age were just not taught to do that. Like "why would I say bye to your parents when they weren't even hanging out with us?" Not a lot of etiquette gets taught anymore.
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When I was very young I was extremely shy. However, that didn't stop me from saying "please" and "thank you" whenever it was appropriate.
In my opinion, it should never matter how shy a person is; that is no excuse for not being polite and respectful.
I am totally turned off by disrespect and since I see it more and more, I'm turned off more and more.
Then you wonder why I love my pets so much. LOL :cat: :cat: :dog: :dog:
Hi Bet...its been over 6 months our Penny has passed.I cant tell you how many times i have relived the last night with her taking her last breath between my wife and i after i pleaded with God to do something..her suffering was so bad.We have come close to adopting but havent quite pulled the trigger yet.Keep loving those pets.
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I get shy all the time I am a shy person
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When I was very young I was extremely shy. However, that didn't stop me from saying "please" and "thank you" whenever it was appropriate.
In my opinion, it should never matter how shy a person is; that is no excuse for not being polite and respectful.
I am totally turned off by disrespect and since I see it more and more, I'm turned off more and more.
Then you wonder why I love my pets so much. LOL :cat: :cat: :dog: :dog:
Hi Bet...its been over 6 months our Penny has passed.I cant tell you how many times i have relived the last night with her taking her last breath between my wife and i after i pleaded with God to do something..her suffering was so bad.We have come close to adopting but havent quite pulled the trigger yet.Keep loving those pets.
Hello Hitch,
It's been 8 months since we lost one of our beloved pets and I still miss her so very much. I think I know how you feel about not being ready to adopt again. If and hopefully when the time is right, you will know it.
Yes, we will always continue to love pets. When Jehovah gave the instruction to care for the earth and the animals, we took that responsibility very seriously and still do.
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My nephew has a new girlfriend has to be middle twenties at least - met her at Thanksgiving and then she came with him to my Christmas party. My brother-in-law says she is "shy" I think she is rude. At her age if she is that shy then she needs to at least be polite enough to say "Thanks for inviting me" I like your house, at least hi or goodbye. But not a peep I think that is totally rude. What do you guys think?
I think she was just shy. I have been shy all my life. I'm terrified meeting new people. Always have been and never know what to say.
Another example is my son's new girlfriend....she came to our Christmas Eve gathering, meeting everyone for the first time. She barely said a word all night and when it came time for gift giving, she was shocked that I handed her a gift, but very pleased that we thought of her. (The gift wasn't much but I have stuff just for occasions like this.) She seemed to relax after that and opened up a little bit, but was still uneasy. Anyway, when leaving, she gave me a hug and thanked us for including her. The next day thanked me again on FB.
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If she was there for the first time,maybe she was shy. Give her some time to know you and your family. I was shy at her age.
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I'm 32 and still super shy. I really can't help it. I have social anxiety. People need to be understanding of shy people.
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I understand how that could seem like she was being rude. But I also understand where she is coming from. She doesn't really know anyone in your family but her boyfriend. If she is introverted, she won't be inclined to do small talk because it is exhausting for introverts. Maybe she doesn't know what she has in common with your family. Plus some people are genuinely not inclined to talk if they don't have to. Or maybe she was raised with a different definition of polite than you were.
I say to give her another chance.
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I understand how that could seem like she was being rude. But I also understand where she is coming from. She doesn't really know anyone in your family but her boyfriend. If she is introverted, she won't be inclined to do small talk because it is exhausting for introverts. Maybe she doesn't know what she has in common with your family. Plus some people are genuinely not inclined to talk if they don't have to. Or maybe she was raised with a different definition of polite than you were.
I say to give her another chance.
If you read the OP comment this is not the first family engagement she has been to. She was at Thanksgiving and then at Christmas. If someone came to an event at my house twice and refused to speak to anyone I would think they didn't want to be there and would feel they were being rude and would not care if they didn't come again. I can see if no one spoke to her not going up and starting a conversation but surely her boyfriend introduced her to people and others there spoke to her.
More and more I see people like this going in and sitting there texting on their phone and half way looking up to respond if somebody speaks to them. I have seen this first hand.
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I think in my opinion i'm gonna have to say a little bit of both... It's deffinetly not hard to say something hi, bye, thank you, i like your house, have a great day, thanks for inviting me, Simply put It's mannerisms but again not everyone has those..
If she was shy i can also see where it may have put just a bit of stress.. because alot of times meeting family can be hard for some folks.. You got the first impressions.. the judgements and ironically family can be very critical. So i can deffinetly see where a shy person would sorta clam up and get nervous and or stressed about the situation and not talk.. You never can tell what is going through a person's mind at the time..
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unless so eine says something gbad then she is rude otherwise she might be shy
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countrygirl:
The incident you described (the gift) and what happened in this situation are not remotely the same.
You come off as rude many, many times, and I am aware that I do too. At least I have the self-awareness to know this.
Those of you who are saying that it is just plain rude are the rude ones because you do not attempt to understand that people are different. You just get up on your high horse and judge, judge, judge.
People who are shy or have social anxiety indeed do have problems even looking other people in the eye. So, to assume that it is so easy to say "thank you," is a bit rude on your part.
For all we know, she did not want to come because of her shyness, and her boyfriend dragged her there anyway because HE (like many of you) do not care about how anyone else feels; it is all about you. It is all about social norms with no regard to those who may be different.
Any attempt to judge someone else and you guys are on it like flies on a corpse.
Makes me not want to know any of you. I have a very shy, backwards brother who people have the audacity to assume is not very smart because he rarely speaks in front of strangers.
I avoid all parties because I have social anxiety disorder, OCD, and depression. I can rarely leave my home anymore.
Shame on every last one of you . . .
A group of snobs.
:cat: :dog:
LOL. YOU come off as rude as well. And yes the situations are exactly the same. If you are too scared to say hi then you need to stay at home in your little box. It is funny because this "social anxiety crap" didn't use to even be a thing.
No it is not rude to say someone else is rude for coming in to their home and not speaking. You are being rude for calling everyone else rude who does not agree with your line of thinking.
If you do not want to know any of us then why the heck are you in these forums talking to us? Oh so you can as you say get on YOUR high horse and judge all of us and yell at us and put us down? lol. You do the exact same thing you accuse others of doing.
If is hilarious that you say you have social anxiety but can hide behind your keyboard and tell everybody off. lol.
If someone comes in to MY home and refuses to speak to anyone then no I do not assume they are shy. Most likely they are stuck up conceited snobs that think they are better than every one else in attendance.
Yet, another example of countrygirls Hateful Bullying!
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Not rude indeed. I suffered incredible shyness for years around people. It's a phobia just like any other phobia. It's a mental condition. It was extremely hard for me to meet new people. I went through this through my 20's. Another example of countrygirls Hateful Bullying!
So now being shy is a medical condition? LOLOLOLOLOL
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She could be shy, but she SHOULD have at least thanked you for inviting her!