Sperm Donor

[cateyes1]

Well, my daughters donor passed on the 13th of March and in 40 years she NEVER got to meet him. She is taking this better than I am, how do I let it go, all the bitterness I harbor of her father never acknowledging her over the years ? ?

[countrygirl12]

You are only hurting yourself by harboring bitterness. Certainly are not hurting him.  And if she never even met him of course she isn't going to be upset that he died.

[cateyes1]

You are only hurting yourself by harboring bitterness. Certainly are not hurting him.  And if she never even met him of course she isn't going to be upset that he died.

When I told her of his passing she said "I dont know how to feel" so you may be right countrygirl12

[ghunter]

Just pray about it.  God does answer prayers.

[pectacon]

Are sperm donors supposed to / expected to acknowledge their offspring? I guess I know nothing about it but I thought that type of thing was usually more or less anonymous

[countrygirl12]

You are only hurting yourself by harboring bitterness. Certainly are not hurting him.  And if she never even met him of course she isn't going to be upset that he died.

When I told her of his passing she said "I dont know how to feel" so you may be right countrygirl12

Well, it IS her father.  So it is going to effect her.  She never knew him or met him so I can see where she doesn't really care.  But I can understand what she is saying in "I don't know how to feel".  Because her dad did die.  Even if he never cared about her.

But as for YOU being upset because of how he done....  That only hurts you.  Even when he was alive.  You cannot change how other people act.  So letting them keep you hurt is just a double whammy. I can guarantee they have moved on.  Dwelling on the past doesn't hurt them.  It just makes you unhappy. 

[countrygirl12]

Are sperm donors supposed to / expected to acknowledge their offspring? I guess I know nothing about it but I thought that type of thing was usually more or less anonymous

I think you missed what she was saying.  He was not an anonymous sperm donor.  She called him that because he was never a father.  He got her pregnant and was gone before the baby (their daughter) was born.  Then he never acknowledged his daughter.  There for you just refer to him as the sperm donor.  But I can see where you would think what you did.

As far as the sperm banks and sperm donors like you are talking - no they do not have anything to do with the child and actually never even know if they have a child.  I would hate to think I had a kid out there and didn't know where they were or how they were.

[cathy37]

I used a sperm donor to get pregnant and we were not allowed to know who he was.  All I knew was he was a medical student and had been screened for any diseases.

[mamatygress]

My parents divorced when I was 2 and my donor came to meet me at 32.  He then went MIA again a year later with no goodbye or explanation.  It hurt me more than if I'd never met him.

[countrygirl12]

I used a sperm donor to get pregnant and we were not allowed to know who he was.  All I knew was he was a medical student and had been screened for any diseases.

I think you missed what she was saying.

[tnshpalmer85]

There is a saying that you do not miss what you never had. I didn't grow up with a father and I don't feel any anger towards him. I would have felt anger towards him if he would come around and then disappeared.

[BATISTAGIRL663]

I’m so very sorry that he passed away and that your daughter never got to meet him I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers

[oldbuddy]

My dad was around long enough to have three kids, then was killed racing cars at Ascot Speedway. I was the oldest at 3 and none of us ever know him, let alone heard about him from the family. So it was not much different, was it?

[dreamyxo]

That's a shame.  Your daughter is grown you should be proud you were able to raise her by yourself.  You have a right to be angry over the situation but how is that anger serving you now?  It isn't.  Let it go.

[countrygirl12]

There is a saying that you do not miss what you never had. I didn't grow up with a father and I don't feel any anger towards him. I would have felt anger towards him if he would come around and then disappeared.

I disagree.  Talk to a kid in an orphanage.  A kid who has never had parents.  I guarantee they will tell you they miss having that.