Money sure can cause problems

[demaina]

I don't quite get this.  I have two friends that are sisters that are sorta good on this subject, but if you really talk to them about it, one is really upset at the whole ordeal.

My friend Amanda (not her real name) went to college and got a Bachelors and wants to go for post graduate degree because she basically needs it to get a job.

My other friend Andrea (not her real name) went to college and got a Bachelors and is now searching for a job.  That's really all she needs for a job and has become buying textbooks for further her studies while searching.

Their parents agreed to pay for their education, which they both figured was just undergrad.  Once Amanda started to get her masters degree, her parents decided they would help her pay for it as well but they only did this after she had paid for a full year herself.  So, they have been giving her checks to pay her back.  Well, they decided that while Andrea isn't getting a degree, she's further her education as well by studying on her own and have started paying her the same amount as well to make up for what she's done.  I've talked to her and she's been buying some really expense software that she needs to know to get a job.

Apparently the fact that Andrea is getting money upsets Amanda.  Andrea was telling me that on more than one occasion Amanda has brought up how it annoys her that her sister gets money too and tries to get Andrea to agree that it's unfair.


I just don't understand it.  I can see Amanda's point that she is getting money to pay for her college.  But, I also see Andrea's point that she's spent thousands on books and software as well to further her education and while it isn't college, it still is education.  The thing I don't quite get is how Amanda is upset by this.  So, she should get money but not her sister, though they are both trying to learn more about the career they want to have?  And, from what Andrea says, it's like Amanda wants her to tell her parents to stop paying her.  It's like, these numbers are probably no accurate, but Amanda gets to have 30,000 spent on her education, but Andrea only gets to have 20,000 spent on hers and she has to pay the 10,000 for the education afterwards. 

It just really amazes me that this is what people argue or worry about.  I mean really, you're upset that you get the same amount of money as your sister.  REALLY?

What do you all think?  I've sorta been in the middle of this for a while with both telling me that they are frustrated about this.  Andrea wants Amanda to stop bugging her about it and just seems to be angry about it but putting on a happy front until something else upsets her and then she explodes.  I don't really know what to say to either cause, 1) it isn't my place and 2) I can see both sides and don't quite get all the fuss.  For Andrea, she's never going to convince Amanda to back off unless she stops taking the money, but then that might upset her parents, and Amanda either needs to let it go or confront her parents and have them tell her what they think.

[msmoneybags48]

I would not be upset that my sister gets the same amount of money as me.  To get money from your parents is a blessing in itself. 

Amanda should not be that angry at Andrea because she is getting the same amount of money as her.  To me, she is saying that Andrea should turn down the money from her parents.  That is being rather selfish in my opinion, don't you think?

[kapeh12]

Based on the scenario presented above, it sounds to me as if Amanda feels she's somehow entitled to the money she's receiving.

First, the money both are receiving are their PARENTS' money - they are free to distribute their money however they see fit.  For each of the girls, at this stage in their lives, both should be grateful for whatever financial support their parents decide to dole out.

Getting money from parents beyond undergraduate is very rare, even more so in this economy.  It sounds as if Andrea is grateful for the money she's receiving, and is using the money to further her education outside of formal university studies.  She's not blowing it buying drinks at bars every night (although if she was doing this and their parents chose to give her this money to make it "even" between their girls, so be it...).

As a friend, I would caution Amanda to stop complaining about this, as if she continues to do so, she may seem ungrateful for the money she's receiving from her parents, and they may choose to cut her off due to her attitude.  I know if I had a daughter who demonstrated such behavior, I would stop the money flow just to them, and keep the money flowing to their siblings who are grateful for the support just to teach them a lesson.

Amanda should be reminded that she should simply be grateful that her parents chose to continue to support her, as most people in her position are fully on their own to support themselves...and stop being concerned about what money her parents choose to distribute to her sister.  It's completely irrelevant.

For Andrea, as long as she has a clear conscience about how she's using the money she's receiving, and is grateful to her parents for such support, she should ignore her sister's complaints.  Don't argue back.  Tell her sister that this was their parents' decision, she's grateful for their support, and if her sister has a problem with it to take it up with them...end of discussion.  And don't address the topic with her sister any more after that - let her sister rant as long as she needs, but don't respond or justify anything.

[linderlizzie]

It's too bad they can't both just make it on their own. I hope their parents have enough in their retirement now that they're footing the bill for these selfish girls.

I'm not judging them. We're all selfish. But the parents have a problem as well.

[hollister237]

Wow Amanda is being really selfish here. Does she know that her sister is spending the money on education or does she think she is being frivolous? Some people have to pay for college all on their own! She should be thankful that her parents are paying for her college and stop worrying about what other people are getting.

[countrygirl12]

They should both be glad mommy and daddy are giving them obviously quite a bit of money every month.  Most people by the time they are as old as these two are supporting themselves and not sponging off their parents.  If I was tired enough of hearing it I would point that out to them.

[hawkeye3210]

Sounds like a nice problem to have.

[jorhea]

I agree with what someone else already said. It is their parents money and they can choose how they want to give it to them. I think it is great that their parents are able to help them out this much and obviously want to.

[jracki]

Count you blessings!

[aflyingmonkey]

I paid for my own college & it was a struggle, I think both the girls are fortunate that their parents are giving them money to help them not get into the student loan debt.   The one doesn't know how truly fortunate she is.

First world problems.

[Timberlan127]

If I were you I would try to stay as neutral as possible since this is obviously a jealousy issue. I admire their parents for treating their daughters equally!! They are so lucky that their parents could afford to pay for their education!! Most kids today are stuck with large student loans to pay back.

[inertia4]

It is just a simple thing here. One sister is jealous of the other for getting money. Some people are just like that.

[sherryinutah]

Money can be a problem....

for some people; however, it can be a tremendous blessing for others....

like myself.   

[acurtsinger2]

my parents didnt pay for my school, didnt buy me my first car or put a down payment on my first house.  they both should feel blessed that they have generous and wealthy parents

[tuyetmai]

I don't know why they arguing with what their parents try to give them.  The money is their and they give to whoever they want none of Amanda or Andrea business to say about it.  I don't get why are they fight?... They should be thankful instead.  A lot people out there need to continue to study and cannot have an opportunity.