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  • ~* Humorous and Funny Quotes *~ 3 3
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Topic: ~* Humorous and Funny Quotes *~  (Read 21761 times)

jcribb16

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Re: ~* Humorous and Funny Quotes *~
« Reply #30 on: December 14, 2012, 06:10:54 pm »
Some of the older comedians are much better than some comedians now.  So many of the newer ones rely on garbage to be funny, and it's really not funny.

I agree wholeheartedly.  Many today who start out pretty good also seem to think it's funny to add the curse words and sexual innuendos (maybe that's what you meant by "garbage," and I agree, it's really not funny.)  Even Jeff Dunham - we have always enjoyed him with his puppets, but there's couple of the puppets, now, that you know the garbage is coming.  
« Last Edit: December 14, 2012, 06:14:32 pm by jcribb16 »

jcribb16

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Re: ~* Humorous and Funny Quotes *~
« Reply #31 on: December 14, 2012, 06:13:05 pm »
I just wanted to add that this is a great collection of funny quotes.

Thanks!  It's neat seeing the different type funny and humorous quotes being posted!

jcribb16

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Re: ~* Humorous and Funny Quotes *~
« Reply #32 on: December 14, 2012, 06:21:28 pm »
"I wish I even vaguely resembled my 5 best Facebook photos."
~ Alec Sulkin ~

"If I were playing third base and my mother were rounding third with the run that was going to beat us, I'd trip her. Oh, I'd pick her up and brush her off and say, "Sorry, Mom," but nobody beats me."
~ Leo Durocher ~

"When I was a small boy growing up in Kansas, a friend of mine and I went fishing, and as we sat there in the warmth of a summer afternoon on a riverbank, we talked about what we wanted to do when we grew up. I told him that I wanted to be a real major-league baseball player, a genuine professional like Honus Wagner. My friend said that he'd like to be President of the United States. Neither of us got our wish."
~ Dwight David Eisenhower (President of the USA 1953-1961) ~

Ittai

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Re: ~* Humorous and Funny Quotes *~
« Reply #33 on: December 14, 2012, 06:59:37 pm »
wow...never heard of any of those quotes..!! thanks for sharing! I will pass them along at work!! :thumbsup:

DeliriousKris

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Re: ~* Humorous and Funny Quotes *~
« Reply #34 on: December 15, 2012, 10:37:06 am »
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Mitch Hedberg

TheManWhoCan

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Re: ~* Humorous and Funny Quotes *~
« Reply #35 on: December 15, 2012, 12:25:27 pm »
"I reject your reality, and substitute my own."
~Adam Savage~

"You are ugly on the inside too."
~A weird fortune cookie~

jcribb16

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Re: ~* Humorous and Funny Quotes *~
« Reply #36 on: December 15, 2012, 07:39:17 pm »
"Never wear anything that panics the cat."
~P. J. O'Rourke~


"What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm."
~Rodney Dangerfield~


"I was a dog in a past life. Really. I'll be walking down the street and dogs will do a sort of double take. Like, Hey, I know him."
~William H. Macy~


"I had been told that the training procedure with cats was difficult. It's not. Mine had me trained in two days."
~Bill Dana~

jcribb16

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Re: ~* Humorous and Funny Quotes *~
« Reply #37 on: December 16, 2012, 05:58:33 pm »
"He who sleeps on the floor will not fall off the bed."
- Robert Gronock -

"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?"
- Mork, Mork and Mindy -


"The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep."
- W. C. Fields -

"It is generally agreed that "Hello" is an appropriate greeting because if you entered a room and said "Goodbye," it could confuse a lot of people."
- Dolph Sharp -

jcribb16

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Re: ~* Humorous and Funny Quotes *~
« Reply #38 on: December 19, 2012, 03:16:58 pm »

"As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it."
~Buddy Hackett~




"Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime."
~Red Skelton~   




"I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included."
~Bernard Manning~ 

jcribb16

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Re: ~* Humorous and Funny Quotes *~
« Reply #39 on: December 23, 2012, 05:37:00 pm »
"It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, snowblower or vacuum cleaner."
---Ben Bergor---


"I believe in rules. Sure I do. If there weren't any rules, how could you break them?"
---Leo Duracher---


"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back."
---Franklin Jones---

annettefayeroach

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Re: ~* Humorous and Funny Quotes *~
« Reply #40 on: December 24, 2012, 02:20:46 am »
I love them. Thank you for sharing.

cowgirl2116

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Re: ~* Humorous and Funny Quotes *~
« Reply #41 on: December 24, 2012, 05:36:34 am »
I once had a college professor who was humorous, in my book.  When we [students] would ask him how long should our papers be when he asked us to write papers for his class.  He would respond, " Well, I will tell you what I tell my daughter when she asks, "Daddy, how long should my dresses be?"  He would add, " Make sure that the length is short enough to be interesting, but long enough to cover the subject."  Then, he would say, " Therefore, your paper should be short enough to be interesting and long enough to cover the subject."  That was not funny then, but it makes me smile today every time I think about what he said.

jcribb16

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Re: ~* Humorous and Funny Quotes *~
« Reply #42 on: December 26, 2012, 08:49:43 am »
I once had a college professor who was humorous, in my book.  When we [students] would ask him how long should our papers be when he asked us to write papers for his class.  He would respond, " Well, I will tell you what I tell my daughter when she asks, "Daddy, how long should my dresses be?"  He would add, " Make sure that the length is short enough to be interesting, but long enough to cover the subject."  Then, he would say, " Therefore, your paper should be short enough to be interesting and long enough to cover the subject."  That was not funny then, but it makes me smile today every time I think about what he said.
That's an interesting way to look at it!  :)

jcribb16

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Re: ~* Humorous and Funny Quotes *~
« Reply #43 on: December 26, 2012, 09:17:57 am »
"When somebody tells you nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a football."
  ~Author Unknown~

"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.  That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes."
  ~Jack Handey~

mjdoug03

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Re: ~* Humorous and Funny Quotes *~
« Reply #44 on: December 26, 2012, 10:15:46 am »
I love this.

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