This topic is locked, no replies allowed. Inaccurate or out-of-date info may be present.

  • Print

Topic: Married over 15 years, two of them happy and have met someone special-what now?  (Read 1604 times)

Tresbn00

    US flag
    View Profile
  • Gold Member
  • ********
  • Posts: 3543 (since 2009)
  • Thanked: 200x
Two kids, beautiful house...am I selfish in wanting to explore someone who appreciates me more? Is there someting to the "second times a charm" cliche?  Should I stay happy with the ego stroke afforded me by the lovely young lady that has shown interest?

animikokala

    US flag
    View Profile
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 734 (since 2010)
  • Thanked: 0x
That depends.  How would your spouse feel?  How would you kids feel?  It's not just about you when you have a family.  And when you say "lovely young lady", how much younger?  Are you merely "trading in for a new model"?  That's very shallow if that's the case.  Are you well off financially?  Younger women tend to go for older, more financially-stable men because they can take better care of them.  Have you spoken to your spouse about how your relationship is going, and what the two of you could do to appreciate each other more?

If you haven't thought of any of that, and your just chasing an "ego-stroke", then yes, I believe you are selfish.  Referring to that young lady as an "ego-stroke" is very disrespectful to her; are you sure you are falling in love with her?  
But if you have been working on your relationship, and your spouse doesn't seem willing to work for it too, then perhaps it would be time to cut your losses.  Just make sure not to abandon your kids in the process.  A parent leaving has terrible effects on a kid, no matter their age.
« Last Edit: February 17, 2011, 07:05:51 am by animikokala »

surveysforjosh

    US flag
    View Profile
  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 13 (since 2011)
  • Thanked: 0x
That's a good way to screw up A) your life, B) your kid's lives, C) your current wife

Really, that young woman that has taken an interest to you won't be around forever.  Just decide if throwing away everything you have right now is worth a fling!!

pamela32280

    US flag
    View Profile
  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 182 (since 2010)
  • Thanked: 0x
One question to ask yourself is whether you would be considering leaving your wife and family if this girl wasn't in the picture. It sounds to me that if she wasn't there to stroke your ego you would stay put. If you had been planning on leaving a bad situation anyway, it would be different.

BK_Adores_Chase

    US flag
    View Profile
  • Silver Member
  • *******
  • Posts: 1014 (since 2010)
  • Thanked: 2x
Like I told another member, this could be a phase you are going through and may pass.  All new relationships are fun in the beginning, what if you ruin what good you have going on right now just for this new "young lady" relationship to fizzle out in a couple months and be sh*tty leaving you wishing you hadn't screwed up what you had.

dreamyxo

    US flag
    View Profile
  • Platinum Member
  • *********
  • Posts: 6444 (since 2007)
  • Thanked: 176x
Have you tried everything you can to make your current relationship better?

texaswhiterose

    US flag
    View Profile
  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 258 (since 2010)
  • Thanked: 0x
There are other people to consider here. If you are truly unhappy in your marriage and have tried everything to "fix" things, then you need to set your spouse down and discuss your feelings. Nothing good will come from having a fling. You might feel good for awhile but would it be worth it in the end?

Tresbn00

    US flag
    View Profile
  • Gold Member
  • ********
  • Posts: 3543 (since 2009)
  • Thanked: 200x
Thanks for all of the feedback!  Overwhelmingly against my "ego-stroke" has made me realize that making a move in this direction would be wrong in every sense of the word to all people involved.  I hope that anyone else that is tempted looks at his post and learns as much as I have.  This has been the most beneficial post to date for me!  Still hard not to think of visiting the fun side but the many posts have cleared my head.  Thanks again!

jneff0603

    US flag
    View Profile
  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 341 (since 2010)
  • Thanked: 0x
Just remember- you might think you're in a rut right now but really, you've reached that point of being comfortable with each other. It's what I like to think of as a "stable home life" LOL It's security and comfort and knowing that the person there with you loves you so much that you don't have to say it constantly. Do you really want to have to re-learn everything about someone new? Like, what all the different faces they make mean?

ljNana

    US flag
    View Profile
  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 214 (since 2010)
  • Thanked: 0x
While you are learning here, you should tell the younger woman that it is not nice to play on the affections of a man with a wife and children.  Tell her there are already many divorced men out there who thought that is what they wanted and it did not work.

bowrunner

    US flag
    View Profile
  • Gold Member
  • ********
  • Posts: 2605 (since 2010)
  • Thanked: 47x
  :dog:
I'm impressed with all of the good thinking that was put into the problem here.

Debj1951

    US flag
    View Profile
  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 36 (since 2011)
  • Thanked: 0x
tresben00,
I surely hope your last post is what you have really decided. I have been on both sides of the fence - I am a woman, who can proudly say "now I am a lady".  My parents cheated on each other, the old saying 'children live what they learn' is so true! My marriage was not the best, I did try to work on it, arranging time off work for my husband & planning a week vacation for him & I to try to revive our feelings for each other - or maybe it was for me to try to revive my feelings for him. The vacation was a flop - he wouldn't stop to see any of the sites. The only thing he was interested in was 'under the sheets'. A woman needs to feel she is more than just a u know what to her man. Do you ever buy your wife a gift JUST BECAUSE? Plan a romantic night out without expecting her to do her 'wifely' duties afterwards? You can't expect to treat your wife like a piece of meat, total house keeper etc & think that she is going to show affection! We fought, argued & yes a few times he got physical with me, forced me to do things I didn't want to do, but I did want things to work out.
I did get involved with a married man - (after my divorce) it has been over for 10 years & I am still heart broken. If a man or woman has no more scrupples than to cheat on their spouse, or to be the other woman like I was -  Well, there is nothing coming to them. I have made my apolgies, cleaned the slate & have been born again.

As has already been said, the kids suffer terribly & the cycle can just continue like crazy.

loulizlee

    US flag
    View Profile
  • Gold Member
  • ********
  • Posts: 2023 (since 2010)
  • Thanked: 73x
Take it from someone who knows - it will lead to heartache all around.

Cuppycake

    US flag
    View Profile
  • Gold Member
  • ********
  • Posts: 2910 (since 2008)
  • Thanked: 26x
Men are always cheaters it seems...

willow80834

    US flag
    View Profile
  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 242 (since 2010)
  • Thanked: 0x
get out or stay put u cant have it all .........   Think of your children will they be better off if you separated or if they found out you was a cheat

  • Print
 

Related Topics

  Subject / Started by Replies Last post
3 Replies
810 Views
Last post January 01, 2011, 08:30:53 am
by dreamongirl
2 Replies
654 Views
Last post December 31, 2010, 03:29:40 pm
by ArsamMofidi
7 Replies
774 Views
Last post January 01, 2011, 10:40:16 am
by Storm61115
7 Replies
573 Views
Last post December 31, 2011, 01:21:38 pm
by elysee24
13 Replies
1406 Views
Last post January 02, 2012, 08:09:29 pm
by Getinonthis