Trouble with the Babysitter AKA Grandma.

[BK_Adores_Chase]

My boyfriend's grandma watched our son.  All she EVER wants to do is talk smack about other family members (I'm sure she does it behind my back, too).  What can I do to change the subject?  I don't/will not confront her because I'm bad with confrontation.  Also, I am starting to wonder if she neglects our son.  He seems to hate going over there.  Is this a phase (he's 26 months)?  She has her favorite grandson and clearly treats him better then the other grandchildren.  I don't want to take him over there anymore, but in this economy, there's no way I'd be able to afford daycare.  Recently, she was saying how all our son ever wants to do is sit around and never plays with the other kids (which isn't his personality at all - maybe he JUST DOESN'T LIKE YOU!!!)   

[Valerie1979]

is there an option for even a part time alternative?
maybe exposing him to other things.
maybe he is bored -- needs more constructive things to do

he also may be going through a phase

[TVALLO]

My boyfriend's grandma watched our son.  All she EVER wants to do is talk smack about other family members (I'm sure she does it behind my back, too).  What can I do to change the subject?  I don't/will not confront her because I'm bad with confrontation.  Also, I am starting to wonder if she neglects our son.  He seems to hate going over there.  Is this a phase (he's 26 months)?  She has her favorite grandson and clearly treats him better then the other grandchildren.  I don't want to take him over there anymore, but in this economy, there's no way I'd be able to afford daycare.  Recently, she was saying how all our son ever wants to do is sit around and never plays with the other kids (which isn't his personality at all - maybe he JUST DOESN'T LIKE YOU!!!)   

Well the only way to get her to stop is to confront her unfortunately. You need to tell her that her talking like that makes you uncomfortable and you dont want your son hearing it.  If he hates going there, there is a reason, My daughter is 2.  if he is consistently not wanting to be there its because there is something wrong.  He could be not playing with other kids because they treat him badly and nothing is being done about it.  I know the economy is bad, try looking into programs for day care and some places will work with you on payments.  You might have to try to figure something out with where you work.  But your choice is to continue letting your son go through this or doing something about it.   

[Storm61115]

yes it could be a phase but she could be exadruating(spelling) some people do that.

[JessieKateRose]

Well the only way to get her to stop is to confront her unfortunately. You need to tell her that her talking like that makes you uncomfortable and you dont want your son hearing it.  If he hates going there, there is a reason, My daughter is 2.  if he is consistently not wanting to be there its because there is something wrong.  He could be not playing with other kids because they treat him badly and nothing is being done about it.  I know the economy is bad, try looking into programs for day care and some places will work with you on payments.  You might have to try to figure something out with where you work.  But your choice is to continue letting your son go through this or doing something about it.   

People that old are definitely going to be stuck in their ways and aren't going to listen to that. I don't really think there's anything she can do abou it but try to ignore it.

[cloudsoup]

confrontation with the grandmother-in-law?
trips down those roads can be fierce and from
the sound of things, you'd probably be put in your
place (even though you're in the right) real quick!

the whole "respect your elders" saying is old, wise,
and very true... BUT so frustrating  especially
when granny needs a shove off her high horse.

isn't there a cousin, niece, aunt willing to watch him?
or a trusted daughter of a family friend who just needs
some shopping cash?

[klkwid]

My boyfriend's grandma watched our son.  All she EVER wants to do is talk smack about other family members (I'm sure she does it behind my back, too).  What can I do to change the subject?  I don't/will not confront her because I'm bad with confrontation.  Also, I am starting to wonder if she neglects our son.  He seems to hate going over there.  Is this a phase (he's 26 months)?  She has her favorite grandson and clearly treats him better then the other grandchildren.  I don't want to take him over there anymore, but in this economy, there's no way I'd be able to afford daycare.  Recently, she was saying how all our son ever wants to do is sit around and never plays with the other kids (which isn't his personality at all - maybe he JUST DOESN'T LIKE YOU!!!)   

Well the only way to get her to stop is to confront her unfortunately. You need to tell her that her talking like that makes you uncomfortable and you dont want your son hearing it.  If he hates going there, there is a reason, My daughter is 2.  if he is consistently not wanting to be there its because there is something wrong.  He could be not playing with other kids because they treat him badly and nothing is being done about it.  I know the economy is bad, try looking into programs for day care and some places will work with you on payments.  You might have to try to figure something out with where you work.  But your choice is to continue letting your son go through this or doing something about it.   

I agree with this answer, but the only problem with the idea is that you NEED to have another place to go if you confront her because chances are that she will just say "if you don't like it, take him somewhere else."  Sounds like she's just trying to pick fights.  If you're truly stuck and she is the ONLY option, let it go and just deal with it until you can get him somewhere else.  If he's in any kind of danger, move him right away, whatever the cost (but it doesn't sound like he is).  Once you do have another option,confront Granny and tell her how you feel-if it doesn't fix the problem, at least it'll make you feel better

[BK_Adores_Chase]

Okay, so I've given it some thought and this is my plan.  Since a lot of people arn't willing to watch him all day everyday, I have decided to take night shifts whenever possible so he has to be there less.  Also, Once a week I'm going to have his grandpa B watch him, and then I;m going to alternate one day between my sister, my boyfriend's sister, and my dad.  Does that make sense?  So like instead of my boyfriend's grandma watching him all 5 days (my boyfriend has the weekends off)  She will watch him for 3 days instead.  Maybe even less - if I have Saturday or Sunday off I trade shifts with the girls so I can watch Darren on an extra week day.  This also gives all sitters a break - I don't like abusing the free sitting.  My boyfriend said when he went their Friday all she did was say good things about him, so that made me feel a little better.

[kqa]

Sounds like a plan for a really sticky situation. Good luck!

[TVALLO]

Okay, so I've given it some thought and this is my plan.  Since a lot of people arn't willing to watch him all day everyday, I have decided to take night shifts whenever possible so he has to be there less.  Also, Once a week I'm going to have his grandpa B watch him, and then I;m going to alternate one day between my sister, my boyfriend's sister, and my dad.  Does that make sense?  So like instead of my boyfriend's grandma watching him all 5 days (my boyfriend has the weekends off)  She will watch him for 3 days instead.  Maybe even less - if I have Saturday or Sunday off I trade shifts with the girls so I can watch Darren on an extra week day.  This also gives all sitters a break - I don't like abusing the free sitting.  My boyfriend said when he went their Friday all she did was say good things about him, so that made me feel a little better.

I am glad you found a way to work it out so that you are more comfortable with the situation, I had a similar problem with Grandma doing things we specifically asked her not to and then taking off with our daughter and not telling us where they were going.  She doesn't watch her anymore. We had to find someone else, but it worked out.  there is nothing like knowing your child is safe when you cant be there.

[veronica773]

A lot of times we should listen to our children.  If he doesn't want to go over there, something is going on.  Maybe you could have your girlfriend watch your son.  Or talk to your boyfriend how his grandma is treating your son.

[Tylershotmomma]

I would just sit down and talk to your boyfriend about it...honestly i am a first time mom but i have been around kids enough to know she must be doing something pretty bad in order for the baby to not wanna be around her

[sdenimandlace1]

Seems like you came up witha pretty good plan for your son.  Your plan will give everybody a little break to do the thing they want to do. And it will be easier for you to work with having to worry about whats going on so much.

[willow80834]

find another sitter....   My grand baby has been and always happy to come here i watch him daily...  he just turned 3  but coming here has NEVER been a issue he is always excited to come here

[cowgirlx]

Wow I can relate,  my husbands grandma is the same way.  I really have no clue what to suggest.  It is had to deal with, but like you said the economy is very rough right now.  I hope it all works out for you.