FC Community
Discussion Boards => Off-Topic => Topic started by: brian8713 on January 09, 2019, 01:06:41 pm
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What would you guys do in my situation? Keep in mind my boyfriend's planning on moving in with me in less than 3 months. His house is a total mess, and I fear mine will resemble his if he moves in. Example: His mom gave me candy for Christmas. I put the wrappers TWICE in the trash can, and each time he took them out and put them on a table, because I'm supposed to keep it as a "souvenir" apparently. It's literally just trash that needs to go in the garbage.
He's controlling about what I wear ("You're wearing that?") and we also have to take showers together every day one of us spend the night. I don't like showers. I like baths. I'm usually freezing but he just thinks it's funny. I don't find it funny at all.
We just took our longest vacation together and let's just say I wasn't having the time of my life at Lindsay Lohan's Beach Club ... LOL. I was allowed one day to myself to rest. The rest of the time we were on the go and we saw some things that I enjoyed, but other times, I felt like I was being dragged/forced to do stuff I really didn't want to. There was even one situation where we got lost and I didn't feel safe.
He also was chatting with another guy. We agreed to have an open relationship, but it bothers me, so maybe I don't agree to it as much as he does.
I love him, but much of the time, I do not like him, if that makes any sense. His family is very passive-aggressive with him and frankly, I'm starting to see why.
He's really outgoing. I'm really shy. That seems to be the pattern for me. I date the life of the party types, yet they treat me like I'm beneath them. I'm starting to think I should just accept the fact that there isn't a person out there for me and move on as a single man. What do you guys think?
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Run....don't walk.... :P ::)
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I agree with NRAJUE. Run don't walk to the nearest exit and don't look back. I was married to one for 15 years felt like 50. But I had two boys and needed to raise them until they could be on their own. Left him and took the youngest with me as the older boy wanted stay there and grad. with his friends. He was also working and was not home much with his dad. By the time I had left I was down to 90 pounds and my nerves were a wreck and I had broke out in awful boles . The doctor was very concerned and even suggested it was time to get out. Man did I ever start feeling better. So like I said run.
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Wow, two people already say run. I was thinking more trying to talk to him about my issues with the relationship and see if we can reach a compromise before doing anything.
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So sorry, I'm not going to give you the answer you want. Like the first two said, run, dont walk from this relationship. It a toxic relationship and it's not going to improve. He is controlling you must take showers together, must do what he wants on vacation and the candy wrappers, sorry that's plain just sick. Go before he becomes physical and don't say he would never. Yes he will
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You really should not even have to think about this. Respect yourself, morals, habits and values. You will find the right person!
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I'm agreeing with everyone else here. This relationship is not healthy for you to be in. You should get out of the relationship before it becomes nearly impossible to (it will be considerably more difficult once he moves in). You deserve to be in a relationship where you feel safe and able to be yourself.
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Decide whether you want to break up with him before or after he moves in with you. That dude is absolutely annoying. I have OCD to the max, so a personality such as his would drive me up the wall.
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I have always felt that I would rather be alone than be with the wrong person.
It sounds to me like you are not at all happy in this relationship and you do deserve to be happy. The right person for you is out there you just have not met them yet.
So, I would suggest that you put on your sneakers and run !!
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Interesting replies. I don't think he'd ever hit me, but isn't that what they all say? I'd rather be alone than be with the wrong person too. Guess I have some thinking to do.
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I don't think you want to spend the rest of your life with this man. You deserve to live your life as you see fit...not forced into his definition of life. I'd walk.
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Do what your first mind tells you, if you don't feel good about him and his ways, don't move in with him or him with you. You don't need someone telling you what you should or shouldn't wear, it will only get worse. Make yourself happy first, be content, don't make a bad mistake for the rest of your life, love is given to those who deserves it. He has different ways about how to keep hygiene's. You're clean and he isn't.
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Yeah, I do find myself happiest when I'm single.
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I don't think you are going to like my response but I have to be honest. I was married for 34 years to someone like this and I'll be honest with you it was most of the time torment. I understand love. I loved my husband and maintained our marriage until his death. HOWEVER if I had it to do over I would not have lived with, married or had children with someone with these issues. Good luck take my word for it you are not going to change this man and it is a miserable life to live. If you persist in continuing this relationship I would suggest you make him go to counseling with you BEFORE moving in together. The candy wrapper thing is hoarding behavior and worse than my husband was which is scary for lack of a better term.
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What would you guys do in my situation? Keep in mind my boyfriend's planning on moving in with me in less than 3 months. His house is a total mess, and I fear mine will resemble his if he moves in. Example: His mom gave me candy for Christmas. I put the wrappers TWICE in the trash can, and each time he took them out and put them on a table, because I'm supposed to keep it as a "souvenir" apparently. It's literally just trash that needs to go in the garbage.
He's controlling about what I wear ("You're wearing that?") and we also have to take showers together every day one of us spend the night. I don't like showers. I like baths. I'm usually freezing but he just thinks it's funny. I don't find it funny at all.
We just took our longest vacation together and let's just say I wasn't having the time of my life at Lindsay Lohan's Beach Club ... LOL. I was allowed one day to myself to rest. The rest of the time we were on the go and we saw some things that I enjoyed, but other times, I felt like I was being dragged/forced to do stuff I really didn't want to. There was even one situation where we got lost and I didn't feel safe.
He also was chatting with another guy. We agreed to have an open relationship, but it bothers me, so maybe I don't agree to it as much as he does.
I love him, but much of the time, I do not like him, if that makes any sense. His family is very passive-aggressive with him and frankly, I'm starting to see why.
He's really outgoing. I'm really shy. That seems to be the pattern for me. I date the life of the party types, yet they treat me like I'm beneath them. I'm starting to think I should just accept the fact that there isn't a person out there for me and move on as a single man. What do you guys think?
Hello! :D :)
It seems like you are in a difficult situation you have to choose what is best for you. I was in a relationship with a jealous guy who was kinda controlling we didn't work out. It wasn't until we broke up that I begin seeing how unhealthy our relationship was. Love is blind you mate not see the damage it is doing to your life. Only fight for a love that you cherish and deserves you. Hope you are happy! :heart: :rose: :heart: :rose: :heart: :rose: :heart: :rose: :heart: :rose: :heart: :rose: :heart: :rose: :heart: :rose: :heart: :rose: :heart: :rose: :heart: :rose: :heart: :rose: :heart: :rose: :heart: :rose: :heart: :rose: :heart: :rose: :heart: :rose:
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Appreciate the advice from both of you. I could see myself very unhappy in the long-term in such a relationship. Not sure I'd be able to make it. Gives me a lot of thinking to do, and I appreciate everyone's candor here. No need to mince words with me.
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He is not going to change either accept him completely for all his flaws or walk away.
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If his house is a mess...so is his life.
I do not deal with people like that...
I avoid them at all cost!
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If you are having issues before living together, I would seriously think hard about the idea of living together. I don't like people who try to control me.
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Yeah, I do find myself happiest when I'm single.
Then WHY do you keep getting in to relationships and complaining about being unhappy? This is not the first time you have posted something like this. If you are happier being single --- Then be single.
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Get away as fast as you can. Remember the times you don't like him and RUN :o
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Yeah, I do find myself happiest when I'm single.
Then WHY do you keep getting in to relationships and complaining about being unhappy? This is not the first time you have posted something like this. If you are happier being single --- Then be single.
Good advice. I admire your bluntness. :)
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Hello,
This makes me so sad. Why are you still with him? You deserve much better. Leave this guy and be with a guy who will love you for who you are. Please don't tolerate his control and abuse.
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Yeah, I do find myself happiest when I'm single.
Then WHY do you keep getting in to relationships and complaining about being unhappy? This is not the first time you have posted something like this. If you are happier being single --- Then be single.
Good advice. I admire your bluntness. :)
lol. I don't do the coddle thing. Most snowflakes do not like me. haha
But seriously, if you are unhappy in relationships then be single. Nothing wrong with that. You can have friends and even friends you go out with. But live by yourself. You and your cat. Or was it a dog? Thought you had something with fur. :D
You do what you want, when you want, and how you want. You eat what you want and you don't have to save candy wrappers for keepsakes. (rolling eyes here)
You def do not want to let someone move in to YOUR residence that makes you unhappy!
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Sounds like an unbalanced relationship. Think about yourself. Go with your gut instinct.
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Get out now!!!!
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:) ;D :) If you seem to like this guy for certain traits, I would have a talk with him to see if he could give you the benefit of the doubt. Compromise with a few things, but not to many though. If he can't see things your way, I would be gone. Plenty of fish outside, nobody should be told what to do with their time. Good Luck! :) ;D :)
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Run as fast as you can, if he treats you this way now imagine how it will be after he moves in with you.
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Personally, I could never deal with a control freak. I like being able to be my own person and make my own decisions. If you truly feel the relationship is toxic, I would say perhaps it's time to end things. I don't think any toxic relationship is worth it. Ultimately, it's up to you, though.
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Yes, run don't walk.... ???
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Maybe he is looking for someone that can brainwash him. Yup brainwashing is an art, than you will have a loyal lover.
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Sounds like you two need to have a long talk (maybe he's having doubts too).
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Run and change your locks. You are heading into troubled waters with that one.
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I would be running or send him/her running
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Don't let him move in. Does he have a decent job? Don't settle- love yourself, stay positive and you will eventually meet someone with similar interests but let him stay where he is. Don't change for anyone.
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NO YOU have control, just LEAVE, geez ::) ::) ::) 8)
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Interesting replies. I don't think he'd ever hit me, but isn't that what they all say? I'd rather be alone than be with the wrong person too. Guess I have some thinking to do.
Yes, I think you do need to do some deep thinking about what you want and not what will make you happy necessarily, but what will give you peace of mind. I believe your key words were you don't particularly like him. This is so key. Sometimes we stay involved with someone because they meet some need we have but it's only a very partial picture. Look at the ther parts of the picture and read your post on here several times. I think the answer to what you should do in this relationship is actually imbedded in your own post.