serious topic about grief

[selerson]

I lost my mom to lung cancer on Saturday. She was only diagnosed 4 months ago and I saw her get really sick really fast. She was 62 years old. In the end my sister (who has just had baby #5 two weeks ago) and I had to take care of her as if she was a little baby and was there when she passed away. 

We were VERY close. We talked on the phone every day several times a day. I called her all the time. She made every holiday and birthday special.

How do I begin to stop hurting and help my kids with it too? (ages 14, 11, 10, and 6) I cannot stop thinking about her. I lost my father when I was 7 (he had a heart attack) but this is my first major loss as an adult

I know this is way off topic but it is what is on my mind today.

[Choosey1]

Sorry to hear that

[aimeerose00]

I am so sorry to hear this! Cancer is a horrible disease that claims too many lives. Grieving is a process that everyone handles differently. Don't feel the need to "get over" your grief. Take it day by day. That's all you can do.

[cynybiny68]

I am sorry to hear about your mom.  Cancer is ugly no matter how you see it.  I lost my Grandma to Cancer, I was an adult and it was the first time I had ever dealt with death.  I can only say that don't try to stop your grief.  Let it come to you and your children.  Taking it one day at a time and talking about her all of the time helps.  Talk to your children and your sister about the happy times and the things she did to make your holidays special.  It does help to talk about her and then one day you will realize that you are not crying all of the time.  You will always miss her, but the hurt will go away and be replaced with wonderful memories.

[discardedheart]

I lost my Grandma to Cancer, I was an adult and it was the first time I had ever dealt with death.

so did i - i was 18 at the time :/
i also have two aunts who are cancer survivors,
so there's always the worry that it could come back on them again.  

I can only say that don't try to stop your grief.  Let it come to you and your children.  Taking it one day at a time and talking about her all of the time helps.  Talk to your children and your sister about the happy times and the things she did to make your holidays special.  It does help to talk about her and then one day you will realize that you are not crying all of the time.  You will always miss her, but the hurt will go away and be replaced with wonderful memories.

i agree - this is really all you CAN do. grief isn't something you can just push away you have to let it run it's course. and i'm sure you'll be sick to death of hearing that time will make things better, but it always does. you just have to take it in stride. try to remember the positive things and the time that you DID have with her.

[Tere2]

 I'm really sorry about your Mother. I lost a good friend Sunday to cancer. He waited too long to go to the Dr. Finally went about 6 weeks ago but could only handle 1 treatment. It was awful telling him by. He was 61. His wife and I have been best friends since jr. high so I knew him almost as long. Even though we weren't really kin he was like a second brother to me. If I needed help with something he would come help me.
My Dad died from cancer 15 yrs ago.  Like they said, take it one day at a time.

[selerson]

Thank you all. It has been really hard. I kind of live an isolated life. I work from home (not just this but my primary job is to do transcription from home) and my mother was the main person I talked to every day. The only adult conversation I have now is with my sister, who is having as hard a time as I am, and my boyfriend and I feel like I lean on him too much.

[hemapreethaa]

Am Soo sooo sooo Sorry I Know loosing MOM is a Very big loss.... I know ow it cud hurt i cant even imagine a life without my MOM. v r the closest friend after marriage. I pray for u to get comfort soon... u have somehow manage...

[Bridget_Elaine]

You won't stop hurting, sorry to say.  It's rough.  In July 2006 my husband's oldest sister found out she had leukemia (she was 39 with 2 young children).  The same week we found out that my grandma's liver cancer was back and spreading.  March 2007 Kim (hubby's sister) passed away and that was so unbelievable to us.  I had to watch my husband lose the someone he loved so much and we both had to watch his parents go through it.  Then I had our first baby in August 2007 and 5 months later my grandma took a turn for the worse.  We were told on Dec. 23rd she had 3-5 months to live and she died 3 weeks later.  That is the hardest loss I have EVER had to go through.  I grew up right down the road from her and my mom and her were so close.  They didn't just talk every day, it was several times a day and we'd all go shopping or whatever together.  My mom still has hard days and so do I.  In fact, just today I heard "How Great thou Art" which she loved and I lost it.  It gets easier, but the pain doesn't go away... or atleast it hasn't on this end yet!!  I wish you the best and I'll be praying for your family.  It's rough when we lose someone we care so deeply for... Just remember all the good things with her and pray for God's grace daily!   

[fallenangelsoul13]

I never thought I'd be able to work through my grief, pain, and loss over losing my father just the same way you lost your mom.  I was very much a "daddy's girl" and by far the closest to him.  It was so horrible to literally watch and help him through the dying process.  I've never had anyone die in my arms until my father died.  It took a couple years to feel even somewhat normal, again.  I still ache for him but it helps my kids and I to talk about him often, and to allow ourselves to feel and hear his messages to us...he always lets us know he's watching over us...one way or another...just be aware and open to that process. 
Blessings...
Janie

[ODOMS6598]

I too have had a deep loss.  I lost my oldest son Tejay to a car accident on easter of 2007  he was such a sweet boy always had a smile on his face.  i lost my nephew at the same time.  i have lost my father, grandfather, numberous aunts and uncles, one neice and 2 nephews, but nothing compares to the pain of losing a child.  all i can say to any of u, is to take each day and live it to the fullest.  never take anything or anyone for granted, they might not be there tomorrow.  always tell your loved ones how much they mean to u.  i know my son died knowing that i loved him dearly.

[selerson]

I too have had a deep loss.  I lost my oldest son Tejay to a car accident on easter of 2007  he was such a sweet boy always had a smile on his face.  i lost my nephew at the same time.  i have lost my father, grandfather, numberous aunts and uncles, one neice and 2 nephews, but nothing compares to the pain of losing a child.  all i can say to any of u, is to take each day and live it to the fullest.  never take anything or anyone for granted, they might not be there tomorrow.  always tell your loved ones how much they mean to u.  i know my son died knowing that i loved him dearly.

Im sorry to hear that. I cannot imagine losing a child.

What you said reminds me of one of my favorite songs- "If today was your last day" by Nickelback.

Today was a very difficult day because it was my kids first day of school and normally I would have been calling her and telling her how the morning went and then in the afternoon the kids would be calling her to tell her about their day. Today my sister and I were both crying at the same time for the same reason (kids are in different schools though) because she did the same thing on the first day also. To make matters worse, I get in the car when I'm already emotional and her favorite singer-George Strait-was playing on the radio. 

[Wren28]

I am still hurting after six months. My mother passed away on March 24th. I just try to get by one day at a time.

[dreamyxo]

I'm sorry for your loss.