I had to set my grandson's father straight for once.

[msmoneybags48]

We have had run-ins with my grandson's father at the grocery store.  My husband was there and I gave him the phone number to appease my husband.  He called my grandson and asked him if he wanted to come to his house.  I told my daughter of his latest idea and gave her the phone number where he called from.  He was upset because she called him and went off.  He had the nerve to call me and ask me why I told her when I know how she is.  I told him that I told her because he wants to go behind her back and try to be in his life without giving up a dime of support.  I then went off on him myself.  I told him he sees his son and the only thing I observe is that he wants a hug and a picture, but he don't reach in his pockets and give him a penny.  He then said my husband told him he could come out here and pick him up anytime, which is an outright lie because I was there; what my hubby said was that he was welcome to come out here and visit him, but as far as picking him up, he don't have any intentions, now or ever, of allowing that.  I told him that my husband is doing more for his son than he is, and I think it is a darned shame that he can't give his son a dollar in the event that he wants to  buy something.  His excuse is that he wants to be in his life, but he has bills to pay, which pissed me off and I told him that I didn't lay down and get him; he and my daughter laid down and conceived him.  He is married now, and so he has an extended family to take care of.  It does not excuse the fact that he has three children and my hubby and me are taking care of his second youngest son.  I love my grandson, and it hurts me to no end that he does not feel any responsibility in his care.  What do you think?

[loulizlee]

My father left my mother with four children to raise alone.  That was back in the days when you could not cross state lines to go after a deadbeat dad, so he left the state.  I only remember seeing him a couple of times.  I think, in a way, that was much easier than your situation.  In my personal opinion, if he doesn't support his children, he has no right to see them. 

[plennis]

I find it unbelievable that he has other things to support now, so tough luck to the little boy.  If you can't support the ones you already have, then too bad you need not have others.   If I was his ex-wife I would have the state or county put a lien on his payroll check, then she gets paid first, they also will go after tax returns until he has caught up on what he should be paying.  I hope your daughter has went the legal route to make sure that he meets financial obligations.     Like you said, you are supporting him (and I know will continue to do so), but it is his  obligation.    That makes me so angry that (mostly) men will stat a 2nd or 3rd family and feel that since they have them now they cannot be bothered with the other children they already had.                     

[debidoo]

I think I feel sorry for this guy that he doesn't see the ethics in caring both financially and emotionally for any and all children he helped bring into this world.  I also feel sorry for your grandson that he has such a worthless man for a dad. And I feel for you and your husband having to go through this situation.

[aflyingmonkey]

Legally he is responsible for child support.  Go to court & get it.   
Or file for state aid for the child, & the state will go get the money from him for you - the government doesn't mess around when it comes to collecting money.

[natashaspy]

i'm so sorry that he's doing your grandson that way.  its such a shame people don't realize just what a blessing kids are.  i'll send you a prayer that he straightens up some.

[msmoneybags48]

I thank you all for your posts.  I told him that his mom denied my grandson when he was in the womb, and he denied him, not once, but twice because his girlfriend (now his wife) was having a daughter, which is what he always wanted.  Now all of a sudden, she is his grandma too, and he is his boy, but where are you when he needs something?  I told him his son needed shoes; we would still be waiting for him to buy the gym shoes, while my husband bought him a pair of gym shoes, but they were the wrong size; he bought a 13 and he wears a size 1.  He took him out when he left and paid over $50 to make sure my grandson had shoes.  My husband is a real man, and he is a man who claims he is a man, but he can't wear that emblem proudly because he is a sperm donor of a father.  The day I went off on him, I know he felt lower than cow dung because he actually told me I was right.  My grandson will be 7 in 19 days, and I know he won't be there for his big day, which shows me he does not care.

[countrygirl12]

How is it that the state is not forcing him to pay child support?  Usually if the man's name is on the birth certificate the state will garnish wages if they have to in order to get the money.  And the man is better off that way too.  I know a man that paid child support himself directly to the woman and when the state got involved she said he never paid her anything.  Lying b*tch!  And no, I am not related to any of them.  Anyway, the cash he gave her was gone and there was no proof.  I do think he had kept some receipts that did prove he had bought things for the kid.

It's sad so many kids have to grow up and their parents are not together.

[countrygirl12]

I find it unbelievable that he has other things to support now, so tough luck to the little boy.  If you can't support the ones you already have, then too bad you need not have others.   If I was his ex-wife I would have the state or county put a lien on his payroll check, then she gets paid first, they also will go after tax returns until he has caught up on what he should be paying.  I hope your daughter has went the legal route to make sure that he meets financial obligations.     Like you said, you are supporting him (and I know will continue to do so), but it is his  obligation.    That makes me so angry that (mostly) men will stat a 2nd or 3rd family and feel that since they have them now they cannot be bothered with the other children they already had.                     

Actually, she does not get paid first.  They can garnish his wages but he has to make so much.  If one week he does not make enough (the garnishment can only be a certain percentage of his income) then the garnishment is less or none.  No matter how unfair you think it is you cannot take everything he makes and leave him with nothing to live on.  There are cases where the man is the one who got screwed over and although I guess he should be responsible for the kid the woman does not deserve any money.  It is not always the man that is the bad one.

[countrygirl12]

I thank you all for your posts.  I told him that his mom denied my grandson when he was in the womb, and he denied him, not once, but twice because his girlfriend (now his wife) was having a daughter, which is what he always wanted.  Now all of a sudden, she is his grandma too, and he is his boy, but where are you when he needs something?  I told him his son needed shoes; we would still be waiting for him to buy the gym shoes, while my husband bought him a pair of gym shoes, but they were the wrong size; he bought a 13 and he wears a size 1.  He took him out when he left and paid over $50 to make sure my grandson had shoes.  My husband is a real man, and he is a man who claims he is a man, but he can't wear that emblem proudly because he is a sperm donor of a father.  The day I went off on him, I know he felt lower than cow dung because he actually told me I was right.  My grandson will be 7 in 19 days, and I know he won't be there for his big day, which shows me he does not care.

I would send him an invitation to the birthday party.  Also include current sizes of shoes and clothing.  Or something he would like to have.