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Topic: If a "friend" tries to phase you out...  (Read 1802 times)

dmitchn1

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Re: If a "friend" tries to phase you out...
« Reply #15 on: May 07, 2013, 07:47:29 pm »
Why would your friend try to phase you out??? That's just rude! A friend that does that was obviously not a friend to begin with!

skrogman

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Re: If a "friend" tries to phase you out...
« Reply #16 on: May 07, 2013, 08:00:43 pm »
No, saying that there was not a true tie of friendship is one thing I cannot say.  We have been to blankety blank and back together for each other, with our guys, with our kids, and everything.  Just time marches on and sometimes things change.  Not painlessly, but they do.  Just one of those things.

cgilliland09

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Re: If a "friend" tries to phase you out...
« Reply #17 on: May 07, 2013, 08:31:14 pm »
I believe that people come into our lives for a reason and a season, very often unbeknowst to us. What you may be reading as "phasing out", could very well be just time to move on. If we stay in one place with all the same people our whole lives through. how are we to grow? Inquire as to why the sudden change but I am willing to bet, they won't have a dimutive answer for you. And they may not know why either. Who knows, you may share the same path again at a later time. Some of my best friendships have been with people who have come in and out of my life, multiple times. What ever you do, I wish much happiness. :cat:

sgluckadoo

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Re: If a "friend" tries to phase you out...
« Reply #18 on: May 07, 2013, 08:40:17 pm »
If your friend is trying to phase you out, there's something going on that isn't a "natural end". When friendships 'dissolve' due to something 'natural' it doesn't take any effort on either person's end. Phasing someone out does take some form of effort. If the friendship means something to you, and you value that person, then try talking to them and see if there's something going on that maybe they're unwilling to talk/confront you about. There could be an outside influence that's behind their actions. See if things can be worked out, that is, if they actually want to continue being friends. If they have no desire to remain friends, you are better off cutting them loose now.

I can think of a friendship that slowly ended. I got married, she resented it and stopped coming to my house. She would suggest things to exclude my husband. I was very hurt by this and asked her about it, but she denied it and instead insisted marriage had changed me. I think she couldnt deal with my having to split my attention with someone else as well as my "finding a man" as she would put it. The whole thing really showed how immature she was. I tried to overlook it and made excuses for her behavior for several years, but just let it slowly dissolve on its own. One day after minimal interaction for approximately 6 months, she contacted me to tell me she had a girlfriend. Granted i dont know a lot about being gay (she says she is bisexual), but it really didnt feel like she was, or ever had been in the 7 years i had known her (late 20s to early 30s). So, to sum it up, i think peoples lives change and in some cases there just isnt a good reason or way to preserve the relationship. Her immaturity was a big issue and she never grew out of it.

msmoneybags48

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Re: If a "friend" tries to phase you out...
« Reply #19 on: May 08, 2013, 05:12:16 am »
It depends on who the friend is.  If he or she is a true friend, no.  If he or she is a fair weather friend (wishy-washy, can't depend on him or her, a betrayer), yes, that relationship will end. :icon_rr: :icon_rr: :icon_rr:

madeara

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Re: If a "friend" tries to phase you out...
« Reply #20 on: May 08, 2013, 05:20:54 am »
I am sorry that happened.  Yes, I would just let the friendship end naturally. I wish you all the best.
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kapeh12

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Re: If a "friend" tries to phase you out...
« Reply #21 on: May 08, 2013, 09:00:22 am »
Is it that you are truly being "phased out" or is it simply that life is changing the nature of your interactions?  Is your friend purposely excluding your from activities, or is it that life is taking up more of their time so you are not spending as much time together?

If its simply that the time you typically spend together is decreasing, you may not be losing your friendship at all - it's just the demands of life are resulting in needing to adjust how much time you expect to spend interacting with your friend.  She may still be your friend in spirit, but may not be able to devote as much attention as she used to.

That happens - when I was in high school, I'd spend all day, after school and weekends with my friends.  Then we moved on to college and made new friends, but some of my high school friends I'd call or write and maybe would see on breaks and then catch up over summer.  After graduation I joined new clubs, started working - met new people, new friendships - and had less time for some of my older friends due to lack of time and distance.  When people started getting married, moving all over the country, having kids...all this takes up time. 

My feelings of friendship toward them didn't change - if there would ever be a crisis and they call, I'd do what I could to help - but the time I could spend just "hanging out" became more difficult as it was just hard to coordinate all our schedules.  I'm lucky to meet with some of my friends in the area once every couple months for lunch or dinner.  Friends that live in different states I'll see once a year or every other year.  We'll email occasionally or call - but we all understand we each have our own lives to live, but we still remain friends in thought and spirit.

So in your situation - is the friendship really "dying"?  Are you really being "phased out"?  Or is life just changing the nature of how you expect to maintain your friendship - do you simply need to accept that she just doesn't have the same amount of time to keep in touch?  If so, simply be happy for her life opportunities, and take this opportunity to fill the openings in your life with some new experiences and meet some new people to hang out with.  And this will give you new things to discuss with your friend when you do have the opportunity to meet up.

sherryinutah

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Re: If a "friend" tries to phase you out...
« Reply #22 on: May 08, 2013, 09:24:19 am »
Different people have different ideas about what "friendship" is.  For some people....

it's about spending a lot of time together.  For some people it's about manipulation.

For other people it's about trust and respect for each other even though each person is busy with their own life. 

There's a life cycle to everything; a beginning, a middle and an end.  Flow with whatever is happening naturally with the understanding that healthy communication is also an important part of a friendship.

 :heart:

Have a great day!

vgray3

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Re: If a "friend" tries to phase you out...
« Reply #23 on: May 08, 2013, 02:04:37 pm »
True friendship is important even if you drift apart and then finding each other again makes for an even stronger bond.  :)

o2bnocn

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Re: If a "friend" tries to phase you out...
« Reply #24 on: May 08, 2013, 02:13:26 pm »
That depends on who the friend is. Real friends wouldn't do that to each other.

sarabtrayior

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Re: If a "friend" tries to phase you out...
« Reply #25 on: May 09, 2013, 11:32:38 am »
I read something on Facebook that said that some friends are here for a limited time and I'm not going to try and keep up with everybody anymore...

bigfoot951

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Re: If a "friend" tries to phase you out...
« Reply #26 on: May 09, 2013, 11:49:52 am »
First off I don't think a true friend would do that.  That along with the fact that if a friend wanted to do that then I don't think there is any hope I would just let it fade.

gaylasue

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Re: If a "friend" tries to phase you out...
« Reply #27 on: May 10, 2013, 06:30:30 am »
You would have to wonder how true a friendship is if the friend is phasing you out...
Have a wonderful day!

dwggs

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Re: If a "friend" tries to phase you out...
« Reply #28 on: May 10, 2013, 06:32:56 am »
I would first try to address the problem that you friend has with you.

If it is on their end and you have no control over it, then I would let the
friendship come to it's natural end.
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skrogman

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Re: If a "friend" tries to phase you out...
« Reply #29 on: May 12, 2013, 05:44:28 am »
Thank you all so much for your really inspiring thoughts.  It is rough, but now I know that the best thing is just to let go and know that, hey, life goes on.  It just hurts to know that it can happen when I know all the times we've had and that no one knows each other inside out and backwards like we did, all the tears we've shed together over our kids, our guys, and all.  But like was said above, if I let go, something may happen in the future and I can decide then if I want to extend my trust and my heart again.

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