FCC- Florezitta's Comedy Corner :)

[TaintedLust]

   very awesome topic. Everyone needs to laugh. I do all the time. My daughter makes me laugh.

[florezitta10]

  Florezitta, absolutely LOVE the jokes you've been posting!!  I hadn't heard any of them before and they made my day---thank you!!

Thanks I have had some help :0 you are welcome to post some if you have any

[kqa]

All of this is very interesting and entertaining.  Thank you!

[irishlady1970]

Here's a funny one I heard the other day.
After a Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.

The guy from Corona sits down and says, "I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.

The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers,' a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.

The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.

The guy from Guiness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.

The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask, "Why aren't you drinking a Guiness?" and the Guiness resident replies "Well, if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither will I."

[irishlady1970]

One more joke just for good measure.

The FDA is considering additional warnings on beer and alcohol bottles, such as:

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a moron.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember).

WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Thor.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause a disruption in the space-time continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to "disappear."

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.

[florezitta10]

Here's a funny one I heard the other day.
After a Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.

The guy from Corona sits down and says, "I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.

The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers,' a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.

The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.

The guy from Guiness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.

The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask, "Why aren't you drinking a Guiness?" and the Guiness resident replies "Well, if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither will I."

hahaha good one I like it...

[ronie_23]

Hi Florezitta, this is another great idea. So I have a joke or two to add to your funny jokes. I need to warn any blondes, if you are easily offended by blonde jokes, don't read this.

A highway patrolman pulled up alongside a speeding car on the freeway. As the officer peered through the driver's window, he was astounded to find that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting. The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver, "Pull over!" at the top of his lungs. "No!" the blonde yelled back, "Scarf!"

Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they just couldn't! The blonde with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath. The other blonde said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you."

These were funny!!!!

[TaintedLust]

Last night I got bored so I went onto youtube on my phone and searched Pregnancy and came across the funniest video of a little boy. He was holding a pregnancy test and his dad asked him why did he want his mom to take it and he responded " I wanna know if mommy is married ". Another funny video is a baby boy dancing to beyonce single ladies. It's so darn cute

[purplerush44]

I found out my dad is allergic to cotton.
He has pills to take for this, but he can't get them out of the bottle.

Customer: I want to add something nice to my motorcycle, but can't decide what to get.
Clerk: How about a radio? You can talk to your wife while you ride.
Customer: If I wanted to do that, I'd just take the car.

[koolaid614]

Three women are at a house, one redhead, one brunette, and one blonde.

A genie appears and says the women can say anything, but if they tell a lie, the disappear.

The redhead says, "I think I am the smartest woman ever," and she disappears.

The brunette says, "I think I am the most beautiful woman on Earth," and she disappears.

The blonde says, "I think-" and she disappears.

[irishlady1970]

I just love those blonde jokes, they make me chuckle every time. A good laugh at an equally good joke is definitely the best medicine and really lifts ones spirits. My father used to tell jokes all the time when I was growing up in Ireland and I remember falling around laughing at them. Thanks for the comedy corner Florezitta, this is a great idea.

[cjobey99]

Thank you all, Florezitta and Irishlady should go on the road. Great site, positive vibes, and I don't even mind the blond jokes.

[spendsitwell]

A blonde and a redhead met for dinner after work and were watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"

Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owned. The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend." The blonde said, "No. A bet's a bet."

So the redhead said, "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this one on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money."

The blonde replied, "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"

[spendsitwell]

My favorite of all times.   LMAO

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead show up for the same job interview. The brunette is the first one to go in, and after filling out the forms and going through the questions, the interviewer decides to ask her last question:

“How many D’s are there in “INDIANA JONES”"?
The brunette thinks for a second and responds “One”.

The interviewer sends her back with a promise that he’ll get back to her after he had interviewed the remaining candidates.

The redhead is next. The process goes about the same, and at the end: “How many D’s are there in INDIANA JONES”?
She immediately says “One”. The interviewer says, “OK, we’ll let you know”.

Then the blonde comes into the room, goes through the questions, and finally gets asked: “How many D’s are there in INDIANA JONES”.
She gets a very serious look on her face and starts counting her fingers, muttering: “2, 4, 6 …., hmmm “ wait,… 2, 4, 6 …. can I borrow your calculator please?”

After going through 15 minutes of intense calculating, she finally comes up with the answer: “Thirty two”

The interviewer is stunned and asks her: “Ok, now tell me, how the hell did you arrive at this answer?”

She replys, “Da-da-da daaa, da-da-da. Da-da-da DAAA, da-da da, da da!”

[irishlady1970]

I just want to share one of my favorite jokes which is a letter from a mother to her child. I have to say that each time I read this I laugh so hard I cry. I remember the first time I actually read this letter at home in Ireland. I hope you all enjoy it as much as I do.

From A Mother With Love
Dear Child,

I am writing this slow because I know that you can't read fast.

We don't live where we did when you left home.
Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home so we moved.
I won't be able to send you the address, as the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they left so that they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is real nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure if it works too well though.
Last week I put a load in, pulled the chain, and haven't seen them since.

The weather isn't too bad here., it only rained twice last week, The first time it rained for three days and the second time for four days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Steve said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. We got another bill from the funeral home.
They said if we don't make the last payment on Grandma's grave, up she comes. John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were worried because it took him two hours to get me and Shelby out.

Your sister had a baby this morning but I haven't found out what it is yet, so I don't know if you're an aunt or an uncle. If the baby is a girl, your sister is going to name it after me, she's going to call it Mom.

Uncle Pete fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some man tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated and he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.

There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.

PS, I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed.