I dont know what to do :(

[cateyes1]

I spoke about this before. My daughter who is 40 still wont talk to me and hasn't for several years now. On occasion she will answer an email I send her but in a very snarky way. A good friend of mine told me just yesterday that I need to stop dwelling on this or i'm going to give myself a nervous break down. My question to you all.....Do I give up and walk away because me contacting her isn't getting me anywhere ? do I give her her space and hope she contacts me one day?. She has turned my 2 grandkids away from me by airing she and I's dirty laundry in front of them, however I do expect them to stay loyal to their Mom. PLEASE tell me what I am suppose to do. A part of me wants to keep reaching out to her but it's falling on deaf ears ....I must add that in her last email from her she asked me to "please don't contact me again"

[oldbuddy]

Keep touching base without sounding desperate or pushing and be patient.

[kjstrukel]

Keep touching base without sounding desperate or pushing and be patient.

That is good advice.  Just let her know you are there, and be patient.  It is hard, I know, but I think that pushing too hard or appearing desperate will only drive her further away.

[Nancy5]

Let her know you are there, ad will always be there, for her, but I would back off a little.  Send her cards, birthday, Christmas, and occasionally thinking of you.  But I agree back off somewhat. 

[nannycoe1]

I think you should keep trying just don't stalk her. Without knowing the reason behind the situation I don't know what to tell you but I hope you get it resolved.

[Tresbn00]

"please don't contact me again" seems pretty straight forward. Perhaps you should respect her wishes. Something has happened between the two of you and it appears that she does not want resolution at this time. There seems to be a large percentage of parent/child conflict that goes unresolved. You have your life to live and she has hers-it doesn't look like she wants these two lives merged. My father was, and is, a despicable individual that I have communicated with as little as possible since I was nineteen. Because of his hateful nature I refused to let interaction between he and my children occur until my son was sixteen and daughter was seventeen (mature enough to make their own observations). It took three telephone calls for them to realize why he was not welcome in my life.

[gwilson31]

You're just going to have to back off.  She made her wishes clear so you should respect them (hard as it may be).  She is just hurting you over and over again.  You can let her know you'll be there if she wants to ever talk though. 

[autumnsparklemom]

I am in the same position  with my father. At least you are trying. I haven't spoken to my father in years. I have two children. I am 48 and he is in his early 70's. He hasn't even tried to contact me or remotely tried to see his grandchildren. If he tried, that would be another thing but he hasn't even tried.

[catchow]

"please don't contact me again" seems pretty straight forward. Perhaps you should respect her wishes. Something has happened between the two of you and it appears that she does not want resolution at this time. There seems to be a large percentage of parent/child conflict that goes unresolved. You have your life to live and she has hers-it doesn't look like she wants these two lives merged. My father was, and is, a despicable individual that I have communicated with as little as possible since I was nineteen. Because of his hateful nature I refused to let interaction between he and my children occur until my son was sixteen and daughter was seventeen (mature enough to make their own observations). It took three telephone calls for them to realize why he was not welcome in my life.

Tresbn00 Very nicely put!!!



cateyes1 I have to agree with Tresbn00, I have never been in your situation, but I feel the more you push her the more your daughter will retract. I would just tell her I am here for you, I love you and I always will. I will leave the next step to you. I do hope to hear from you, but I will give you your space now.

Im sorry your having to go through that. Best of luck!

[debidoo]

Well I hope I am not giving the wrong advise but how are you going to continue like this?  I believe one day she will realize the error of her ways but I hope it isn't too late for your benefit. I haven't seen or talked to my sister or brother since our mom died in 2010 (not my doing) and I found more peace when I finally gave up on us ever having a relationship again. You can make someone see sense. Well sorry you are going through this I sure hope she doesn't go through this with her own kids since this is what she is portraying to them.   

[bshee58]

I think any  relationship can be repaired, you and your daughter need to talk it out, have a mediator to help with whatever is going on,. She will one day regret having said something to you that she can't make right, one thing you don't do is put kids in adults situations, which your daughter thinks making your grands dislike you because of how she feels about you is wrong, talk to your Pastor of your church, he can help bridge the gap and make things tolerable between the two of you. But I say don't give up on your child, because she is acting like a child who needs to learn that no matter how bad a situation is, you don't turn your back on your parent and or child. God sees and knows what you are going thru, he will make things right for you, so don't give up, no matter how hard she makes it for you. Love knows no bounds. Trust and believe. God Bless, I will pray for you and her. Prayer helps. So keep praying that she will come back into your life.

[Mizzkizz7]

I would not stress too much, She's still your daughter and you should give her space and every now and then email her still. I know you don't want to deal with the rejection so since it's falling on deaf ears stop communicating.

[adriarobi]

Have situations like this in my family.

If you send her a card with no questions, no requests, no epectations listed.....just "I love you, no matter what".

Pray to God for wisdom, guidance, and healing between the two of you.

If you get a little response, do not put expectations oh her....just say thank you, and sign "love,..."

Keep praying, ask Him to break the barriers.  Trust me, I know what this is like.

I also can witness how God rescues those who really seek Him.

 

[madeara]

I am sorry you are in this situation.   I think the best thing to do is to honor your daughter's request.  I hope things get resolved in the future.  I will keep you in my prayers.

[countrygirl12]

I spoke about this before. My daughter who is 40 still wont talk to me and hasn't for several years now. On occasion she will answer an email I send her but in a very snarky way. A good friend of mine told me just yesterday that I need to stop dwelling on this or i'm going to give myself a nervous break down. My question to you all.....Do I give up and walk away because me contacting her isn't getting me anywhere ? do I give her her space and hope she contacts me one day?. She has turned my 2 grandkids away from me by airing she and I's dirty laundry in front of them, however I do expect them to stay loyal to their Mom. PLEASE tell me what I am suppose to do. A part of me wants to keep reaching out to her but it's falling on deaf ears ....I must add that in her last email from her she asked me to "please don't contact me again"

Probably not what you want to hear - but honestly, you need to just let it go.  I know you are hurt but especially with her saying not to contact her again I probably would not.  It seems like you mentioned it before but I cannot remember why you said she quit speaking to you.   I do agree you are only hurting yourself by dwelling on this every day.  It is not hurting your daughter. 

Do you have other kids?  If not I would make a will and leave everything to someone else and I would put in the will why.  So there can be no questions.  I know that sounds mean to but I have seen where family does not speak for years but when somebody dies they are there with their hand out.

I also know it is hard to MOVE ON when you are talking about your child.  It has already been a few years.  You need to quit dwelling on it and basically punishing yourself.  You have tried to make contact.  You have tried to talk to her.  It is on her now.  Also maybe a bad way to say this but in your mind you need to think like she is dead.  Then you will be able to move on.

I know a woman who is going thru something kind of the same but her daughter will speak every now and then but it is mostly to say mean and hurtful things.  She has prayed about it and says she has peace.  She has done all she can do.  It is up to the girl now.