FC Community
Discussion Boards => Off-Topic => Topic started by: cateyes1 on January 23, 2015, 03:20:28 am
-
Ok, my ex husband with whom I share a daughter, who has not even seen her in 36 years. Well I found him on FB awhile back. His birthday was just the other day Jan 19th, I PM him a Happy Birthday. My daughter got upset with me for doing so. I told her that just because he is an a&&hole I thought why should I be, and so I sent him the Happy Birthday....she said "Ma ask anyone and they will agree that I was wrong to do so" After she was born we did get a divorce and he NEVER looked back. so was that a dumb move on my part?...she said that he is probably laughing at me now but I really don't care...we are both 58 years young.
-
You will probably get lots of different answers, but I know if it would have been me, there would be no way I would have messaged him Happy Birthday, did he ever message you or your daughter in 36 years? But that's just my opinion.
-
You will probably get lots of different answers, but I know if it would have been me, there would be no way I would have messaged him Happy Birthday, did he ever message you or your daughter in 36 years? But that's just my opinion.
Nancy my daughter said the exact same thing you did....and no he NEVER did to either one of us...I feel so stupid now...NEVER again!!...I don't even know why I did ugh!
-
There was nothing wrong with sending him a Happy Birthday wish. He isn't necessarily laughing at you. But unless you want to get back together or have some sort of relationship with him I do not see the point in sending him a message or having contact. Just opens the doors for him to start talking to you. And obviously your alls daughter does not want to have anything to do with him.
-
There was nothing wrong with sending him a Happy Birthday wish. He isn't necessarily laughing at you. But unless you want to get back together or have some sort of relationship with him I do not see the point in sending him a message or having contact. Just opens the doors for him to start talking to you. And obviously your alls daughter does not want to have anything to do with him.
Hun I just noticed the date and just decided to do it. my first or 2nd time in all these years I've done so. I think that I was thinking that we are getting up in years and thought maybe he would contact my daughter at least. But, I guess once a loser, ALWAYS a loser!
-
I don't see anything wrong with it if it was something you wanted to do and it didn't hurt anyone. I personally probably would not have even acknowledged him nor his birthday. I would possibly send him an acknowledgement on the divorce anniversary, though.
-
I don't see anything wrong with it if it was something you wanted to do and it didn't hurt anyone. I personally probably would not have even acknowledged him nor his birthday. I would possibly send him an acknowledgement on the divorce anniversary, though.
I like that idea lol, thanks
-
There was nothing wrong with sending him a Happy Birthday wish. He isn't necessarily laughing at you. But unless you want to get back together or have some sort of relationship with him I do not see the point in sending him a message or having contact. Just opens the doors for him to start talking to you. And obviously your alls daughter does not want to have anything to do with him.
Hun I just noticed the date and just decided to do it. my first or 2nd time in all these years I've done so. I think that I was thinking that we are getting up in years and thought maybe he would contact my daughter at least. But, I guess once a loser, ALWAYS a loser!
It wasn't wrong to contact him. I just probably would not have. lol. It is pretty sad he has a kid and he has never wanted to talk to her. And this late in the game if I were her I would not want to hear from him.
-
I don't see anything wrong with it if it was something you wanted to do and it didn't hurt anyone. I personally probably would not have even acknowledged him nor his birthday. I would possibly send him an acknowledgement on the divorce anniversary, though.
lol. That's funny.
-
There was nothing wrong with sending him a Happy Birthday wish. He isn't necessarily laughing at you. But unless you want to get back together or have some sort of relationship with him I do not see the point in sending him a message or having contact. Just opens the doors for him to start talking to you. And obviously your alls daughter does not want to have anything to do with him.
Hun I just noticed the date and just decided to do it. my first or 2nd time in all these years I've done so. I think that I was thinking that we are getting up in years and thought maybe he would contact my daughter at least. But, I guess once a loser, ALWAYS a loser!
It wasn't wrong to contact him. I just probably would not have. lol. It is pretty sad he has a kid and he has never wanted to talk to her. And this late in the game if I were her I would not want to hear from him.
Yeah, she actually told me that she wants nothing to do with him. She said that you cant miss what you never had. I need to smarten up lol
-
Ok, my ex husband with whom I share a daughter, who has not even seen her in 36 years. Well I found him on FB awhile back. His birthday was just the other day Jan 19th, I PM him a Happy Birthday. My daughter got upset with me for doing so. I told her that just because he is an a&&hole I thought why should I be, and so I sent him the Happy Birthday....she said "Ma ask anyone and they will agree that I was wrong to do so" After she was born we did get a divorce and he NEVER looked back. so was that a dumb move on my part?...she said that he is probably laughing at me now but I really don't care...we are both 58 years young.
Well, it all comes down to your own preference in this situation but, if I had to do this myself - I agree with your daughter. You're not being an a** by ignoring it's his birthday. If my ex treated my kids the way your ex treated your daughter, there's no way in h*ll I'd want to even remember his name, let alone wish him a happy birthday. Good riddance to bad rubbish!
-
Ok, my ex husband with whom I share a daughter, who has not even seen her in 36 years. Well I found him on FB awhile back. His birthday was just the other day Jan 19th, I PM him a Happy Birthday. My daughter got upset with me for doing so. I told her that just because he is an a&&hole I thought why should I be, and so I sent him the Happy Birthday....she said "Ma ask anyone and they will agree that I was wrong to do so" After she was born we did get a divorce and he NEVER looked back. so was that a dumb move on my part?...she said that he is probably laughing at me now but I really don't care...we are both 58 years young.
Well, it all comes down to your own preference in this situation but, if I had to do this myself - I agree with your daughter. You're not being an a** by ignoring it's his birthday. If my ex treated my kids the way your ex treated your daughter, there's no way in h*ll I'd want to even remember his name, let alone wish him a happy birthday. Good riddance to bad rubbish!
Thank you blacksheep. That, I will never do again though.
-
I'm curious! What did he say??? 😄
-
I simply think it shows you are the bigger person, more maturity, and able to put the past to bed. Just be sure to not let it open a dialogue in any way with him. You never know what his motives might be. Now that you've done something you felt was a nice gesture, close that door!!!!
-
I simply think it shows you are the bigger person, more maturity, and able to put the past to bed. Just be sure to not let it open a dialogue in any way with him. You never know what his motives might be. Now that you've done something you felt was a nice gesture, close that door!!!!
I love you Janice, that is exactly what I said to my daughter. I told her that just because he's an a$$, I don't have to be one too!!
-
I'm curious! What did he say??? 😄
Skyenkit, he said absolutely NOTHING grrrrr lol
-
Yes, I agree with your daughter. If he never contacted her (or you), why bother him. He's living his life and has to live with the thought of not seeing his child (or grand kids). Leave him alone, is my thought. You don't want him to peek at your FB page and see what's goin on in your lives.
-
I don't see anything wrong with it if it was something you wanted to do and it didn't hurt anyone. I personally probably would not have even acknowledged him nor his birthday. I would possibly send him an acknowledgement on the divorce anniversary, though.
;D ;D ;D :party: :party: :party:
-
If he didn't respond, he probably doesn't know what to say. How could he after 36 years. You opened a door for him. If he doesn't walk thru, that's not your fault. You did what felt right at the time and all these opinions are merely opinions. Don't beat yourself up.
-
I know you were trying to be the bigger person! Kudos for that but you teach people how to treat if he ignored you then he doesnt deserve to interact with the person you have grown to be. Your daughter feels a little betrayed that your putting energy into someone who didnt care about her instead of using that extra kindness to show her again how much love her. So my vote it was nice but not nessesary
-
Well, that would all depend. If you did it to get him to acknowledge his daughter, then that would be fine. But just to do it, seems like a waste of time. And I cannot imagine a father walking away from a child and not seeing them.
-
I think it is totally up to you and how you feel about contacting him, after all you really are the one that had the relationship with him being that he hasn't been in his daughters life. It;s not wrong for you to do so but she also has the choice of refusing any part of him. I think it says alot when someone is big enough to not stoop to someone elses lower level and behave badly.
-
I think there is no right or wrong answer, it's your life and you chose to be nice in the moment. What's wrong with that? In my opinion he doesn't deserve your good nature, but that doesn't mean you can't become the bigger person and mend the bridges. There's nothing to be gained from keeping a broken relationship broken, not least for your daughter who has not had the pleasure of knowing a dad for most of her life time. You did nothing wrong and I would even go as far as saying, people could learn a lot from how forgiving you are! Whilst your daughter may not approve of your impulse move, nothing ventured, nothing gained!
-
I won't be surprise how your daughter felt. If he doesn't give child support or even response to you a "thank" you card after you send a happy birthday, why bother. For most biological parents it is easy to give birth to a child but ignore the child's finance and mental needs or even building up their relationship with the child. It remind me of Steven Jobs, but that's another story.
-
I could not have messaged an ex-anything because I believe in moving on and not looking back. But you are a different person and have a heart. You went out of your way to be nice to another human being even though they appear to have been less than nice in their ways. I don't look to the past to spread happiness and cheer but, instead, try to be as nice as I can to those in my present day life. If someone cuts me off I try to smile and shake it off-it gives me a greater feeling of inner peace. That person will go off angry and probably fester all day. Your ex is probably wondering why he let you go and not liking himself very much for the way that he treated you and your daughter.
-
I don't think there is any harm in what you did although it wasn't such a great idea in the first place. More like a small mistake. I wouldn't do it again if I were you.
-
Let sleeping DOGS lie.
-
Well, I think out of "respect" for your daughter, it was a bad move. After all you, yourself, said he "never looked back". To me that means he didn't care enough for either you or your daughter so why even bother wishing him anything!! If it was me I would never have done it!!
-
I believe it was simply a nice gesture on your part, that's it just a simple nice gesture and there isn't anything wrong with it. We should all do small nice gestures every day. Good for you.