Are you a care taker?

[Debj1951]

I am 59 & care taker of my 55 year old brother who has Dementia.
This is one of many really sad & depressing conditions. We have seperate apartments, but live in the same building. He pops in & out of my apartment many times a day.  As cruel as it sounds, I have started locking my door for an hour each day just so I know I will have that small amount of time to myself. I have to grit my teeth when he tells me the same story time & time & time again. When I have to tell him the name of someone several times a day, there are times I want to scream! I know I sound evil - believe me I am not. I am happy I can help him, glad he is in this building so I can keep an eye on him. I have 2 other siblings in this state - close by, but I am the the one who takes him to see all 4 of his doctors. I have health issues of my own which I have put my appointments on hold because I am exhausted. I did tell the older sister - if you would just take him to get his eyes checked & to the dentist it would be a huge help. I love my brother, want to do what is best for him, but please tell me I am not the only one in a situation like this & aside from the love & caring, feels some resentment.  (I also took care of mom & dad during their last days with very little help from my siblings who all lived in this state at that time, there were 8 kids then, one has since passed)

[angelhome]

I am 59 & care taker of my 55 year old brother who has Dementia.
This is one of many really sad & depressing conditions. We have seperate apartments, but live in the same building. He pops in & out of my apartment many times a day.  As cruel as it sounds, I have started locking my door for an hour each day just so I know I will have that small amount of time to myself. I have to grit my teeth when he tells me the same story time & time & time again. When I have to tell him the name of someone several times a day, there are times I want to scream! I know I sound evil - believe me I am not. I am happy I can help him, glad he is in this building so I can keep an eye on him. I have 2 other siblings in this state - close by, but I am the the one who takes him to see all 4 of his doctors. I have health issues of my own which I have put my appointments on hold because I am exhausted. I did tell the older sister - if you would just take him to get his eyes checked & to the dentist it would be a huge help. I love my brother, want to do what is best for him, but please tell me I am not the only one in a situation like this & aside from the love & caring, feels some resentment.  (I also took care of mom & dad during their last days with very little help from my siblings who all lived in this state at that time, there were 8 kids then, one has since passed)

you might as well accept it dear. most likely you will be the only one who cares for  him. and thank GOD he has you. I moved 300 miles from home in the 80's finished raising my children there & made my home there... we were happy. my baby sister stayed and in 95 my father died with Alzheimers. in 2002 I came home to visit, my mother had Alzheimers & my sister was the only one taking care of her & she had been responsible for dad. when I came home to visit & took one look at my baby sister, I immediately went home, packed & moved back. by 2003 mom was living with me. we were forced to take her car in 2004 because she became so forgetful. The doctor took her license & insurance. I had a sitter come in while I worked, mom would sneak off and people would call me who seen her walking 2 or 3 miles from home. So I was forced to put her in lock down. After that I would pick her up on Sunday for church & spend the day with her going to flea markets, shows, etc. Today she is in a wheel chair in a home, knows no one. when I moved back - my sister backed away. so today I am the only one that takes care of her needs. My husband is now coming down with alzheimers and his kidneys are failing - I must feed him in bed, etc. last year my daughter had a stroke and is paralyzed on her left side. that is another visit I must make regularily. she lives with her husband & have a lady taking care of her. but I check regularily. so look around honey. I am sure there a situations much worse than mine out there.
get the drugs from the doctor for that, that will help him to keep his mind a little longer. I find persons who are in that situation are scared - they know what is going on, and yet are blessed that they can not always remember I guess. but I know my mother was so frightened but it often came out in anger.
there are classes to help you deal with it too. I would advise  you to go & take your brother if you can. Speak to others & share your experience.

[tjshorty]

Sorry that you are in that situation.  I haven't yet.  I am sure I will.  You are not the only one and there are support groups even online for people like you.  God bless you.

[lucky382001]

hmmm it sounds like you could use some help. You can't take care of others if you don't meet your own needs and that includes getting breaks. Check with your state and see what they have for adult daycare. Also there is a site I keep seeing online I think its cared care.com that has people willing to come in for hire for adult day care ...child care cleaning and etc. It could be worth checking out. You won't be much help to your brother if you become too sick or burnt out to help him. God bless you.

[Debj1951]

Thank you for your input. First please know, that I know, things could be much worse & I thank & praise God that it is no worse than it is. He is on Aricept, which doesn't seem to be keeping him stable or slowing down the process. I think part of my problem is the guilt I feel when I just want to cry, & have some ME time.

Angelhome,
My favorite saying is: "Look around - there is always someone who has it worse."  God bless you, I don't think I could do, nor deal with all that you do. But when the need arises what choice do we have.
I know I do need to find an on-line support group. I went to a local meeting, but they just stayed so off topic I felt it was a waste of my time. I will do some checking & also will check again into what I can find for him. I cannot imagine having this condition, knowing what is happening & knowing what will happen & not have any control, having to depend so much on others. I hope I didn't come across as being evil, I love & care for him till my heart breaks. He doesn't trust but a few people & no way would he let anyone in to cook even one meal a day for him. He is so paranoid. At least when summer comes he will get out & walk but of course then I worry about him getting lost. Need to get the bracelet that has all the information on it for him.
Again, thanks for the responses, sometimes it helps just to know you are not alone.