Topics

16

Off-Topic / Old cowboy in a pharmacy (joke)

« on: April 13, 2019, 08:53:45 pm »Message ID: 1270838

A old Cowboy walks into a pharmacy.                                                                                                                                                                  Cowboy: "Give me three packets of condoms, please."

 

Cashier: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"

 

Cowboy: "Nah.   She ain't that ugly."

17

Off-Topic / golf ball (joke)

« on: April 13, 2019, 08:31:13 pm »Message ID: 1270833

A man got on the bus with both of his front
trouser pockets full of golf *bleep*
>>and sat down next to a
beautiful (you guessed it) blonde. The puzzled blonde
>>kept looking at him and his
bulging pockets.
>>
>>Finally, after many glances from her, he said, "It's golf *bleep*."
>>The blonde continued to look
at him for a very long time, thinking deeply about what he had said.
>>After several minutes, not
being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked,
>>"Does it hurt as much as
tennis elbow ?"

18

Off-Topic / New Husband store. (Joke)

« on: April 11, 2019, 05:24:55 pm »Message ID: 1270487

A store that sells new husbands has  opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband.  Among the instructions at the entrance is a  description of how the store operates:


You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products  increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!



So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: 


Floor 1 -  These men Have Jobs. 


She is intrigued, but continues to the second  floor, where the sign reads: 


Floor 2 -  These men Have Jobs and Love Kids. 


'That's  nice,'  she thinks, 'but I want more.' 


So she continues  upward. The third floor sign reads: 


Floor 3 -  These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking. 


'Wow,' she  thinks, but feels compelled to keep  going. 


She goes to  the fourth floor and the sign  reads: 


Floor  4 -  These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

'Oh, mercy me!' she  exclaims, 'I can hardly stand  it!' 

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign  reads: 


Floor  5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with  Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic   Streak. 


She is so empted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the  sign  reads: 


Floor  6 - You  are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on  this  floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are  impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

19

Off-Topic / Idiosyncrasies of english (joke)

« on: March 31, 2019, 08:37:49 am »Message ID: 1268414

1. one tequila, two tequila, three tequila..... floor.
 
2. atheism is a non-prophet organization.
 
3. if man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
 
4. the main reason that santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
 
5. i went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “where’s the self-help section?” she said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
 
6. what if there were no hypothetical questions?
 
7. if a deaf child signs swear words, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
 
8. if someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
 
9. is there another word for synonym?
 
10. where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all?”
 
11. what do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
 
12. if a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
 
13. would a fly without wings be called a walk?
 
14. why do they lock gas station bathrooms? are they afraid someone will break in and clean them?
 
15. if a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
 
16. can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
 
17. if the police arrest a mute, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
 
18. why do they put braille on the drive-through bank machines?
 
19. how do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?
 
20. what was the best thing before sliced bread?
 
21. one nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
 
22. does the little mermaid wear an algebra?
(this one took me a minute)
 
23. do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
 
24. how is it possible to have a civil war?
 
25. if one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
 
26. if you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
 
27. if you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
 
28. whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have 's' in it?
 
29. why are hemorrhoids called “hemorrhoids” instead of “assteroids?”
 
30. why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?
 
31. why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
 
32. if you spin an oriental man in a circle three times, does he become disoriented?
 
33. can an atheist get insurance against acts of god?
 

20

Offers / New Tap Research response

« on: March 20, 2019, 02:18:04 pm »Message ID: 1266878

This is the email: Darin,
Apologies for the delay. We are currently working with Fusion Cash to resolve this issue, and we hope to have a resolution shortly.

Sincerely,

Sarah Murray
Customer Service Manager
 

21

Offers / got a email from tap research, the is what they said

« on: March 05, 2019, 04:13:32 pm »Message ID: 1264883

Hi Darin,
Thank you for reaching out! I am so sorry you're having this trouble. We are aware of the issue, and we're currently in the process of working on a resolution. I will let you know when I have an update.

Sincerely,

Sarah Murray
Customer Service Manager
 

On March 3, 2019, 4:01 PM CST support@tapresearch.com wrote:

22

Off-Topic / extreme redneck jokes

« on: February 28, 2019, 04:11:53 pm »Message ID: 1263853

You're An EXTREME Redneck When...
 1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
 
 2.  The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.
 
 3.  You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
 
 4.  You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night.
 
 5.  You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.
 
 6.  Someone in your family died right after saying, 'Hey, guys, watch this.'
 
 7.  You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
 
8.  Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
 
 9.  Your junior prom offered day care.
 
10. You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are 'Gentlemen, start your engines.'
 
11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
 
12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
 
13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
 
14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
 
15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
 
16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
 
17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
 
18. Popping the hood involves removing at least two bungee cords.
 

23

Off-Topic / Political Jokes

« on: February 28, 2019, 04:08:52 pm »Message ID: 1263851

Last Saturday afternoon in Washington, D.C. an aide to Nancy Pelosi visited the Bishop of the Catholic Cathedral in D.C. He told the Cardinal that Nancy Pelosi would be attending the next day's Mass, and asked if the Cardinal would kindly point out Pelosi to the congregation and say a few words that would include calling Pelosi a saint. The Cardinal replied, "No. I don't really like the woman, and there are issues of conflict with the Catholic Church over some of Pelosi's views." Pelosi's aide then said, "Look, I'll write a check here and now for a donation of $100,000 to you if you'll just tell the congregation you see Pelosi as a saint." The Cardinal thought about it and said, "Well, the Church can use the money, so I'll work your request into tomorrow's sermon." As Pelosi's aide promised, Nancy Pelosi appeared for the Sunday worship and seated herself prominently at the forward left side of the center aisle. As promised, at the start of his sermon, the Cardinal pointed out that Ms. Pelosi was present. The Cardinal went on to explain to the congregation, "While Ms. Pelosi's presence is probably an honor to some, the woman is not numbered among my personal favorite personages. Some of her most egregious views are contrary to tenets of the Church, and she tends to flip-flop on many other issues. Nancy Pelosi is a petty, self-absorbed hypocrite, a thumb sucker, and a nit-wit. Nancy Pelosi is also a serial liar, a cheat, and a thief. I must say, Nancy Pelosi is the worst example of a Catholic I have ever personally witnessed. She married for money and is using her wealth to lie to the American people. She also has a reputation for shirking her Representative obligations both in Washington and in California . The woman is simply not to be trusted." The Cardinal concluded. “But, when compared with Hillary Clinton, Ms. Pelosi is a saint."

24

Off-Topic / Presidential nominees from bankrupt states

« on: January 27, 2019, 08:40:58 am »Message ID: 1258587

Why would anyone vote for a president from a state that overspends and has no job growth.  California's debt is so high that we would have to pay someone to take it.  All there jobs are leaving and they keep going higher with taxes.  Instead of making these states better for businesses they pass laws about straws.  Let them sink.

25

Off-Topic / surveys asking for executives

« on: October 28, 2018, 07:13:32 am »Message ID: 1244214

I don't understand how they think a executive would do a survey for a dollar.

26

Off-Topic / political correctness, means?

« on: May 29, 2018, 04:24:19 pm »Message ID: 1218180

Every time i watch a movie or a show they try to tell me right is wrong, left is right, I'm sorry people but rules about living are simple stop trying to change them,  Bible, Constitution, America was founded on these, thats why we have always prospered.  Without we will fall.

27

Off-Topic / solo

« on: May 29, 2018, 04:18:38 pm »Message ID: 1218176

I love this movie just because its true to the original, and no political correctness. 

28

Off-Topic / Billions

« on: April 25, 2018, 02:55:36 pm »Message ID: 1211268

Started to watch and its getting better.

29

Off-Topic / America more taxes are bad, lowering taxes is GOOD

« on: January 25, 2018, 02:41:42 pm »Message ID: 1193349

Could someone explain this to all the millennials.  It seems that Bernie Sanders taught all of them Economics.   Make AMERICA great again. 

30

Off-Topic / California wants to raise state tax to 18%

« on: January 24, 2018, 04:37:56 pm »Message ID: 1193206

So if you if you vote lawmakers in that say they'll raise your taxes.  They will.  And you will suffer.  California will be bankrupt along with New York, Illinois, and New Jersey.  When there is no work there and you finally leave,  leave your politics there and join something that works.