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Discussion Boards => Off-Topic => Topic started by: cateyes1 on March 15, 2019, 04:52:13 am
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Well, my daughters donor passed on the 13th of March and in 40 years she NEVER got to meet him. She is taking this better than I am, how do I let it go, all the bitterness I harbor of her father never acknowledging her over the years ? ?
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You are only hurting yourself by harboring bitterness. Certainly are not hurting him. And if she never even met him of course she isn't going to be upset that he died.
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You are only hurting yourself by harboring bitterness. Certainly are not hurting him. And if she never even met him of course she isn't going to be upset that he died.
When I told her of his passing she said "I dont know how to feel" so you may be right countrygirl12
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Just pray about it. God does answer prayers.
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Are sperm donors supposed to / expected to acknowledge their offspring? I guess I know nothing about it but I thought that type of thing was usually more or less anonymous
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You are only hurting yourself by harboring bitterness. Certainly are not hurting him. And if she never even met him of course she isn't going to be upset that he died.
When I told her of his passing she said "I dont know how to feel" so you may be right countrygirl12
Well, it IS her father. So it is going to effect her. She never knew him or met him so I can see where she doesn't really care. But I can understand what she is saying in "I don't know how to feel". Because her dad did die. Even if he never cared about her.
But as for YOU being upset because of how he done.... That only hurts you. Even when he was alive. You cannot change how other people act. So letting them keep you hurt is just a double whammy. I can guarantee they have moved on. Dwelling on the past doesn't hurt them. It just makes you unhappy. :(
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Are sperm donors supposed to / expected to acknowledge their offspring? I guess I know nothing about it but I thought that type of thing was usually more or less anonymous
I think you missed what she was saying. He was not an anonymous sperm donor. She called him that because he was never a father. He got her pregnant and was gone before the baby (their daughter) was born. Then he never acknowledged his daughter. There for you just refer to him as the sperm donor. But I can see where you would think what you did.
As far as the sperm banks and sperm donors like you are talking - no they do not have anything to do with the child and actually never even know if they have a child. I would hate to think I had a kid out there and didn't know where they were or how they were.
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I used a sperm donor to get pregnant and we were not allowed to know who he was. All I knew was he was a medical student and had been screened for any diseases.
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My parents divorced when I was 2 and my donor came to meet me at 32. He then went MIA again a year later with no goodbye or explanation. It hurt me more than if I'd never met him.
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I used a sperm donor to get pregnant and we were not allowed to know who he was. All I knew was he was a medical student and had been screened for any diseases.
I think you missed what she was saying.
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There is a saying that you do not miss what you never had. I didn't grow up with a father and I don't feel any anger towards him. I would have felt anger towards him if he would come around and then disappeared.
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I’m so very sorry that he passed away and that your daughter never got to meet him I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers
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My dad was around long enough to have three kids, then was killed racing cars at Ascot Speedway. I was the oldest at 3 and none of us ever know him, let alone heard about him from the family. So it was not much different, was it?
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That's a shame. Your daughter is grown you should be proud you were able to raise her by yourself. You have a right to be angry over the situation but how is that anger serving you now? It isn't. Let it go.
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There is a saying that you do not miss what you never had. I didn't grow up with a father and I don't feel any anger towards him. I would have felt anger towards him if he would come around and then disappeared.
I disagree. Talk to a kid in an orphanage. A kid who has never had parents. I guarantee they will tell you they miss having that.
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My father was killed in an accident when I was 10 and my sister was 2. I remembered and missed him, my sister has no memory of him so never missed him. it can be hard to miss something you don't remember and didn't know.
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My father was killed in an accident when I was 10 and my sister was 2. I remembered and missed him, my sister has no memory of him so never missed him. it can be hard to miss something you don't remember and didn't know.
That is true. You may not miss HIM but would miss having a father. And someone else may step up and fill the void. It is sad that your sister doesn't remember him at all. :(
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i thought sperm donation was confidental
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i thought sperm donation was confidental
You missed what she was saying. She did not use a "sperm donor" to get pregnant. She is calling her husband/boyfriend that because he got her pregnant then never had anything to do with the child. Her/their daughter. No if you go to a sperm bank you do not even know who the man is. And he is not expected to be in the child's life.
On that note I think if you get pregnant that way you should not ever be able to draw any kind of government help. Men need to take responsibility for the children they father. If you can't get pregnant without a sperm bank then maybe you are not suppose to have children. And you don't know the sperm bank is even telling you the truth. I remember a thing on the news where the owner was using his own sperm and NONE of the sperm donated. He fathered over 800 kids. So a lot of the kids in the area were probably marrying and brother and sister.
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Forgive and move on. You are only hurting yourself.
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When I told her of his passing she said "I dont know how to feel" so you may be right countrygirl12
Forgive the question if it feels too prying, but is this the same daughter who in the past had been refusing to speak with you? I only ask because you had spoken before about your heartbreak over that. Is this, then, a door opening to help start communicating again?
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Negative feelings bring on ill health. You would be better off to let it go. I am glad your daughter is taking it well.