there have been plenty of things in my life that have been fricken' disappointing. but i don't necessarily know that i would change them. making them better might change other things from good to bad.. you know?
i always thought i would be one of those kids who would go straight from high school to college, that i would love it and graduate with flying colors. and i ended up dropping out during my second semester because i hated it so much. i couldn't pick a major. and i still don't know what i'd like to do with myself and my life. it's a big weight to carry around.. to feel like you're running out of time to decide what you'd like to do for the rest of your life.
and as far as relationships go.. i've pretty much got a clean slate in front of me. and it does get discouraging. sometimes i feel downright miserable about it. and sometimes i feel like i'll never be good enough, or smart enough, or pretty enough for anyone.
but, i think that for some reason, that's just how it's supposed to be. i think god gives us what he wants us to have, when he wants us to have it. mistakes and disappointments are what make us. and if you can't learn to roll with the punches, you'll never get anywhere. life is complicated. and sometimes it sucks. i think you just have to learn to have faith. faith that things will turn out the way they're supposed to. that your life will turn out the way it's supposed to.
so, no, i don't think i'd want to do anything over again.
i don't think i'd want to change things.
the grass always appears greener on the other side. but nothing is ever perfect. nobody is ever perfect. you just have to deal with it. everybody has things that bother them or embarass them. things they're ashamed of, that they'd like to scratch away forever.. but that's what makes us who we are.
and, you know, i really could write you a BOOK next time.. couldn't i?
haha ;p