~* Humorous and Funny Quotes *~

[tzs]

" Always take the opportunity to Pee"
-Anonymous

[anitaraemillspalmer]

"A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life."

~ William Arthur Ward ~


"Start every day off with a smile and get it over with."
 
~ W. C. Fields ~



"A man doesn't know what he knows until he knows what he doesn't know."
 
~ Laurence J. Peter ~



"Before I refuse to take your questions, I have an opening statement."
 
~ Ronald Reagan ~

Men have only 2 faults...everything they say and everything they do...no I'm not a man hater just never forgot that one

[DeliriousKris]

Prejudice is a great time saver. You can form opinions without having to get the facts.
E. B. White

[DeliriousKris]

"Weather forecast for tonight: dark."
George Carlin

[DeliriousKris]

Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.
Anthony Burgess

[DeliriousKris]

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.
Henny Youngman

[plennis]

From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere.
Dr. Seuss

[DeliriousKris]

Comedians, we're just people who whine. But we happen to be funny when we whine.
Artie Lange

[DeliriousKris]

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.”
― Jim Henson

[linderlizzie]

An oldie but a goodie, since all the funny quotes I've ever heard in my entire life are already included in this forum thread:

Why don't monsters eat clowns? 

Because they taste funny.

Badumbum

[DeliriousKris]

“Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.”
― Paul Terry

[DeliriousKris]

“I don't hate people. I just feel better when they aren't around.”
― Charles Bukowski

[alice44]

These are great.  I am not creative enough to make up or remember such quotes.

[DeliriousKris]

I changed my password everywhere to 'incorrect.' That way when I forget it, it always reminds me, 'Your password is incorrect.'
Anonymous

[lguzman1]

I like all the funny quotes, but don't know any. Sorry