Messages

1

Off-Topic / Re: Jokes

« on: June 09, 2008, 09:11:56 am »Message ID: 28124

Funny Jokes...keep it up...

here's another one

Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!

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Off-Topic / Re: Jokes

« on: June 08, 2008, 12:54:12 am »Message ID: 28056

another joke

Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
 

3

Off-Topic / Re: Jokes

« on: May 13, 2008, 03:20:23 am »Message ID: 26358

keep up with the jokes there's been some funny ones......

mike

here's another....

the hurting blonde

A brunette goes to the doctor, and says, "Doctor I'm hurting all over my body."

"That's odd", replied the doctor, "Show me what you mean"

So the girl takes her finger and pokes her elbow, and screams in pain. She touches her knee and cries in agony and so on.

The doctor says, "You're not a natural brunette are you?"

"No I'm a blonde", she replies.

"I thought so.... your finger is broken.", replies the doctor.

 

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Payments / Re: payments

« on: April 19, 2008, 11:59:54 am »Message ID: 24732

who would i talk to if i haven't got my check....

thanks..
mike

5

Off-Topic / Re: Jokes

« on: November 18, 2007, 07:44:05 pm »Message ID: 10724

What causes people to have arthritis?
A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes, the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, father, what causes arthritis?"

"Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man."

"Well I'll be." the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long did you have arthritis?"

"I don't have it father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."

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Off-Topic / Re: Jokes

« on: November 18, 2007, 07:01:47 pm »Message ID: 10709

The blonde Thanksgiving dinner
It was the first time the blonde was eating Thanksgiving dinner without her family. Trying to re-enact the tradition, she prepared a dinner for herself alone. The next day, her mother called to see how everything went.

"Oh, mother, I made myself a lovely dinner, but I had so much trouble trying to eat the turkey!" said the daughter.

"Did it not taste good?" her mother asked.

"I don't know," the blonde said. "It wouldn't sit still!"

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Off-Topic / Re: Jokes

« on: November 14, 2007, 12:33:59 am »Message ID: 10164

Actual stupid questions asked
The below excerpts appeared in the Salt Lake Tribune. They were taken from real court records.
Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?

Q: What happened then?
A: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me."
Q: Did he kill you?

Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?

The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Were you alone or by yourself?

Q: I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture?
A: That's me.
Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?

Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?

Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Q: Now then, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
A: I'll be three months on March 12th.
Q: Apparently then, the date of conception was around January 12th?
A: Yes.
Q: What were you doing at that time?

Do you have any children or anything of that kind?

Was that the same nose you broke as a child?

Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?
A: I used to be.
Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

So, you were gone until you returned?

You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it?

Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?
A: Not yet.

A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself and said, "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question."

Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined that body of Mr. Huntington at St. Mary's Hospital?
A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 5:30 P.M.
Q: And Mr. Huntington was dead at the time, is that correct?
A: No, you idiot, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was performing an autopsy on him!

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Off-Topic / Re: Jokes

« on: November 12, 2007, 04:36:33 pm »Message ID: 9866

Q: What do you call a smart blond?
A: A golden retriever.

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Off-Topic / Re: Jokes

« on: November 12, 2007, 02:36:44 am »Message ID: 9771

                                         -I Want to Buy That-


A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.

The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.

The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.

Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.

Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.

To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.

The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"

The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"

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Off-Topic / Re: Jokes

« on: November 07, 2007, 01:58:38 am »Message ID: 9234

  A rather attractive woman goes up to the register in an upscale hamburger establishment. She gestures alluringly to a large man who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress is cheek, which is slowly turning a crimson red.
"Are you the owner?" she asks, now softly stroking his face with both hands.

"No" he replies, "I'm just the manager."

"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she asks, running her hands up beyond his ears and into his hair.

"I''m afraid I can't," breathes the manager clearly aroused. "He's in the back doing taxes right now. Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message."

She continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

"Tell him" she says "that there is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies room."
 

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Off-Topic / Re: Jokes

« on: November 06, 2007, 08:47:27 am »Message ID: 9091

Another Joke:

 
  In a murder trial...   
 
     In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner:

Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse?

Coroner: No.

Attorney: Did you listen to the heart?

Coroner: No.

Attorney: Did you check for breathing?

Coroner: No.

Attorney: So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?

Coroner: Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess it's possible he could be out there practicing law somewhere.
 

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Off-Topic / Jokes

« on: November 06, 2007, 05:34:14 am »Message ID: 9071

Hello There,
i was sitting here bored so i thought that maybe i'd come up with a topic to throw out there...so if you know a joke please share...

here's one to start off:

Q: How Many Blonde Jokes is there?

A: None, they're all true

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Off-Topic / Re: MYSPACE L@@K

« on: October 30, 2007, 12:07:13 am »Message ID: 8083

at One point I had 15,897...before i narrowed it down to 144

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Off-Topic / Re: World Series

« on: October 28, 2007, 10:16:55 pm »Message ID: 7855

2007 World Series Champs: Boston Red Sox after 84 Years between titles now 2 in 4 Years...I would have to say the curse has been reversed....2007 also became the only post-season where there were more sweeps than any other year with 5....

Boston Rulz

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Off-Topic / World Series

« on: October 26, 2007, 10:39:15 pm »Message ID: 7616

How about the World Series? Who is Everyone Going For? I'm Going For Boston....As Long as the Yankees are not in it I don't care who wins...Yankess can kiss my ....GO BOSTON