Show Posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.

Topics - paints

Pages: 1 2 3 ... 7
Off-Topic / Way to close a sermon!
« on: July 08, 2019, 10:05:23 am »Message ID: 1283433
A pastor was completing a sermon on temperance.

"If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it in the river!"

With even greater emphasis, he continued, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it in the river!!"

Finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd throw it in the river, too!!"

Finished, he sat down, and the song leader stood up to lead the closing hymn.

"For our closing song, let us sing hymn number 365,  "Shall We Gather at the River..."

Off-Topic / I don't understand...
« on: June 06, 2019, 08:00:21 am »Message ID: 1278768
how a cemetery can raise its funeral prices, and blame it on the cost of living...

Off-Topic / Man and woman on a train
« on: June 02, 2019, 10:50:49 am »Message ID: 1278041
Woman:  Every time you smile, I feel like inviting you to my place.

Man:  Aww...are you single?

Woman:  No, I'm a dentist!

Oops!   ;D

Off-Topic / What do you call
« on: May 14, 2019, 04:13:18 pm »Message ID: 1275315
A bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?

Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer...  :D

Debate & Discuss / Ignorance
« on: April 29, 2019, 12:17:18 am »Message ID: 1272863
Does no one read anymore?

Fact check?

Question whether or not what our "leaders" tell us is truth or fiction?

Payment Pictures / My $29.00 PayPal cashout payment
« on: March 30, 2019, 01:43:22 pm »Message ID: 1268236

This image was posted automatically.

Debate & Discuss / Coincidence or answered prayer?
« on: February 25, 2019, 09:30:55 pm »Message ID: 1263408
Awhile back, I got interested in baking bread.  It was a little frustrating because most of the recipes I've found make anywhere from 2 to 4 loaves, and I only had one loaf pan.  I was baking either one loaf at a time, or using different sized pans. 

One day, after it had taken almost all day to get the bread baked, and having to figure out how long the different sized loaves would take to bake, I said, "Lord, I really need some bread pans...and maybe a blender too, if you don't mind..."

A few days later, I had to go to the apartment complex office.  As I walked in, I noticed there were some things on the free table, so I walked over to check it out.  Sitting right on the end, there were 4 bread pans and a blender. 

Off-Topic / The things children say
« on: February 23, 2019, 12:20:36 pm »Message ID: 1263031
A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew came in and began building a house on the empty lot. The family's 5-year-old daughter became interested in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.

Eventually, the construction crew, all of them gems-in-the-rough, more or less adopted her as a project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they took coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At the end of the first week, the men presented her with a pay envelope which contained $20.00. The little girl took this home to her mother, who said all the appropriate words of admiration, and suggested that they take the money she received to the bank to start a savings account.

When they talked to the bank teller, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had earned her very own pay check at such a young age. The child proudly replied, "I worked last week with the crew building the house next door to us."

"My goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"

The little girl replied, "I will if those *bleep* at Home Depot ever deliver the *bleep*' sheet rock..."

Off-Topic / Christopher Hasson
« on: February 22, 2019, 11:43:53 am »Message ID: 1262901
White supremacist.  Domestic terrorist.  Coast Guard. 

Stockpiled weapons, drugs and ammunition.
Drew up a target list of prominent cable news journalists, and Democratic politicians to be killed.
Wrote that he wanted to murder civilians on a scale unseen before.

But Jussie Smollet, right? 

Off-Topic / Did you know...
« on: January 27, 2019, 09:11:38 pm »Message ID: 1258702
Sinks aren't supposed to hold water?

That's what my maintenance man said.

I had a cracked pipe in the faucet, and water was pouring out underneath the sink. 
He replaced the faucet and the pipes underneath, and no more leak. 
Except when I filled the sink, the water drained out. 

He said it's all right, that bathroom sinks aren't supposed to hold water.   

Off-Topic / That was weird...
« on: January 23, 2019, 09:00:44 pm »Message ID: 1258181
I was doing the PTC, and one of the four pages I visited was Weather.
I noticed it had a forecast at the bottom that said "Rain starting in 73 minutes."

73 minutes later, it's raining...

Debate & Discuss / Walls
« on: December 31, 2018, 09:56:59 am »Message ID: 1254180
Fixed fortifications are monuments to man's stupidity. If mountain ranges and oceans can be overcome, anything made by man can be overcome."
Gen. George S. Patton

Payment Pictures / My $28.40 PayPal cashout payment
« on: December 10, 2018, 12:57:12 pm »Message ID: 1251133

This image was posted automatically.

« on: September 21, 2018, 11:38:03 pm »Message ID: 1238697
John Reilly was on the side of the road hitchhiking back to Dublin on a very dark night and in the midst of a big storm.

The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stopped.

John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got into the car and closed the door... only to realize there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on. The car started moving slowly.
John looked at the road ahead and saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life.

Then, just before the car hit the curve, a hand appeared out of nowhere through the window, and turned the wheel. John, paralyzed with terror, watched as the hand came through the window, but never touched or harmed him.

Shortly thereafter, John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road, so, gathering strength; he jumped out of the car and ran to it. Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he had just had.

A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realized he was crying... and wasn't drunk.

Suddenly, the door opened, and two other people walked in from the dark and stormy night. They, like John, were also soaked and out of breath. Looking around, and seeing John Reilly sobbing at the bar, one said to the other...

Look Frank... there's that fooking idiot that got in the car while we were pushing it!!!!

Off-Topic / Computers and Thunderstorms
« on: September 10, 2018, 08:49:29 pm »Message ID: 1237293
Or,  "Why I Don't Leave My Laptop Plugged In All The Time"

I had just unplugged the laptop from the charger when BOOM!  The lights went out, the windows rattled, and I heard a loud pop.  My surge protector is fried. 

Pages: 1 2 3 ... 7