How to handle a bully

[countrygirl12]

Do you think it is okay for a victim of a bully to do the same thing back to the bully to show them how it feels if it is the only way to stop it from happening?

[Penwoir]

I can see that this is going to be a delicate subject, however as the parent of two children I do have an opinion. I'm sure many people will remember the clip of a large boy being bullied by a smaller boy a few years ago. Apparently this had gone on for some time and the larger boy, unsurprisingly, got fed up of being bullied. So he basically was filmed body slamming the small boy who banged his ankle badly. Ultimately they were both suspended/expelled from school. When I first saw this video I was so pleased to see the big boy stand up for himself and if this were my son, I would support him doing the same. I appreciate that many schools say they have a zero tolerance policy for bullying yet we hear so many stories about parents raising concerns with the schools but the bullying continues. Whilst schools getting involved is ideal, I can't wait for that to happen and I won't run the risk of my child committing suicide because they are bullied at school and no-one will listen to them. To be clear, my children aren't bullied at school, and they will never be the first to strike someone, but they will strike back if someone bullies them and I will support them in that. What do you say?

[michele2042]

No, as the old saying goes, two wrongs don't make a right.
When my son was in grammer school he was bullied beyond belief due to the fact that he took dance classes.   He loved his ballet classes and gave up many activities to pursue his love.   He grew up to become a professional dancer with a long career.

One particularly bad day at school the offenders were caught by teachers.   Parents were called.    That night there was a knock on our door and there stood one of the boys and his dad.   We invited them in and after several moments of a very sincere apology from the youngster his father informed my husband and I and our son that his son's new responsibility due to his actions was to become my son's "protector" from other bullies.   They both rode their bikes to and from school.  His son would now accompany my son home each day.  They were in the same class, his son would help to stop any further bullying from other students by reporting it to the teacher or other adults and speaking out against it to other kids.   He was also instructed, by his parents, he would attend to watch several of my son's ballet classes so that he would understand the athleticism of ballet.    At first my husband and I were unsure how this would play out but it soon became obvious it was a great advantage.   My son and this boy became quick friends that continued throughout their school years and into adulthood.   
 It was the best "punishment" for a bully and we were thankful to his parents for recognizing their son needed to take responsibility for his poor decsions.

[countrygirl12]

I think people have a right to defend themselves.  There was a story on yahoo where a butt head saw a young girl walking in I think CVS and she parked in a handicap parking space with a LEGAL handicap tag.  The butt left a note on her car saying she should be ashamed and she was clearly not raised right.  The girl has lupus.  It is not a visible reason to park in that space but obviously IS a reason or she could not have got the tag.  Personally, I think if she could get video from the store of the person who left the note she should put their pic all over the internet along with the person's name.  May sound harsh but people need to mind their own business. 

Kids learn to bully from adults.  I think adults are worse than kids it just usually doesn't get called being a bully as adults.  Or what about the adults that constantly makes fun of another adult co-worker for whatever reason.  I think the only thing the bully will ever understand is if it is done back to them.   But then they play the victim and don't want to admit they started it.

[countrygirl12]

No, as the old saying goes, two wrongs don't make a right.
When my son was in grammer school he was bullied beyond belief due to the fact that he took dance classes.   He loved his ballet classes and gave up many activities to pursue his love.   He grew up to become a professional dancer with a long career.

One particularly bad day at school the offenders were caught by teachers.   Parents were called.    That night there was a knock on our door and there stood one of the boys and his dad.   We invited them in and after several moments of a very sincere apology from the youngster his father informed my husband and I and our son that his son's new responsibility due to his actions was to become my son's "protector" from other bullies.   They both rode their bikes to and from school.  His son would now accompany my son home each day.  They were in the same class, his son would help to stop any further bullying from other students by reporting it to the teacher or other adults and speaking out against it to other kids.   He was also instructed, by his parents, he would attend to watch several of my son's ballet classes so that he would understand the athleticism of ballet.    At first my husband and I were unsure how this would play out but it soon became obvious it was a great advantage.   My son and this boy became quick friends that continued throughout their school years and into adulthood.   
 It was the best "punishment" for a bully and we were thankful to his parents for recognizing their son needed to take responsibility for his poor decsions.

It does not usually happen this way.  Most parents will not admit their kid is a bully.  But it's good things worked out for your son.

[reiddb]

The Bible says to not repay evil with evil. Through Jesus we can have the strength to forgive bullies and treat them nice even if they treat us poorly.

[BlackSheepNY]

I can see that this is going to be a delicate subject, however as the parent of two children I do have an opinion. I'm sure many people will remember the clip of a large boy being bullied by a smaller boy a few years ago. Apparently this had gone on for some time and the larger boy, unsurprisingly, got fed up of being bullied. So he basically was filmed body slamming the small boy who banged his ankle badly. Ultimately they were both suspended/expelled from school. When I first saw this video I was so pleased to see the big boy stand up for himself and if this were my son, I would support him doing the same. I appreciate that many schools say they have a zero tolerance policy for bullying yet we hear so many stories about parents raising concerns with the schools but the bullying continues. Whilst schools getting involved is ideal, I can't wait for that to happen and I won't run the risk of my child committing suicide because they are bullied at school and no-one will listen to them. To be clear, my children aren't bullied at school, and they will never be the first to strike someone, but they will strike back if someone bullies them and I will support them in that. What do you say?

I am so with you, here.  I taught my kids never to raise their hands first, but if your "bully" continues, you do what you gotta do.  I've been there and done that with both my kids.  The schools don't like me too much because I'm GREAT at documenting things, at school, online, etc., and then bringing it all to the school officer/Principal/Vice Principals.  If nothing was done then, I gave my permission to my kids to beat the soup out of their tormentors and make it good.

[hitch0403]

An answer,when mild,turns away rage.

[countrygirl12]

Thanks for your responses.  I know that 2 wrongs don't make a right and yes the Bible says not to get even with people and turn the other cheek.  But I have read so many stories online lately where some jerk just keeps on and on.  Peoplecan only take so much.  I like the stories where the bully gets put in his place in a very public way.  Although you don't hear that very often.  If more people were exposed I think it might slow down the bullies a little.  And I was actually referring more to adults than kids.

[alice44]

Fortunately I haven't had to deal with bullying and don't know exactly how I would handle it.  I don't think I would bully back though. 

[southernhorizons]

My solution wouldn't be acceptable in today's politically correct society! But bullies need to be taught a lesson.

[countrygirl12]

My solution wouldn't be acceptable in today's politically correct society! But bullies need to be taught a lesson.

Thanks.  This is how I feel.  As long as they get away with it they will keep it up.  There are people who have been really hurt, more than others know, by a bully.  The bully thinks it is funny.  I am guessing as adults in the work place punching the bully in the face would be frowned upon and probably get you arrested but there are other things they could do to show the bully how it feels to be made fun of or picked on.  For example, the stories we have seen lately on the news where someone just tells their story of being bullied.  I swear some of this stuff I would include a name and a picture.  If you think it is okay to torment someone then it is okay for them to out you to the general public.

[sanglee]

you got to go right up to him and punch him in the face

[killers2]

You need a mix of not caring what they say or at least not letting it faze you.  Don't ever bully someone because you are being bullied and want to feel better.  I've seen this a lot.  You can ignore but also stand up for yourself at the same time. 

[melissaotto1982]

Not really but you some times have to do what you need to to protect yourself as long as you dont physically harm some one but it never makes it right.