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Topic: To have kids, or not to have kids  (Read 2235 times)

jkc715nyc

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To have kids, or not to have kids
« on: June 22, 2009, 10:52:42 am »
Before my husband and I were married, we had talked a lot about NOT having kids. I've never been good with them, nor wanted them and the same went for my husband. For a long time, before even meeting me, he had thought about getting a vasectomy. Since BC makes me crazy (even the low-dose) and an allergy to latex makes the only other option not applicable, I supported him in his decision to be snipped. He had the operation several months before the wedding.

Two years later and all of the sudden I have babies on the brain like crazy. I have a little nephew (hubby's side of the family) and I can't get enough him. Now I'm wondering if we made a mistake.

After thinking this over for months, I did eventually confide in my husband that I was experiencing a change of heart. He wasn't thrilled, but he wasn't as mad as I figured he'd be so I took that as a good sign. We didn't make a final decision or anything, it was mostly that I just let him know that I was having doubts. I haven't brought it up again because I'm afraid that he will refuse to reverse the surgery. What then?

I love my husband and would respect his decision (kids would radically change both our lives. We need to both be in agreement on this), but I'm scared that this could ruin our marriage. Has anyone else gone through something like this?

liljp617

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Re: To have kids, or not to have kids
« Reply #1 on: June 23, 2009, 01:39:56 pm »
Adopt.

Over 500,000 kids in foster care in the US alone...last figure I saw at least.

jkc715nyc

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Re: To have kids, or not to have kids
« Reply #2 on: June 24, 2009, 01:48:53 pm »
Thanks. Reversing the vasectomy isn't the issue though. It's the actual having children...  :-

aspenl

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Re: To have kids, or not to have kids
« Reply #3 on: June 24, 2009, 04:31:00 pm »
I have a little girl, and even though I was planning on having children, I didn't plan on having one as soon as I did.  I didn't think we would be able to support a child financially, but things always seem to work out.  As much as I love my husband, she is the real joy in my life.  Children are a wonderful cure for hard times...at least for me.  I too was horrible with children, but it is incredible how different it is when it is your own child.

My only advice, is if he does decide he wants kids don't hesitate to have them.  But talk to him about it, it is important to communicate in a marriage.  Make sure he knows what you want, but try not to push it on him, eventually you may be able to have kids, because you decided together that you want them.  Keep trying.

mc1962

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Re: To have kids, or not to have kids
« Reply #4 on: July 16, 2009, 12:15:57 am »
One was/is enough for me.  but to each their own.

acurtsinger2

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Re: To have kids, or not to have kids
« Reply #5 on: July 16, 2009, 08:03:14 am »
Before my husband and I were married, we had talked a lot about NOT having kids. I've never been good with them, nor wanted them and the same went for my husband. For a long time, before even meeting me, he had thought about getting a vasectomy. Since BC makes me crazy (even the low-dose) and an allergy to latex makes the only other option not applicable, I supported him in his decision to be snipped. He had the operation several months before the wedding.

Two years later and all of the sudden I have babies on the brain like crazy. I have a little nephew (hubby's side of the family) and I can't get enough him. Now I'm wondering if we made a mistake.

After thinking this over for months, I did eventually confide in my husband that I was experiencing a change of heart. He wasn't thrilled, but he wasn't as mad as I figured he'd be so I took that as a good sign. We didn't make a final decision or anything, it was mostly that I just let him know that I was having doubts. I haven't brought it up again because I'm afraid that he will refuse to reverse the surgery. What then?

I love my husband and would respect his decision (kids would radically change both our lives. We need to both be in agreement on this), but I'm scared that this could ruin our marriage. Has anyone else gone through something like this?
:angel11: :angel11:KIDS ARE REALLY GREAT.  mINE ARE GROWING UP AND NOW i'M A GRANDMA.  THERE'S NOTHING MORE SPECIAL THAN A GRANDCHILD AND i WOULD,'T HAVE THEM IF I DIDN'T HAVE KIDS.

lameremusicale

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Re: To have kids, or not to have kids
« Reply #6 on: July 16, 2009, 08:11:08 am »
I wasn't planning on having any for a long time, and then I ended up with my son... it's been the best experience of my life, he's amazing.

Good luck!


Skip this poster if you don't want to see cuteness-overload baby pictures and massive braggage!

LittleDebbieG

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Re: To have kids, or not to have kids
« Reply #7 on: July 16, 2009, 09:02:27 am »
If he has a change of heart, then you can either get the procedure reverse... or you could look at adopting. You could even use a sperm donor. However, if he still does not want to have children, then enjoy your nephew as much as possible. You both agreed on the idea of not having children when your husband got snipped.

Though, because many people change their mind about children, I'm surprised the doctor even performed the surgery. One friend of mine kept trying to find a doctor to perform the big V on him... but has yet to find one in this area that will ignore his age and his lack of children. He keeps being told that he'll change his mind one day.

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